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what motivates a person to become a nun??
By Sister Julie | December 14, 2006
“Lilpeep” left a comment for me a little while back. Seeing as how I was delinquent in responding, I thought I’d make up for it by devoting a whole post to Lilpeep’s questions.
Hey Julie, I was wondering, what motivation did you have to become a nun? Why did you choose that type of career/life??
You asked what my motivation was for becoming a nun. Well, I didn’t really plan on becoming a nun. My motivation was to live my life the best way I could as a young, single, Catholic woman. I knew my options were single life, married life, and religious life. I figured that I was destined for married life. I always wanted to be married and to be a mom. But, I decided I’d check out the religious thing just to say “been there, done that” … so I wouldn’t have any doubts about that NOT being my call. Well, that didn’t happen. It turns out it was my call. I think deep down, I recognized that I was most fully myself when I was in tune with God. It just so happened that for me, that meant living the lifestyle of a religious. For others, it may mean living a married life, being a parent, becoming ordained or choosing single life. Whatever lifestyle God calls us to is IT, the best one for us. I realized that to be true to myself meant that I had to let go of something and let God do the driving. I still am quite a back seat driver, but more and more I am able to say “not my will, Lord, but yours be done”.
Being a nun is more of a way of life than it is a career. I think of a career as something that at the end of the day or week, I can come home and do my ordinary stuff. I’m “off duty” so to speak. Just like being married is not a career, being a nun is not really a career because being a nun is part of who I am. It’s like I’ve got this IHM dna now that is as much a part of me as my family is. As with married life, our vows are for life — in good times and in bad.
In a way, I wasn’t the one who first chose this life of being a nun. It’s like it chose me. I know that sounds kinda weird, but it’s true. It’s not something I ever would have thought would “fit” me. Yet, by golly, it does. Once I realized that this is what God was calling me to, I had to take the time and space to choose it for myself, to make God’s call my own, to embrace it freely. After some major resisting, running, and denial, I was able to freely choose this life, knowing that it is the best way I can be me and serve God and the world.
Topics: NUN 101, discernment |
7. First Vows
December 14th, 2006 at 9:28 pm
This is so true, Julie. In the end it is because God has called us to give ourselves to Him in this way of consecration. He knows that it is in this way of life that we flourish as real human beings! For another person they flourish in the married state. What is important is that we chose the way of life in which we can be happy (because God wants us to be happy!) and flourish and become holy. For some it is religious life, for another single life and for many married life. (I think all moms shouls be canonized!) This doesn’t mean that there aren’t crosses in any state of life and my experience is that some people share so deeply in Christ’s Passion in a way that boggles my mind.
The Lord invites but it is up to us to respond. The response but be chosen again everyday of our lives!
December 14th, 2006 at 10:39 pm
Great post. It inspired my own.
December 15th, 2006 at 7:20 am
This is exactly how I feel about being a lesbian. For a long time, I thought I could ignore that part of myself by seeking a call to religious life but now I know that the call comes to each person individually. I do not dictate God’s plan.
December 15th, 2006 at 8:16 am
I think many of us fall into the mistaken belief that we can dictate God’s plan. Our ideas always sound so compellingly good … why wouldn’t God want to give us the A-OK? But we don’t have the kind of 360 vision that God has.
December 15th, 2006 at 11:02 am
Great post Julie! I didn’t want to be a nun either. I was so into sports throughtout high school. I even was accepted at a college and had my room. Than one day I got this feeling and I knew I had to go see if being a nun was for me. I even told my parents and friends I will be back by Christmas. Oh well, here I am still living religious life. We don’t choose God, God choose us and called us to this life. And that has made all the difference!
December 16th, 2006 at 10:29 pm
There you go, telling my story again….I was just writing about this the other day…kind of scary…
December 17th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
I truly admire your faith and dedication and that of all Nuns. You are a blessing God has sent to the rest of us. Bless you
Bill
January 25th, 2007 at 6:43 am
I am 28yrs old and was formally engaged to be married to my 2nd BF mid this year although I had this calling to enter religious life since High School but had since evaded it like the Plague. As the wedding day nears, I hear the calling to be ‘louder’ than ever. Maybe that is why I’ve found this blog spot. Am I just pissed off by the wedding preparations or something shocking will happen in my life in the coming days? By the way, I am working here in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, out of my home town in the Phils where the wedding will be. There’s is no convent here where I can observe the life of the nuns, even though the only thing i can think of now is doing a residency in any congregation and in any part of the world. I feel like i need to escape and finally live the life the God wants me to have. If only I could push the pause button right now…I’d appreciate very much more words of wisdom from others here who have experienced the religous life. Thanks.
January 27th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
Marivic, I don’t know you well enough to give you any specific advice, but I know myself well enough to be able to say that if I had chosen to enter religious life as any kind of escape, I’m quite sure it would have turned out to be a disaster. If you have a calling to religious life, I’m guessing it will be there, loud and strong, if you can just hang in there until the “need to escape” feeling subsides.
Hope that helps!
January 29th, 2007 at 7:19 am
Hello Marivic, Thanks for your comment. It can definitely be unnerving as one comes closer and closer to the day one makes a major life commitment. Not knowing all the circumstances which you are facing, I would suggest that you first look at the relationship that you are in right now. I agree with Sandy that coming to religious life (or beginning a relationship with another person) ought not come out of the desire to escape something. You’ve got to deal with the main thing: your relationship. Put aside the religious life question right now. Is this relationship your heart’s desire? Can you filter through the negative feelings associated with the wedding prep and identify what is truly upsetting you? We all have doubts at one time or another, we all wonder “what if” … trust that you are already responding to God’s call through this relationship. Remember, that too is a calling. I personally would have loved to be married and have children. I do not regret my decision, but I did have to face the fact that that was no longer going to be an option for me. It was a choice I made because I found my home within religious life and the IHM community. Hang in there, Marivic. We’re praying for you. Sister Julie
February 6th, 2007 at 8:18 am
can nuns drink alcohol?
February 6th, 2007 at 8:20 am
this eem like a stupid quetion but im playing a nun in a production and there is a musical number in it called ‘romance’ most of the characters are drinking alcohol, would it be suitable for my character Mother Superior to be drinking?
February 6th, 2007 at 9:56 am
Hi Lucy … In general, yes. Nuns can drink alcohol. Some religious communities may not allow it at all, but that is according to their own rule not some global mandate forbidding nuns to drink. Not being a Mother Superior myself, I’m guessing that a nun in a leadership position who is in a public situation would tend not to drink. At most she may nurse a glass of wine for the night, but probably not do shots at the bar with the other guests (even if she could drink them under the table any day). The general rule here is: All things in moderation. Thanks for the question and good luck being the “Supe”!
February 24th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
Sister Julie,
My mother nor I are Catholic however, my mother has been struggling with alot of issues in her life. She has made referrence to “becoming a nun”. I told her I do not think that is possible due to the fact that she is not Catholic was I wrong in this accusation?
February 25th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Dear Janice, thank you for your comment. Actually there are nuns in other Christian traditions as well as in other religions. For example, see my post on tennis star Andrea Jaeger who became an Anglican nun. There are also ecumenical communities comprised of Catholics, Protestants, and Orothodox Christians (e.g., Taize community in France). So one does not have to be a Catholic in order to be a nun. If a person wants to be a Catholic nun then they must be a Catholic. I wish you and your mom well. Sister Julie
March 1st, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I don’t think I have any future in career or personal life either; feel guilty about being 26 and still financially supported by my parents. Don’t smoke or drink or lead a ‘wild’ lifestyle. Trouble is, I may have being raised in a christian community but I’m pagan. U think I could b a nun?
March 12th, 2007 at 11:38 am
Hi Mother Superior,
I’m not a christian at all. But I’m deserted with the problems that I face in life. basically I’m very much worried abt my actions. I’m worried to do things because it may hurt others. I just wanna stay away from normal life. I want to stay away from any known contacts around me. But I’m from an orthodox indian family. is there a way for me to have peace in my life after becoming a nun Mother superior? Will jesus help me to forget my past mother??
March 13th, 2007 at 6:16 am
Thank you for the comments …
Dorothy, Sounds like you are in a tough space in your life. You are not alone. For many people your age it can be a challenge to decide on a direction in life. This is a good time for you because the unrest you are feeling may be the Spirit nudging you along to ponder these things more deeply and to see what it is that attracts you and would help you become more fully the person who you are. In regard to the nun question, to be a Christian nun one must be a practicing Christian. The life of a Christian nun centers around our faith in the liberating mission of Jesus Christ. If religious life does attract you then I suggest you first immerse yourself in the Christian faith and see what God is calling you to. You will be in my prayers.
AC, You also sound like you are in a touch space too. Sometimes our life can get way overwhelming with things we’ve done, people we know, etc. You don’t have to become a nun to experience peace in your life. God calls us to this peace here and now, even in the midst of tough times. God is with you at this very moment calling you to himself and asking you to trust in him. Talk with God about what you desire, how you can find peace, what you need to do to change things in your life to help you truly be yourself. Unresolved tensions in life get carried with us even when we become a nun. Sooner or later we have to deal with them. We may not be able to change what happened in the past, but we can change how we choose to respond to those persons or events, no matter how painful. You are in my prayers as well.
Please email me if you’d like to continue this conversation.
March 13th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Just an FYI, there are a few communities which are non-Christian who follow what could be considered a Religious Life. I don’t want to stray off topic for you, but I would be willing to communicate with Dorothy about this issue.
I understand the desire for community when one has the feeling of being the only one who believes the way you do. Even though I am not a religious (11 days til my wedding!) I think that choosing that calling (or allowing yourself to be chosen) is much more of an active choice and not a passive retreat. One does not escape the pressure of life… I would think that one would meet it head on at that point. Your quote at the top of your page explains it very well… to open one’s Self to the Divine is to open to the Truth of your life… and that can be a very difficult and uncomfortable thing. On the other hand, it has been the most uplifting and wonderfully horrid thing I have ever done! LOL
Thank you for providing this forum. It may take turns that you never imagined, but it is a refreshing time for me to come and read. Thank you.
March 13th, 2007 at 11:15 am
Elizabeth, many thanks for your offer. I will remember it should I get similar questions and send them over to your blog.
April 9th, 2007 at 9:30 am
Dear Sister Julie,
Firstly, I wanted to say how wonderful it has been to read your blogs - a real insight into your choice of lifestyle. I am joint-writing a play about ‘community’ and for my part have been asked to explore convent life and the sense of community afforded by a ’sisterhood’. Is there anything you could tell me about being part of such a family? Grateful in advance,
Libby
April 16th, 2007 at 12:53 pm
Thanks, Libby, for the comment and inquiry. Send me an email with your specific questions and I’d be glad to respond. Sister Julie
April 16th, 2007 at 2:04 pm
The “worst” decision I ever made in my life was turning it over to God. Up to that point, I was convinced that the convent was the life for me, a life of prayer and service to God — what could be better? Then God entered my life as a living Person, and I gave it all to Him. Here I am, 39 years later, married to the same guy with two grown children…. As the saying goes, “Don’t try this at home,” meaning, in this case, don’t give your life to God unless you’re prepared for Him to take you seriously. All your plans will be upset. You will be guided to paths you never remotely considered. You will be tested and rearranged and never left in peace for more than a few days at a time. And it will be GLORIOUS, as you find yourself becoming so much more than you ever in your wildest dreams thought you could be.
April 22nd, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Hi everyone. Is it wrong to become a Nun because a man has hurt my feelings? Im a very strong Christian also. Sometimes I feel like God just wants me to live my life for him and become a Nun and just dedicate my whole life to him.
April 23rd, 2007 at 5:40 am
The discernment process for becoming a nun doesn’t happen overnight. While you might be truly called to religious life, just because someone hurts your feelings is not in itself a good motivation to become a nun. We may be attracted to religious life in various ways, but a vocation must be prayed over and discerned.
Regardless of whether or not you should be a nun, God does in fact want you to live your life for him. All Christians are called to this. Some live this out through the union of marriage, some by living singly and dedicating themselves to ministry, others through religious life. People who are in religious life or who are ordained do not have a monopoly on dedicating themselves to God.
August 28th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Thank you for creating this sacred space. I’ve been looking for such dialogue for a long time.
Peace and prayers,
January 30th, 2008 at 4:56 am
I wanted to be a nun when I was a child.. and then I grew up and met boys. But every now and then the thought would re-surface, especially when I was disappointed. Now I’m in my late 20s and in a relationship with a nice person who says he wants to be with me forever but needs some time before he is ready to marry. Funnily enough I was having an innocent conversation with a religious person and before I knew it I’m actually considering becoming a nun. I know how wonderful it is to give it all to God and let him do the worrying. I am also happy to think that becoming a nun would allow me to work closely with the people suffering as a result of the civil war in my mother’s home town.
I love my boyfriend and will be upset if he can’t make up his mind to get married by the end of the year because I am so ready for it. But at the same time I am happy that I know if it doesn’t work out I can always become a nun.
Should I be worried about the way I feel? Am I missing God’s calling?
February 28th, 2008 at 9:55 am
God will bless all for creating something like this…
February 28th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Ange … sorry to have missed your comment! If the feeling of wanting to become a nun keeps coming back to you, you would do well to explore it, see if it something God is really calling you to. Women choose to become nuns not because they are disappointed, or because don’t have a boyfriend or because they are unhappy. On the contrary, women choose to become nuns because it is deeply fulfilling, because it is a life that makes them most truly who they are and who God wishes them to be. Same is true for those called to marriage. It has to be a life, a relationship that truly fits. In any way of life, you can serve God, you can work with people who are suffering. That too is a call that you can live as a nun, a single person or as a married person. If you are not sure about marrying your boyfriend, if you’re having a hard time making up your mind about marriage or religious life, then I’d strongly recommend you make no decisions, especially ones of this magnitude. You just might need some more time to find out what God is truly asking of you. Take the time that you need to know yourself and where God is leading you. My prayers are with you, Ange. Sister Julie
February 29th, 2008 at 1:18 am
Sister, I am a girl who is much troubled in life. When I was in my 8th grade, i thought of becoming a nun but my parents didn’t allow me to do so. I have suffered under my parents so much and I have been deprived of care and love from my parents. Everyday I used to get beatings and scoldings from them. I have a good boyfriend who doesn’t have a anything. My parents wants me to leave him but I only want him. We both are catholics from our birth
I only want only one thing from you that is to pray for both of us as we only have our God Jesus. Please pray for both of us please Sister Julie!
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Hi Elizabeth, you and your boyfriend are most certainly in my prayer. Sister Julie
March 7th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
dear sister julie.
your post made me feel so inspired and motivated for going to persue my dream of living the life you living now.it sounds corny but every word you wrote just touched my heart and my emotinal state i am in righet now.
next week im going to try out the nun life in a real full time monsary.
i will carry your words with me thruout this journey and never forget to live up my goals.
so thank you. merillin.
March 21st, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Sr. Julie, how nice to come across your post. Perhaps you can offer some advice for my situation too. I am 24, and next year I will be marrying my high school sweetheart. There is not question that this relationship is important to me, and we are both very happy together. The difficulty is, since I was a little girl I have desired to become a sister. I went on retreats at a young age, and have grown to enjoy the quiet of prayer and peace of feeling close with the Lord. I still attend mass alot, and I find I am often the only one at mass or other scripture readings under the age of 50. I am not sure if my desire to live as a sister comes from my strong admiration of the these women, or if it is my calling. I often wonder how to discern what is my calling, and what is just reflective of the close relationships I have had with various sisters over my life. I pray about it, but remain unsure. Once, while in prayer, I felt a calling to bring my faith into my relationship. I’d appreciate any thoughts you have about my situation.
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:33 am
Sister Julie,
I belong to an indian non-catholic family. i had a very bad past. i mean i made it bad myself. i have a boyfrnd “Brian” who is catholic. all was going well before but my past seems to come in between us everytime. he is a very nice person. he loves me a lot but is not able to commit coz of my bad past. althougth he wants to forgive me he is not able to forgive me and be normal. we are with each other but just coz we cant live without each other. but his trust is broken coz of my past.
sister i was bad in the past but i have really changed. i am being loyal to him and try to keep him happy as much as i can.however he is not able to get back to the normal way the way he was with me before.
i go to church sometimes i feel my heart at peace when i go and pray. i really dont know to pray the exact way, however i pray my way and it gives me peace. although he feels that i shouldnt go to church without him.
i have decided that if he ever leaves me i would want to isolate myself and give myself up to god. coz i am dedicated to him and being dedicated to someone is also like being dedicated to god.
i want to spend my life with him and give him all the happiness in this world. however if it doesnt work. i would want to become a nun.
please advise whether it is a right decision.also if possible please pray for Brian and my relationship, that it improves and we both get married to each other asap.
Need your advise and blessings.
Thanks for hearing was feeling very lonely, no one to talk.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:19 am
Dear Ash, Thank you for writing to me. Know that you are never alone — come by any time.
The first thing that strikes me as I read your story is FORGIVENESS. First and foremost, you need to be at peace with yourself, your past, and God. Trust me when I say that all of us, sometimes the best saints among us, are the worst of sinners. We must learn to seek forgiveness from God, forgive ourselves, and be willing to live fully and joyfully the life that God has given us. Find what you need to do in order to deal with your past — talk it over with a trusted mentor, seek professional care, attend your religious services. No matter what, keep taking your concerns and cares to God. God wants nothing more than to embrace you with love and compassion.
You must be sure that you are in a good place, because it’s difficult to give yourself to someone else (your boyfriend) if you are not sure of the “you” that you are. So, I’d encourage you to get things right with yourself and God first.
You mentioned not really knowing how exactly to pray — Prayer is nothing more than listening and talking with God. So however you are able to do this is good and right. Spend time with God at church (you are absolutely free to go by yourself; no one should withhold you from going to church); spend time alone in silence in a place that you feel is holy. Sometimes I will go and sit by the river to be alone with God. Other times it is in the midst of busyness that I find God.
As to your boyfriend, if he can’t forgive you, then you need to seriously consider whether it is good for you to be with him. If God can forgive you when you are truly sorry, who are we to withhold forgiveness? Make peace with your boyfriend as best as you can, but if he is holding on to the past or is unable to forgive, you may have to make some tough decisions. Getting married will not instantly make everything right. Love, relationships take time — and forgiveness. There will be tough times, and how you work through those times will be an expression of the strength and love of your relationship. I will be sure to pray for you and for Brian.
I’m not sure that considering becoming a nun is the best thing at this point. Ending a relationship is not a reason to join the convent. God’s call to become a nun (or a priest, or married, or a brother, or whatever) is not “second best” or a “consolation prize”. It is THE call and supersedes all other things. While you are with your boyfriend, or if you get married, you can always grow in your relationship with God. God should be at the center of your relationship. As you grow closer to one another, you should be growing closer to God.
Blessings to you, Ash. Know that you are in my prayers.
Sister Julie
March 24th, 2008 at 9:36 am
Ash,
Thanks sister. I really felt nice by your reply. i was feeling all alone and had no one to talk to. yesterday when i was a little upset and thought of lord jesus christ. i really felt nice and relieved of that down feeling. ur right i need to forgive myself first to come out of this.the only problem is that whenever i try to forgive myself i remember what i have done with brian although he was there with me always however bad i was. he is really a good person and has accepted me with all my flaws. he still wants me to be safe and good.he hasnt left me alone. but he is very upset that i hid things from him which is my sin.if i would have confessed to him before things wouldnt have been bad.but i cant change the past now.
i pray to lord jesus christ to forgive me and bless me with peace.
i have decided to forgive myself first. and make a new begining with Brian where there is just trust and love.
i will keep going to the church as it gives me peace of mind and makes me feel near to god no matter what come may.
i felt really nice to talk to you.may i keep writing to you sister?
thanks again.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:58 am
sister Julie,
Please pray for me and Brian.
Thanks.
March 28th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I’ll keep you in my prayers. And feel free to email any time. Sister J
March 30th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Sister,
Thanks. I have started to go to church regularly. i feel at peace when i go there. Infact thats the only place that makes me feel at peace these days. although the church is quite far but i walk down about half hour to reach there but instead of tiredness it gives me lot of peace. i go there and talk to god for a few minutes.it makes me feel at peace.as if someone is there listening to me.who would not turn me away.i feel a strange strength inside me. Your suggestion helps.
Please keep praying for brian and me. I will keep writing to you as and when i get time.
Thanks again to help me forgive myself and make me trust in God and his faith.
You take care.
Ash.
April 9th, 2008 at 2:30 am
can any catholic nuns wear makeup or dye their hair? Can they wear their own clothes? I feel compelled to explore the religious life, but I really do like to feel beautiful too. Any help you might have would be great. Thanks!
April 11th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
Michele, Each community has its own customs regarding makeup and hair. I’ve never known makeup or hair dye to be forbidden, neither are really things that nuns obsess about. In terms of wearing our own clothes — some communities do have specific habits that they wear. If there is no specific habit, nuns stil dress modestly. Modestly doesn’t mean dowdy though. And, beauty is something that shines through regardless of makeup, clothes, and hairstyle. Blessings to you,
Sister Julie
April 20th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Sister,
Would you please pray for Brian and me. I am sensing some trouble that is coming. Please pray to god for giving Brian and me the strength to face the problem together.
Thanks,
Ash.
April 20th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Absolutely, Ash. God bless you.
April 21st, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Dear Sister Julie,
I’m interested in the religious life but I’m also deeply committed to the academic life. Is it possible to pursue both with equal zeal? My experience with God certainly trumps any kind of happiness, joy, and peacefulness I know, but I’ve had rewarding outcomes from intellectual endeavors and I wonder if the two can’t be in union with one another. Certainly there are extremely powerful Christian intellects in our history, but is there an order which you could recommend, perhaps, for such ambitions?
Thank-you Sister, wonderful site
Lily
April 21st, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Hello, Lily. Thanks for writing. There are many religious communities that are encouraging of the academic life and have sisters involved in higher education. My IHM community is certainly one of them. I also know many Mercy Sisters, Dominicans, and Sisters of Saint Joseph involved in higher education. It really depends on the community and what their mission is. If academia is your gift, I can’t imagine it wouldn’t be encouraged. However, as we all know, life happens, and sometimes there are more pressing needs or ministries. These are good things to be thinking of and should definitely be part of your discernment. Any formation director you speak with will be glad to talk with you about your concerns and gifts. Blessings, Lily.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:45 am
Hi, Sister Julie.
Thank you so much for your blog and for speaking on this topic.
I am a 39 year old woman, single mother to 3 beautiful children. I am also in the process of confirming my Catholic faith. I was not raised Catholic, nor have I lived the early part of my adult life in a Christian way. However, God has been drawing me deeper and deeper over the past 3+ years. I know I can’t be a nun, even though I am so very drawn to a religious life. I cannot and would not leave my children, now or when they grow up, but do you think there is a way I can truly dedicate my whole self to God? That is what fascinates me about being a nun. I want to live for Him alone–I do wish I could “marry” Him. Does that sound silly? Anyway-do you have any advice for me for ways to be closer to God? What do nuns study other than the Bible and the Catechism? Thank you.
April 27th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Hi Nancy … good questions that I think others would find helpful too. I’ll write a post soon in response.
UPDATE: Sister Julie’s post on How Can I Dedicate My Whole Self to God?