“Lilpeep” left a comment for me a little while back. Seeing as how I was delinquent in responding, I thought I’d make up for it by devoting a whole post to Lilpeep’s questions.
Hey Julie, I was wondering, what motivation did you have to become a nun? Why did you choose that type of career/life??
You asked what my motivation was for becoming a nun. Well, I didn’t really plan on becoming a nun. My motivation was to live my life the best way I could as a young, single, Catholic woman. I knew my options were single life, married life, and religious life. I figured that I was destined for married life. I always wanted to be married and to be a mom. But, I decided I’d check out the religious thing just to say “been there, done that” … so I wouldn’t have any doubts about that NOT being my call. Well, that didn’t happen. It turns out it was my call. I think deep down, I recognized that I was most fully myself when I was in tune with God. It just so happened that for me, that meant living the lifestyle of a religious. For others, it may mean living a married life, being a parent, becoming ordained or choosing single life. Whatever lifestyle God calls us to is IT, the best one for us. I realized that to be true to myself meant that I had to let go of something and let God do the driving. I still am quite a back seat driver, but more and more I am able to say “not my will, Lord, but yours be done”.
Being a nun is more of a way of life than it is a career. I think of a career as something that at the end of the day or week, I can come home and do my ordinary stuff. I’m “off duty” so to speak. Just like being married is not a career, being a nun is not really a career because being a nun is part of who I am. It’s like I’ve got this IHM dna now that is as much a part of me as my family is. As with married life, our vows are for life — in good times and in bad.
In a way, I wasn’t the one who first chose this life of being a nun. It’s like it chose me. I know that sounds kinda weird, but it’s true. It’s not something I ever would have thought would “fit” me. Yet, by golly, it does. Once I realized that this is what God was calling me to, I had to take the time and space to choose it for myself, to make God’s call my own, to embrace it freely. After some major resisting, running, and denial, I was able to freely choose this life, knowing that it is the best way I can be me and serve God and the world.
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This is so true, Julie. In the end it is because God has called us to give ourselves to Him in this way of consecration. He knows that it is in this way of life that we flourish as real human beings! For another person they flourish in the married state. What is important is that we chose the way of life in which we can be happy (because God wants us to be happy!) and flourish and become holy. For some it is religious life, for another single life and for many married life. (I think all moms shouls be canonized!) This doesn’t mean that there aren’t crosses in any state of life and my experience is that some people share so deeply in Christ’s Passion in a way that boggles my mind.
The Lord invites but it is up to us to respond. The response but be chosen again everyday of our lives!
Great post. It inspired my own.
This is exactly how I feel about being a lesbian. For a long time, I thought I could ignore that part of myself by seeking a call to religious life but now I know that the call comes to each person individually. I do not dictate God’s plan.
I think many of us fall into the mistaken belief that we can dictate God’s plan. Our ideas always sound so compellingly good … why wouldn’t God want to give us the A-OK? But we don’t have the kind of 360 vision that God has.
Great post Julie! I didn’t want to be a nun either. I was so into sports throughtout high school. I even was accepted at a college and had my room. Than one day I got this feeling and I knew I had to go see if being a nun was for me. I even told my parents and friends I will be back by Christmas. Oh well, here I am still living religious life. We don’t choose God, God choose us and called us to this life. And that has made all the difference!
There you go, telling my story again….I was just writing about this the other day…kind of scary…
I truly admire your faith and dedication and that of all Nuns. You are a blessing God has sent to the rest of us. Bless you
Bill
I am 28yrs old and was formally engaged to be married to my 2nd BF mid this year although I had this calling to enter religious life since High School but had since evaded it like the Plague. As the wedding day nears, I hear the calling to be ‘louder’ than ever. Maybe that is why I’ve found this blog spot. Am I just pissed off by the wedding preparations or something shocking will happen in my life in the coming days? By the way, I am working here in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, out of my home town in the Phils where the wedding will be. There’s is no convent here where I can observe the life of the nuns, even though the only thing i can think of now is doing a residency in any congregation and in any part of the world. I feel like i need to escape and finally live the life the God wants me to have. If only I could push the pause button right now…I’d appreciate very much more words of wisdom from others here who have experienced the religous life. Thanks.
Marivic, I don’t know you well enough to give you any specific advice, but I know myself well enough to be able to say that if I had chosen to enter religious life as any kind of escape, I’m quite sure it would have turned out to be a disaster. If you have a calling to religious life, I’m guessing it will be there, loud and strong, if you can just hang in there until the “need to escape” feeling subsides.
Hope that helps!
Hello Marivic, Thanks for your comment. It can definitely be unnerving as one comes closer and closer to the day one makes a major life commitment. Not knowing all the circumstances which you are facing, I would suggest that you first look at the relationship that you are in right now. I agree with Sandy that coming to religious life (or beginning a relationship with another person) ought not come out of the desire to escape something. You’ve got to deal with the main thing: your relationship. Put aside the religious life question right now. Is this relationship your heart’s desire? Can you filter through the negative feelings associated with the wedding prep and identify what is truly upsetting you? We all have doubts at one time or another, we all wonder “what if” … trust that you are already responding to God’s call through this relationship. Remember, that too is a calling. I personally would have loved to be married and have children. I do not regret my decision, but I did have to face the fact that that was no longer going to be an option for me. It was a choice I made because I found my home within religious life and the IHM community. Hang in there, Marivic. We’re praying for you. Sister Julie
can nuns drink alcohol?
this eem like a stupid quetion but im playing a nun in a production and there is a musical number in it called ‘romance’ most of the characters are drinking alcohol, would it be suitable for my character Mother Superior to be drinking?
Hi Lucy … In general, yes. Nuns can drink alcohol. Some religious communities may not allow it at all, but that is according to their own rule not some global mandate forbidding nuns to drink. Not being a Mother Superior myself, I’m guessing that a nun in a leadership position who is in a public situation would tend not to drink. At most she may nurse a glass of wine for the night, but probably not do shots at the bar with the other guests (even if she could drink them under the table any day). The general rule here is: All things in moderation. Thanks for the question and good luck being the “Supe”!
Sister Julie,
My mother nor I are Catholic however, my mother has been struggling with alot of issues in her life. She has made referrence to “becoming a nun”. I told her I do not think that is possible due to the fact that she is not Catholic was I wrong in this accusation?
Dear Janice, thank you for your comment. Actually there are nuns in other Christian traditions as well as in other religions. For example, see my post on tennis star Andrea Jaeger who became an Anglican nun. There are also ecumenical communities comprised of Catholics, Protestants, and Orothodox Christians (e.g., Taize community in France). So one does not have to be a Catholic in order to be a nun. If a person wants to be a Catholic nun then they must be a Catholic. I wish you and your mom well. Sister Julie
I don’t think I have any future in career or personal life either; feel guilty about being 26 and still financially supported by my parents. Don’t smoke or drink or lead a ‘wild’ lifestyle. Trouble is, I may have being raised in a christian community but I’m pagan. U think I could b a nun?
Hi Mother Superior,
I’m not a christian at all. But I’m deserted with the problems that I face in life. basically I’m very much worried abt my actions. I’m worried to do things because it may hurt others. I just wanna stay away from normal life. I want to stay away from any known contacts around me. But I’m from an orthodox indian family. is there a way for me to have peace in my life after becoming a nun Mother superior? Will jesus help me to forget my past mother??
Thank you for the comments …
Dorothy, Sounds like you are in a tough space in your life. You are not alone. For many people your age it can be a challenge to decide on a direction in life. This is a good time for you because the unrest you are feeling may be the Spirit nudging you along to ponder these things more deeply and to see what it is that attracts you and would help you become more fully the person who you are. In regard to the nun question, to be a Christian nun one must be a practicing Christian. The life of a Christian nun centers around our faith in the liberating mission of Jesus Christ. If religious life does attract you then I suggest you first immerse yourself in the Christian faith and see what God is calling you to. You will be in my prayers.
AC, You also sound like you are in a touch space too. Sometimes our life can get way overwhelming with things we’ve done, people we know, etc. You don’t have to become a nun to experience peace in your life. God calls us to this peace here and now, even in the midst of tough times. God is with you at this very moment calling you to himself and asking you to trust in him. Talk with God about what you desire, how you can find peace, what you need to do to change things in your life to help you truly be yourself. Unresolved tensions in life get carried with us even when we become a nun. Sooner or later we have to deal with them. We may not be able to change what happened in the past, but we can change how we choose to respond to those persons or events, no matter how painful. You are in my prayers as well.
Please email me if you’d like to continue this conversation.
Just an FYI, there are a few communities which are non-Christian who follow what could be considered a Religious Life. I don’t want to stray off topic for you, but I would be willing to communicate with Dorothy about this issue.
I understand the desire for community when one has the feeling of being the only one who believes the way you do. Even though I am not a religious (11 days til my wedding!) I think that choosing that calling (or allowing yourself to be chosen) is much more of an active choice and not a passive retreat. One does not escape the pressure of life… I would think that one would meet it head on at that point. Your quote at the top of your page explains it very well… to open one’s Self to the Divine is to open to the Truth of your life… and that can be a very difficult and uncomfortable thing. On the other hand, it has been the most uplifting and wonderfully horrid thing I have ever done! LOL
Thank you for providing this forum. It may take turns that you never imagined, but it is a refreshing time for me to come and read. Thank you.
Elizabeth, many thanks for your offer. I will remember it should I get similar questions and send them over to your blog.
Dear Sister Julie,
Firstly, I wanted to say how wonderful it has been to read your blogs – a real insight into your choice of lifestyle. I am joint-writing a play about ‘community’ and for my part have been asked to explore convent life and the sense of community afforded by a ’sisterhood’. Is there anything you could tell me about being part of such a family? Grateful in advance,
Libby
Thanks, Libby, for the comment and inquiry. Send me an email with your specific questions and I’d be glad to respond. Sister Julie
The “worst” decision I ever made in my life was turning it over to God. Up to that point, I was convinced that the convent was the life for me, a life of prayer and service to God — what could be better? Then God entered my life as a living Person, and I gave it all to Him. Here I am, 39 years later, married to the same guy with two grown children…. As the saying goes, “Don’t try this at home,” meaning, in this case, don’t give your life to God unless you’re prepared for Him to take you seriously. All your plans will be upset. You will be guided to paths you never remotely considered. You will be tested and rearranged and never left in peace for more than a few days at a time. And it will be GLORIOUS, as you find yourself becoming so much more than you ever in your wildest dreams thought you could be.
Hi everyone. Is it wrong to become a Nun because a man has hurt my feelings? Im a very strong Christian also. Sometimes I feel like God just wants me to live my life for him and become a Nun and just dedicate my whole life to him.
The discernment process for becoming a nun doesn’t happen overnight. While you might be truly called to religious life, just because someone hurts your feelings is not in itself a good motivation to become a nun. We may be attracted to religious life in various ways, but a vocation must be prayed over and discerned.
Regardless of whether or not you should be a nun, God does in fact want you to live your life for him. All Christians are called to this. Some live this out through the union of marriage, some by living singly and dedicating themselves to ministry, others through religious life. People who are in religious life or who are ordained do not have a monopoly on dedicating themselves to God.
Thank you for creating this sacred space. I’ve been looking for such dialogue for a long time.
Peace and prayers,
I wanted to be a nun when I was a child.. and then I grew up and met boys. But every now and then the thought would re-surface, especially when I was disappointed. Now I’m in my late 20s and in a relationship with a nice person who says he wants to be with me forever but needs some time before he is ready to marry. Funnily enough I was having an innocent conversation with a religious person and before I knew it I’m actually considering becoming a nun. I know how wonderful it is to give it all to God and let him do the worrying. I am also happy to think that becoming a nun would allow me to work closely with the people suffering as a result of the civil war in my mother’s home town.
I love my boyfriend and will be upset if he can’t make up his mind to get married by the end of the year because I am so ready for it. But at the same time I am happy that I know if it doesn’t work out I can always become a nun.
Should I be worried about the way I feel? Am I missing God’s calling?
God will bless all for creating something like this…
Ange … sorry to have missed your comment! If the feeling of wanting to become a nun keeps coming back to you, you would do well to explore it, see if it something God is really calling you to. Women choose to become nuns not because they are disappointed, or because don’t have a boyfriend or because they are unhappy. On the contrary, women choose to become nuns because it is deeply fulfilling, because it is a life that makes them most truly who they are and who God wishes them to be. Same is true for those called to marriage. It has to be a life, a relationship that truly fits. In any way of life, you can serve God, you can work with people who are suffering. That too is a call that you can live as a nun, a single person or as a married person. If you are not sure about marrying your boyfriend, if you’re having a hard time making up your mind about marriage or religious life, then I’d strongly recommend you make no decisions, especially ones of this magnitude. You just might need some more time to find out what God is truly asking of you. Take the time that you need to know yourself and where God is leading you. My prayers are with you, Ange. Sister Julie
Sister, I am a girl who is much troubled in life. When I was in my 8th grade, i thought of becoming a nun but my parents didn’t allow me to do so. I have suffered under my parents so much and I have been deprived of care and love from my parents. Everyday I used to get beatings and scoldings from them. I have a good boyfriend who doesn’t have a anything. My parents wants me to leave him but I only want him. We both are catholics from our birth
I only want only one thing from you that is to pray for both of us as we only have our God Jesus. Please pray for both of us please Sister Julie!
Hi Elizabeth, you and your boyfriend are most certainly in my prayer. Sister Julie
dear sister julie.
your post made me feel so inspired and motivated for going to persue my dream of living the life you living now.it sounds corny but every word you wrote just touched my heart and my emotinal state i am in righet now.
next week im going to try out the nun life in a real full time monsary.
i will carry your words with me thruout this journey and never forget to live up my goals.
so thank you. merillin.
Sr. Julie, how nice to come across your post. Perhaps you can offer some advice for my situation too. I am 24, and next year I will be marrying my high school sweetheart. There is not question that this relationship is important to me, and we are both very happy together. The difficulty is, since I was a little girl I have desired to become a sister. I went on retreats at a young age, and have grown to enjoy the quiet of prayer and peace of feeling close with the Lord. I still attend mass alot, and I find I am often the only one at mass or other scripture readings under the age of 50. I am not sure if my desire to live as a sister comes from my strong admiration of the these women, or if it is my calling. I often wonder how to discern what is my calling, and what is just reflective of the close relationships I have had with various sisters over my life. I pray about it, but remain unsure. Once, while in prayer, I felt a calling to bring my faith into my relationship. I’d appreciate any thoughts you have about my situation.
Sister Julie,
I belong to an indian non-catholic family. i had a very bad past. i mean i made it bad myself. i have a boyfrnd “Brian” who is catholic. all was going well before but my past seems to come in between us everytime. he is a very nice person. he loves me a lot but is not able to commit coz of my bad past. althougth he wants to forgive me he is not able to forgive me and be normal. we are with each other but just coz we cant live without each other. but his trust is broken coz of my past.
sister i was bad in the past but i have really changed. i am being loyal to him and try to keep him happy as much as i can.however he is not able to get back to the normal way the way he was with me before.
i go to church sometimes i feel my heart at peace when i go and pray. i really dont know to pray the exact way, however i pray my way and it gives me peace. although he feels that i shouldnt go to church without him.
i have decided that if he ever leaves me i would want to isolate myself and give myself up to god. coz i am dedicated to him and being dedicated to someone is also like being dedicated to god.
i want to spend my life with him and give him all the happiness in this world. however if it doesnt work. i would want to become a nun.
please advise whether it is a right decision.also if possible please pray for Brian and my relationship, that it improves and we both get married to each other asap.
Need your advise and blessings.
Thanks for hearing was feeling very lonely, no one to talk.
Dear Ash, Thank you for writing to me. Know that you are never alone — come by any time.
The first thing that strikes me as I read your story is FORGIVENESS. First and foremost, you need to be at peace with yourself, your past, and God. Trust me when I say that all of us, sometimes the best saints among us, are the worst of sinners. We must learn to seek forgiveness from God, forgive ourselves, and be willing to live fully and joyfully the life that God has given us. Find what you need to do in order to deal with your past — talk it over with a trusted mentor, seek professional care, attend your religious services. No matter what, keep taking your concerns and cares to God. God wants nothing more than to embrace you with love and compassion.
You must be sure that you are in a good place, because it’s difficult to give yourself to someone else (your boyfriend) if you are not sure of the “you” that you are. So, I’d encourage you to get things right with yourself and God first.
You mentioned not really knowing how exactly to pray — Prayer is nothing more than listening and talking with God. So however you are able to do this is good and right. Spend time with God at church (you are absolutely free to go by yourself; no one should withhold you from going to church); spend time alone in silence in a place that you feel is holy. Sometimes I will go and sit by the river to be alone with God. Other times it is in the midst of busyness that I find God.
As to your boyfriend, if he can’t forgive you, then you need to seriously consider whether it is good for you to be with him. If God can forgive you when you are truly sorry, who are we to withhold forgiveness? Make peace with your boyfriend as best as you can, but if he is holding on to the past or is unable to forgive, you may have to make some tough decisions. Getting married will not instantly make everything right. Love, relationships take time — and forgiveness. There will be tough times, and how you work through those times will be an expression of the strength and love of your relationship. I will be sure to pray for you and for Brian.
I’m not sure that considering becoming a nun is the best thing at this point. Ending a relationship is not a reason to join the convent. God’s call to become a nun (or a priest, or married, or a brother, or whatever) is not “second best” or a “consolation prize”. It is THE call and supersedes all other things. While you are with your boyfriend, or if you get married, you can always grow in your relationship with God. God should be at the center of your relationship. As you grow closer to one another, you should be growing closer to God.
Blessings to you, Ash. Know that you are in my prayers.
Sister Julie
Ash,
Thanks sister. I really felt nice by your reply. i was feeling all alone and had no one to talk to. yesterday when i was a little upset and thought of lord jesus christ. i really felt nice and relieved of that down feeling. ur right i need to forgive myself first to come out of this.the only problem is that whenever i try to forgive myself i remember what i have done with brian although he was there with me always however bad i was. he is really a good person and has accepted me with all my flaws. he still wants me to be safe and good.he hasnt left me alone. but he is very upset that i hid things from him which is my sin.if i would have confessed to him before things wouldnt have been bad.but i cant change the past now.
i pray to lord jesus christ to forgive me and bless me with peace.
i have decided to forgive myself first. and make a new begining with Brian where there is just trust and love.
i will keep going to the church as it gives me peace of mind and makes me feel near to god no matter what come may.
i felt really nice to talk to you.may i keep writing to you sister?
thanks again.
sister Julie,
Please pray for me and Brian.
Thanks.
I’ll keep you in my prayers. And feel free to email any time. Sister J
Sister,
Thanks. I have started to go to church regularly. i feel at peace when i go there. Infact thats the only place that makes me feel at peace these days. although the church is quite far but i walk down about half hour to reach there but instead of tiredness it gives me lot of peace. i go there and talk to god for a few minutes.it makes me feel at peace.as if someone is there listening to me.who would not turn me away.i feel a strange strength inside me. Your suggestion helps.
Please keep praying for brian and me. I will keep writing to you as and when i get time.
Thanks again to help me forgive myself and make me trust in God and his faith.
You take care.
Ash.
can any catholic nuns wear makeup or dye their hair? Can they wear their own clothes? I feel compelled to explore the religious life, but I really do like to feel beautiful too. Any help you might have would be great. Thanks!
Michele, Each community has its own customs regarding makeup and hair. I’ve never known makeup or hair dye to be forbidden, neither are really things that nuns obsess about. In terms of wearing our own clothes — some communities do have specific habits that they wear. If there is no specific habit, nuns stil dress modestly. Modestly doesn’t mean dowdy though. And, beauty is something that shines through regardless of makeup, clothes, and hairstyle. Blessings to you,
Sister Julie
Sister,
Would you please pray for Brian and me. I am sensing some trouble that is coming. Please pray to god for giving Brian and me the strength to face the problem together.
Thanks,
Ash.
Absolutely, Ash. God bless you.
Dear Sister Julie,
I’m interested in the religious life but I’m also deeply committed to the academic life. Is it possible to pursue both with equal zeal? My experience with God certainly trumps any kind of happiness, joy, and peacefulness I know, but I’ve had rewarding outcomes from intellectual endeavors and I wonder if the two can’t be in union with one another. Certainly there are extremely powerful Christian intellects in our history, but is there an order which you could recommend, perhaps, for such ambitions?
Thank-you Sister, wonderful site
Lily
Hello, Lily. Thanks for writing. There are many religious communities that are encouraging of the academic life and have sisters involved in higher education. My IHM community is certainly one of them. I also know many Mercy Sisters, Dominicans, and Sisters of Saint Joseph involved in higher education. It really depends on the community and what their mission is. If academia is your gift, I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be encouraged. However, as we all know, life happens, and sometimes there are more pressing needs or ministries. These are good things to be thinking of and should definitely be part of your discernment. Any formation director you speak with will be glad to talk with you about your concerns and gifts. Blessings, Lily.
Hi, Sister Julie.
Thank you so much for your blog and for speaking on this topic.
I am a 39 year old woman, single mother to 3 beautiful children. I am also in the process of confirming my Catholic faith. I was not raised Catholic, nor have I lived the early part of my adult life in a Christian way. However, God has been drawing me deeper and deeper over the past 3+ years. I know I can’t be a nun, even though I am so very drawn to a religious life. I cannot and would not leave my children, now or when they grow up, but do you think there is a way I can truly dedicate my whole self to God? That is what fascinates me about being a nun. I want to live for Him alone–I do wish I could “marry” Him. Does that sound silly? Anyway-do you have any advice for me for ways to be closer to God? What do nuns study other than the Bible and the Catechism? Thank you.
Hi Nancy … good questions that I think others would find helpful too. I’ll write a post soon in response.
UPDATE: Sister Julie’s post on How Can I Dedicate My Whole Self to God?
Hi Sister Julie,
First of all I would like to thank you for your website and kind answers.
I had a very hard time since January 2007 at my work place as I was promoted and co-workers didn’t really appreciate it. Because of the hostility I depressed and been admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks. At the top of that once came out my dearest mother passed away in September07. As the hostility started to get worst and worst, I resigned this year 2008 in February.
What is amazing is that the way to see thing in my life has changed completely. I’ve started to go more often to the church, to the Holy Spirit group of my church and start thinking if there is any possibility to become a nun.
What is worrying me, it’s that my mother used to be a sister of charity order in Africa (Congo ex-Zaire)before getting married to my father she was so young at that time.
My question is, am I trying to substitute the church for the loss of my dearest mother and my job? If not, How can I know if it’s God’s call? Why didn’t I feel the deep need of prayer and contemplation before?
I am a bit sceptic of the situation, as I feel that I am too old for the religious life. I am almost 34 years old with a degree in Business Management. I am Belgian, English is my second language and I live en England.
Please Sister Julie, I would be grateful if you could answer me and help me to discern God’s will.
Hello Sister,
I am at much peace these days. Finally, I forgiven myself. God has been really kind to me. Now-a-days i feel i should get baptised. I somehow feel the urge getting stronger and clear each day.I need your guidance on the same. I dont want my family to know abt it so early. I want to get baptised soon.
Please guide me sister.
Thanks,
Dear Ash, I’m glad to hear that you are doing better. Forgiving ourselves can be one of the hardest things to do. I encourage you to be part of a parish so that you can get to know the Christian faith, hear the Word of God proclaimed, and get to know other Christians. Join a Bible study group if you can or another faith group of people in your age group. The parish leaders will be able to guide you more directly about Baptism and becoming a Christian. And most importantly, be faithful to prayer — talking and listening to God. God will guide you and lead you to Godself. Blessings, Ash.
Sister Julie
If you are divorced and have children can you be a nun? I have a strange calling and I am not Catholic?
Dear Tracy,
Thanks for writing. In order to be a Catholic nun, you must first of all be Catholic. People who convert to Catholicism are welcome to become nuns. Second, if you have been married in the Church and become divorced, you must seek an annulment. Finally, you cannot have any dependent children.
Your “strange calling” is something to definitely reflect on and pursue. If you are not in a place where becoming a nun is an option, this strange calling may be a way that God is using to draw you closer and to invite you into a deeper relationship with God. This may mean through a particular ministry or work or through your family or in terms of your prayer. Stay with this “strange calling”, Tracy, and listen to what God is asking of you.
Blessings, Tracy.
Sister Julie
To all,
Sr. Julie has some good clear guidance here. I’m a webmaster who serves Catholic women’s religious communities. For those wondering if they have a vocation to the life of a sister, they should check out these great communities: Franciscan sisters in Illinois, involved in health care: http://www.laconfranciscans.org; Franciscan Poor Clare contemplatives: http://www.poorclaressantabarbara.org, and these cloistered sisters in Toledo, Ohio: http://www.toledovisitation.org.
You also may want to check out this resource for many good Catholic women’s communities: http://www.religiouslife.com/vocationsearch.
Best wishes in finding God’s will for your life.
I have had plenty of opportunities to marry, but have never had the belief it was from God. Then, I met a man, a good Catholic man, that has helped me grow in Christ in ways I didn’t think possible and I think I have done the same for him. When I first met him, I had this voice (literally) from God that said, “this is the man you supposed to marry” and he was a very unlikely candidate. Then, I found out he was married and doubted my faith. We have created a spirtitual friendship and I have learned, that he too, felt that way immediately. We also met many years ago and didn’t find that out until recently. However, he was married in the Church (despite his lack of spiritual involvement at the time and his mother’s adament spiritual concerns) and she then became Catholic a few years later. Though they do not have the spiritual connection we do, he and I both respect his commitment and have, with great efforts, ensured that we in no way have disrespected his oath to her. I now wonder, since he made the mistake of not listening to God then, if perhaps God had a greater plan and I should consider becoming a nun. I can not marry the man God picked for me (at least in this lifetime) and through much prayer I have come to accept that and still not lose faith (with his help) and I think I could use that to grow in the Lord and give back to the community. God is all knowing, so is it wrong to look at this in such a circumstance-with some disappointment? It seems to me that, in time, I might find the life of a nun to be more fullfilling than the marriage.
Kate,
I am guessing that the single life you have been
leading isn’t very fulfilling for you and doesn’t
appear to be in God’s plan for you? Religious life,
the life of a nun, is in transition, too. We always
seek to understand where God is leading us through
prayer and discernment and conversation with one
another. Married, single or vowed, any life can be
lived and understood as following God’s will.
Continue to pray and read and seek to understand how
God is working in your life.
Blessings, Kate.
How can I know if God really calling me? I’m still thinking if after graduation I’m going to enter or not. If I can help my mother even if I am already a nun. I am afraid to ask for a sign. Sister Eden encourage me but the decision is up to me. Its so hard for me to decide there’s a feeling of wanting to enter and feeling of afraid to grow old alone. Please help me to see the sign or to advise me what I’m going to do. Thank you and take care.
Dear Zyra, It’s always hard to know “for sure” what God is calling us to, but we do our best to follow our experience of God in our heart, our attractions, our talents, and our prayer. Sometimes no matter what signs we ask for or look for, we just have to make a choice and see what happens. I’ve tried things in my life that I felt called to, only to realize that I was miserable when doing those things — not just uncomfortable (for we can feel uncomfortable but still be at peace), but miserable and not at peace at all. Other things I’ve felt called to, the big one being the nun thing, and though I wasn’t 100% sure, I knew I had to live into it. As challenging and joyful as it was, I felt peaceful and kept growing more as myself, and in relationship to God. These are the key signs to look for: growing more as yourself and in relationship to God and others through love and service. These signs are already around/within you. Take a look.
Often making a significant decision we have mixed feelings of fear and attraction, ambivalence and desire. It’s perfectly normal, just try not to be overwhelmed by either of them.
I highly recommend our IHM online discernment retreat … it is a self-paced way to discern important decisions in your life.
Blessings, Zyra.
My life has been filled with innumerable blessings. I was born with a healthy, strong body. I have not been poor and my work has never been too difficult. I graduated college fairly effortlessly and took part in a variety of athletic endeavors. I’m naturally beautiful (physically) and I have a loving family. This ease of my existence has often perplexed me.
For a few years I abused alcohol until, by divine intervention, I was given the grace to stop drinking altogether. Once I returned to sobriety/sanity the prayers of my childhood returned and god reentered my life. I was raised catholic but quit formal practice before I completed my confirmation. Indeed, I continue to question the idea of any “one-faith.” However, I have a firm belief in an overiding spirit of good and I’ve seen angels working in my life.
The idea of a life dedicated to service, prayer, meditation, humanity and god is beautiful. But I can not be sure how I would handle this. I have never desired a husband or a child. I’d love more than anything to learn from wiser folks than myself — I’d love to entirely disassociate from the ties of property or prestige. The “temptations of the flesh” (archaic terminology, but somewhat accurate) have wrought me nothing but unhappiness. Only in meditation and service have I found true solace. In addition, I have often sensed within myself a deep maternal instinct, but I am certain I will not have a child.
I’m 25. Do you have any advice for me? I do plan to pray on this matter…but are there any other steps I should take? My father, sister, and brother find my faith quite unnerving (as they are militant agnostics). My Mom is a believer and a non-practicing catholic.
Thanks for any advice.
Amanda
Dear Amanda,
Many thanks for writing and for sharing a bit of your story. Prayer is definitely the first place to start — talking with and listening to God as you would with a trusted friend. Anyone in any kind of lifestyle (married, single, nun, monk) or any religious/non-religious tradition can pursue a life of service and prayer. I encourage you to spend some time in prayer as well as looking into the particular way you feel attracted to living this kind of life. God has a unique call for you alone, Amanda, and you discover it by looking into where are attracted, what your natural skills and gifts are, and what you feel drawn to even if the idea is a bit unnerving or uncomfortable. Try the discernment retreat I mentioned above to Zyra. Also, spend some time looking into different ways to live a life of prayer and service. It might mean rediscovering your Catholic roots and the adventure of religious life. Or maybe it means becoming an oblate or associate of a community dedicated to peace, prayer, service. And always remember that your longings are not something that you have to wait to act on until you figure stuff out. You can live the prayer and service that you long for now … in every action, in every thought, in every encounter you have now. Find ways to cultivate this sense of prayer and service in how you live right now. That too may lead you to discover the life commitment you seek. My prayers are with you, Amanda.
Dear Sister Julie,
I am just a teenager but lately I’ve been feeling like God might be calling me to be a nun. It’s all up in the air right now though. I was wondering if there was any time in your life that made you sure that you were meant to be a nun? any real event that made you have that revelation? secondly, I was wondering if you are allowed to have a job like publishing or writing when you’re a nun? I really like to write and would like to do something like that when I am older.
Dear Hannah,
Thank you for writing. There is no set time when you “know” that you are supposed to be a nun. For some it happens as they begin to consider what they want for their life. For others it just pops up one day, and still others have known since they were young. God works in different ways, ways that suit each person. For me, I never wanted to be a nun. But when I was in grad school and really began to think about what i wanted to do with my life, what my gift to the world would be, I considered religious life because I knew some pretty awesome nuns in my school.
Here are a couple posts I did a while ago about how I became a nun:
how to get out of being a nun
Decoding Formation: who me??
You can be a nun and pretty much do anything. Some communities have a specific kind of ministry that they are involved in. For example, a community might be dedicated to healing and caring for people via nursing and hospital work. If a person is called to work on behalf of the poor and vulnerable through civil law, or if a person is called to cloistered life, then the nursing community might not be best for them. I happened to work for 3.5 years at a publishing company and I continue to do a lot of writing (here on this blog and elsewhere). The key is making sure your ministry flows from the heart and mission of your community.
As a teenager, you’re not too young to think about it and learn about what it means. Take time to get to know sisters and nuns. Discover your gifts and grow in them. Be faithful to prayer. Go to college if at all possible. Fall in love at least a few times! All these things are not peripheral — they are important for you or anyone to choose a lifelong commitment like religious life.
Hi Sr. Julie!
I am Dominique. I think your comment about your vocation choosing you instead of you choosing it; is so true. I am not yet a sister because i am only 17 but about a year ago, God choose me. I kept denying Him and for a long time i was miserable. I had a boyfriend for almost two years and i thought; i have this wonderful guy i can’t be a nun, that would be insanity.
But the more i ran from Him the more miserable i became. I finally agreed to serve him and i broke up with my boyfriend about 6 months ago. Since then, i have become the happiest person and Jesus has given me so much Joy. As you said, religious life is more about loving and serving the world instead of loving one person. I felt so constrained in my relationship because i had to focus on him instead of everybody’s needs.
Although i have faced some trials and it has been hard at times, i am learning to Trust my wholly in the Lord and choosing to give myself freely back to Him was the best decision i could have ever made. I would never go back on this; God is my core and i have found my true self through Him! Now i know who i am, a servant of God and i can not wait to spread His Love and Joy as He teaches me.
I think what y’all do is great! You’re reward will be great in Heaven!
God Bless!
how do you really know if you’re being called? I feel that I am but there are things that I enjoy doing. Working out and chatting with friends. Can you still maintain friendships? What about visiting family?
“I think deep down, I recognized that I was most fully myself when I was in tune with God.”
I love how you said this. I feel the exact same way.
Hi Sister Julie,
I’m so glad to have stumbled upon your blog and relieved that the Catholic community is keeping up with technology and modern times. I just wanted to know your impression based on this e-letter of mine.
At a young age, I’ve always been drawn to prayer and instead of wanting a big debut celebration, I chose to celebrate my 18th birthday on a pilgrimage tour that took me to Israel and Europe. In that group, I was the only 18yo who traveled on her own, the rest were the elderly. There was only one girl younger than me but she was there coz her parents took her along and not coz she really wanted to join a pilgrimage tour. I’ve also found myself oddly drawn to quiet prayer and I see it as a source of joy, happiness and peace and this is how I’ve been since I was in my teens. I am now 30 and am part of a contemplative prayer group that meet up once a week and I look forward to attending this prayer group every single week. I look more forward to going here rather than to going out on other days with friends. I am a very sociable , outgoing, outspoken and active person but I hardly find romantic relationships interesting. I love being with people, talking, being active in many engagements be it socio-civic activities, traveling overseas or locally, or simply chit-chatting w kindred spirits on current events and politics. I cannot quite point it out if I am for marriage, the religious life or single life but at this moment, I feel like narrowing it to the single life since i feel that I am not for the religious life because I somehow want to be sure and would not like to make a mistake by thinking that the religious life is for me. I do love praying the rosary and I am a devout Catholic and Marian devotee. I also have apprehensions in sharing with most of my friends that I love being part of a contemplative prayer group not out of embarassment but because, for some reason, I feel happier keeping it to myself.
I hope you can help me out here and let me know what you think.
Thanks!
Hi DiscerningKid, Thank you for writing and telling me a bit about yourself. It sounds like you are in a good space with God and have a good sense of your “spiritual rhythm”. Often times our life vocation is not something we choose but something that chooses us! I always wanted to be married and never wanted to be a Catholic sister, but God found a way of weaving it into my mind and heart and helped me to be open to the possibility. Once open, I could see how truly fulfilling it would be for me and how much more I could serve God and others. Again, “for me” — I’m not saying that this is true for everyone. However God calls us isthe best way for us. What I’m saying is that you may have found that you are already living the vocation God has called you to. Here are some questions to reflect on … Does how you are living “suit” you? Are you able to be of service to others? Are you growing in your relationship with God? What in your life feels like “home”? Do you have enough support in terms of your spirituality and your mission?
It’s difficult to “read” a person through a couple paragraphs, but I get a sense that you may in fact be attracted to religious life but are afraid that that would be presumptuous or something. If that is the case, I want you to know that none of us are ever “worthy” enough to be called personally by God. We are all messed up human beings with various failings and issues. But remember the words that we pray at Mass … “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.” Through Christ we are made worthy to give our lives to God through any vocation. It is the Spirit who works within us, helping us to pray, to minister, to listen, to serve. If you feel an attraction to religious life, check it out! If it’s not for you, then it’s not for you. The very process of looking intently into religious life (or any vocation) is a way of responding to God and a way of deepening your relationship with God. Doesn’t matter what the outcome is.
My prayers are with you, DK.
Hi, sister julie. i am 18 not cathloic but looking into becomeing a nun. I have lead a pretty rough life in the sense there has been alot of heartbreak and hurt. i feel as if i am losing my connection with god more and more each day ever since my mom died, and i hate that feeling cause everyday i just get more and more lonely without him and me losing the connection with him i used to write him in a prayer journal everday and now not at all. i was wondering if you could give me info on how to become a nun and requirements and such not catholic since i am not catholic. i just feeel that this is something i need to do like more and more i feel this is where i am supposed to be. thank you so much for your blogs
amen to that i love when GOD is calling me to do his well and his well for me is to become a nun for him
Hi Amanda, thanks for writing. So sorry to hear about your mom and that life has been rough. know that even though it feels like God is far away, God is really right there with you. As one of my nuns used to tell me, God is closer than the next breath you take. While it is nice to “feel” God there, most of the time we need to take it on faith because God isn’t just a feeling though God can certainly be present to us through feelings. Being a nun doesn’t necessarily mean that God will feel closer. Even for those of us who dedicate our life to God and God’s people, there is still struggle with prayer and feeling close to God. Like you, we have to find ways to become aware of how God is present to us even if we don’t feel it. Writing in a journal is a good suggestion and you may find other ways that help you with your connection. Being with God, being present to God — in other words, prayer — is an important first step in considering how God is calling you. If writing no longer helps you connect with God, experiment with other ways — a walk in a forest while being mindful of God, attending a Bible study, helping out at the local shelter or hospice, writing to your representative about human life issues, reading a good spiritual book (doesn’t have to be overtly religious to be spiritual!). If you continue to feel a longing to explore life as a Catholic nun, then spend some time with on the page How to Become a Catholic Nun. Blessings to you, Amanda, as you continue to respond to God’s call to you.
First of all, I will keep everyone who posted in my prayers.
Second of all, in answer to the question, Jesus is my motivation to become a nun because if He hadn’t asked me I wouldn’t do it.
Third of all, there were a few young women who posted a comments and I want to say to them, you are never to young to start thinking about what God has called you to do. Also it is very hard when you are young to be thinking about doing something this different but I would like to offer some encouragement. Yes it’s huge, yes it’s scary and yes you will get a lot of stuff from family and friends who don’t understand. It’s hard when people make fun of you and tease you about it, but I would remind you to offer it up either for the holy souls in Purgatory or find something wrong in the world that you care about and offer it up for that. In my case I offer it up for babies in risk of abortion because that is what I’m passionate about. Also remember that it is so worth it, no matter what you end up deciding, to have that reassurance that you prayed about God’s will in your life.
I ask you to please pray for me as well as I am at the point in my life where I am going to start visiting orders. Thank you very much.
JMJ+
~Betsy
Totus tuus Maria!
hello.
I need some advice. I am 17 years old.
We got a new priest and the organist retired causing my church to have no music. My mother volunteered that I would sing. I couldn’t say ‘no’. So, I ended up being a cantor. I have run the music at my church every Sunday for the past three years. I play bassoon, but picked up guitar and started to play that off and on in church. I am heading off to college next year for a degree in music education. However, I think I may be ‘called’ to the religious life. I am not sure. Music is the rope that drew me closer to God. I don’t think I could just cut that rope. Any info. would be amazingly helpful.
thank you.
julie christine
Dear Julie Christine, Thank you for writing. Isn’t it interesting how sometimes our calling (in your case as music minister) finds us instead of us finding it!? You highlight an important aspect of vocation … that God often calls us in and through the needs that we see around us. For you, music ministry is an important part of that. I know in my IHM congregation, we have many sisters who minister via music – some in Church, some as composers, and some for therapy. At our Jubilee celebration this past weekend it was awesome to see all our singers and musicians come together to honor the Jubilarians and to sing praise to God! I encourage you to stick with your music — however you express it now or in the future. Also, check out How to become a Catholic nun for a guide on the basics, especially in terms of prayer and discernment. Also, if you are interested in connecting with a Catholic sister who is musically-inclined (after karaoke this weekend, my nuns will NEVER let me near a mic again) I’d be happy to make a connection for you. And be sure to visit the Vocation Forum here at A Nun’s Life. There are lots of others who are in various stages of discernment. They are a warm, welcoming, thoughtful community. And do let me know how I can help you along the way. My prayers are with you.
Julie Christine –
Saint Cecilia, patroness of music, would be a good companion for you. Anyway, music and religious life are very compatible, particularly in orders that chant/sing the Liturgy of the Hours (whether the entire LOTH or just parts of it). Also, I have known many a sister that serves as cantor/music director/organist for parishes, or for the chapel at their convent/motherhouse, etc. The two are extremely compatible. Additionally, sisters can function as music teachers.
Keep your heart open and I am sure God will lead you where He wishes you to be. God works with our desires — He will not lead you into an unhappy vocation. There is no such thing!
Ajani
p.s. Do take Sr Julie’s advice on participating in the Vocation Forum — it is a beautiful ministry.
Sister Julie,
I would be more than interested to connect with a Catholic Sister who is musically inclined!
thank you
Julie Christine
Thank you for sharing your motivations for becoming a nun. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who has and is experiencing an unsure feeling that God is calling me to live a religious life. The call to me seems very strong. I find myself eager and excited to follow through with this, but at the same time I am a little bit afraid. I am not quite sure what I would be getting myself into or who to turn to that I can trust. I know I will have to give up a great many things. I am 16 years old and I know I still have plenty of time to decide what I want to do with my life. I have dreamed of becoming a veterinarian and getting married. However, becoming a nun is the only path I can see myself taking at the moment. I guess I will just let God guide me. If I was meant to get married I will get married. If I was meant to live a religious life I will live it. May I ask you a question. Do you ever face any troubles while living the life of a nun? Please share them. (feel free to ignore this question.)
Ashley, check out some of the suggestions on becoming a catholic nun — these might help you as you continue to think about the possibility of God calling you to become a nun. I encourage you to pursue your college degree. Your desire to be a vet might also be an invitation from God to use the gifts that God has given you. Even while you are in college you can continue to get to know nuns and discern and learn more about religious life.
Your question is a good one. Let me ponder and I’ll respond in a post soon.
Can a nun change communities after they have joined one and then later discover that another community fits them better?
The simple answer is yes, nuns can change communities. However this is not an ordinary thing. First, it takes 5-7 years of formation and discernment to become a nun under permanent vows. So a person has plenty of time to see if the community “fits”. Once she is well in the process, it’s rare though possible that she’d switch because her community becomes like her family. But sometimes a nun finds that she is no longer in sync with her community and in that case she discerns with her community and may decide to take a leave of absence. During that time she might get to know other communities that she is more in sync with and then discern with them. Such a decision is never made lightly.
Hi Sister Julie,
I have a question about the motivation to be a nun.
I recently started going to a Catholic church and will be baptized soon. But I was not Christian before (I am now 27 year old) All the difficulties that I went through recently in my life made me turn to God as I understood no one is as trustworthy, powerful and loving as he is.
My difficulties were my parent’s divorce and a break up with a boyfriend I planned to marry. Now I feel that living in a monastery and dedicating my life to God is the only way to for me to live in peace.
I have talked to some people about my situation, and they told me that I am trying to escape from this world I live in by going to the monastery.
I have spoken to a nun today, and she said she got a calling when she was 18. so she told me i have to listen carefully for god’s calling.
Is it okay to turn to God after so much difficulties in life? or is it an escape?
What can I do to listen to God more carefully? Do you find peace in monastery life?
Kyoko
Dear Kyoko,
It is difficult to say if turning to the convent after a difficult situation is an escape or a genuine calling. In general, I think whenever a person goes through a challenging time like what you described, it’s important to not make any major life decisions. You need time to regroup and ground your own self. You must trust in yourself, and feel good about who you are before you can give yourself to anyone or any life commitment like Religious Life. That being said, God works in all sorts of ways in our life. It may be that God is using this situation as a way to get your attention. It may not be immediately to religious life, but it may be to develop a deeper relationship with God, learn more about God and how God is with you. Maybe some retreat time would help you just to be close to God, to be quiet, and to make sure you are okay with yourself.
In any life choice — even being a sister or nun — we have times of peace and times of unrest, challenge, and distress. We are not exempt from regular life or from suffering. Like other Christians, we place our hope in Christ and we struggle and we pray and we find a way to move on. I encourage you to consider doing a weekend or week retreat (depending on your time and work) just to regroup and ground yourself in your relationship with God. Spend time each day in quiet prayer, listening and occasionally talking to God. If there is a particular practice that you like — walking in the woods, writing in a journal, drawing — use that as a way to pray. Also there are some good scripture verses to pray with on page How to Become a Catholic Nun.
Blessings, Kyoko.
Sister Julie
Sister Julie:
I’ve had a rough day with my kids and the poster who said all mothers should be canonized brought tears to my eyes. So thank you for that.
I often dream of having a life with different responsibilities, a more regimented and reflective life… to that end I am working on an art/theater piece about my parallel life where my character has dedicated herself to a spiritual life. I have a stereotype in my mind of those who dedicate themselves to Christianity as resentful and dried up. I didn’t want it to be that way but it’s what I have sometimes observed. I came across your site searching for examples that counteract that prejudice. So thank you for blowing that stereotype out of the water and showing me what I was hoping to find. I love your site and wish you luck.