Recently a reader asked if I knew any women (like herself) who were older and always wanted to become a sister but never did. I don’t know any such women but would like to help out this reader who would like to email/write to others who are in her position. I thought I’d put it out to the blogosphere to see if you could help out. If you are such a person and wouldn’t mind emailing/writing another woman about such things, please let me know. I would be most grateful. Comment here or send me an email at nuns2day(at)yahoo(dot)com.
A Blog About Being a Catholic Nun in Today’s World
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Sister Julie's Blog
"Do not think I am sitting here to pass the time away telling you that religious life is poetry. It is the roughest kind of prose."
- Justina Reilly, IHM (b. 1848)
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Vocation Links
"She wrote the way she lived: on the fly, without retrospect, always on the way, climbing higher."~ from a poem about Saint Teresa of Avila, Patroness of A Nun's Life
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
Hello Sister:
In response to the woman who wanted to become a religious but never did, I am one of them.
Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a nun but God had other plans for me because I married and had 2 wonderful children and have 2 blessed granddaughters. In the mean time I went into the medical profession (oncology) and helped many of my patients with their fight with cancer.
I had left that vocation to care for my parents by moving them in our home and kept them with us till their deaths.
Mom had Alzheimers and my Father had leukemia.
I truly had a blessed and gifted life from God but SOMETHING is still missing.
Our dear Lord is the center of my world and always will be, He brings me peace, joy and I feel His love for us.
He has blessed me abundantly. I remember, it is not my will but HIS will be done.
Remember me in your prayers.
Peace, Margaret Mary
I have met so many women in my life that have told me they felt a calling to religious life but never followed through on the call. All of them are married women just about finished raising their children. They are asking the question what if! I am not sure they will want to communicate with someone, they don’t know about the hidden seed, but I will ask them.
Thanks for the responses — Margaret Mary, would you mind being contacted by another reader about this? And Brigid, I would be most grateful if you would check in with them.
Hi Sr. Julie,
I am another one of those women. I felt as a child I had a vocation, but then went through a rebellious time in my late teens and twenties and even fell away from practicing my faith. Now, having gone down another path, when I returned to the Church I felt immediately this longing. I just have to keep surrendering to the Lord’s will in the matter. I wouldn’t mind communicating with someone else about it, if it would help them. (Hey maybe it would help me, too).
Thank you, Denise, and those who have emailed me privately. I will be in touch with the woman I mentioned above and leave it to her to respond however she wishes. Sister Julie
Ladies, you should have a look at the various third or secular orders–Dominican, Franciscan, Carmelite, etc. All are open to single, married, widowed and divorced, both men and women. Just Google “Third” or “Lay” or “Secular” with “Order” and Dominican, Carmelite, Franciscan etc. and you will get many hits including national sites. Or go to the on-line jounral Spirituality Today at http://www.spiritualitytoday.org/spir2day/index.html#1985
The summer 1985 issue has articles about a number of third orders and their spirituality. Also, the on-line Catholic Encyclopedia has a good, but dated, article on third orders.
I had the same vague aching void you are expressing until I found a third order. It is a true vocation which has fulfilled me in ways I could never have known.
Thanks, Anonymous, I appreciate your help!
Hello Sister:
Just an update to inform you that I have contacted the Secular Franciscan Order in my area just last month and hope to be join the order very soon. I always felt a Franciscan calling.
As for communicating with someone via e-mail I would welcome it most gracefully.
Peace Be With You,
Margaret Mary
Many thanks Margaret Mary and to all who have continued to respond to this request. May God bless you for your willingness to reach out to others. And Margaret Mary, please let me know how your journey goes with the Franciscans. What a wonderful, exciting time for you!
Peace be with you as well.
Sister Julie
Margaret Mary,
That’s wonderful. I went to meetings of four different communities in three separate orders, in two cases for several months, and spoke by telephone or e-mail with three others, before I knew to which I was called, or even if I was called. I ended up where I would have least expected when I began. It is a calling, and the ways God calls are not necessarily our ways. I later found that many other third order members went through a similar experiece. All the orders have a period a aspirancy, then a year or two of novitiate and a period of temporary promises, usually three years, before lifetime promises or vows. (The Secular Carmelites are the only ones who make vows, and many of them make only promises for life.)
My point is that if it should turn out that the Francicans are not what you thought don’t be afraid to wonder if God used an initial attraction to one order to make you explore several, and thus discern a vocation. The spirituality of, say, Franciscans and Carmelites, is very dfferent, and a true third order vocation is a call to a specific spirituality and charism.
And don’t let anyone tell you that it is not a vocation or let you feel like a “part time religious.” Lived to its fullest, a third-order vocation is a deeply religious call to live in the secular world in a very initmate relationship with God. If you doubt this read about St. Catherine of Siena, who was a third order, secular Dominican, living in her own home, not in a community. She ended up one of the three female Doctors of the Church. (No, I am not a Dominican.)
Just a short note to thank you both, and for your inspiration to continue my calling.
I will surely read St.Catherine of Siena.
Are you familar with “Manresa Retreat House” run by the Jesuits?
I will remember both of you during this very holy season of the church.
Peace be with you,
Margaret Mary
Margaret Mary,
You are very welcome. Catherine said “If you are what you should be you will set the world on fire.” It is one of my favorite sayings.
Just as the Jesuits have at least four colleges or universities named Loyola they have a number of retreat houses named Manresa. While I have made retreats in Jesuit houses, I have never been in one named Manresa.
Prayers.
Hi
I just want to say how wonderful it is to read these posts. I’m feeling a strong call to…something! I’ve been turning away as my family responsibilities led me to think I couldn’t possibly be hearing it right… This has given me a lot to think about. This has given me confidence to look and look deeper as I start to discern what God’s long term plan for my life might be.
Thanks all, for your honesty and openness. I will be forwarding all this to the woman who originally asked me about contacting women (like herself) who were older and always wanted to become a sister but never did. On behalf of her and myself, I am deeply grateful. Sister Julie
For Ellie and anyone else:
Below is a link to a book called Welcome to Carmel, which is a handbook for aspirants to the Secular Carmelite Order. It discuss all kinds of concerns such as family and work responsibilities. For Secular Carmelites, the rule requires things like morning and evening prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours every day, and a half hour of mental prayer each day. Daily Mass is recomended, but not required. So one must have the time.
http://giftstore.holyhill.com/holyhillshrine/product16.html
The web site for the book listed above is linked to the Carmelite Shine at Holy Hill, whose site is http://www.holyhillshrine.com/
Follow the links for “gift store” and then “books.”
Welcome to Carmel will answer many questions about this particular third order.
Lay Dominicans, Lay Carmelites, Secular Franciscans, etc. all have similar formation materials.
Let me also mention the blog http://ocd4ocds.blogspot.com/ which has lots of Carmelite formation material. The entry “The Secular Orders from Then to Now” traces the develoment of third orders in general and explains in part:
“The Secular Order of the Mendicant Orders is not just an associated laity. Through the connection to the friars of the different Orders, the Secular Order communicates the spirituality of the Orders to the world around it. It can honestly be said that if the Secular Order did not exist something would be lacking in the spirituality and presence of the Mendicant Orders.”
There is also an entry “Discernment of an OCDS Vocation” which may be of interest.
As I may have mentioned before, I am an oblate of St. Benedict (sort of like a third order Benedictine). You do sometimes hear, as Anon mentioned, that this is not a vocation, not a very important commitment. We are nothing more than pseudo nuns or monks, etc. I personally don’t feel that my Benedictine commitment is as radical as that of a sister, etc., but it is indeed a significant part of my life as a follower of Christ. In the past, sometimes when I heard folks downgrading third order members, I felt negative about my role and briefly questioned myself. I have a story, however, that cured me of that fleeting thought fairly quickly.
This past September, the Benedictines held a huge gathering of oblates from around the world. The event took place in Italy. There were masses, prayer services, talks, dinners, workshops, etc. Many were conducted by the oblates themselves. One of our oblates attended this meeting. As she walked into one of the lecture halls to hear a talk one day, she beheld a most surprising sight, Pope Benedict XVI - in the flesh at the podium! To make a long story short, Pope Benedict himself is an OBLATE!
My point is not that oblates/third order members are of the same caliber as the Pope in terms of religious commitment, theological knowledge, international influence, power, etc. (We are all children of God and in that way all humans are the same.) My point is just that the promises we make and follow, as oblates/third order members, represent a valued, legitimate and recognized form of Christian life.
donna
Dear Sisters in Christ: What we all share in common is our deep love for our beloved Savior.
I enjoyed reading your comment Ellie and I hope you continue your journey whatever that may be to always have Christ in your life.
Dear Anonymous: I find your letters VERY informative. Thank you very much for sharing.
The Jesuits retreat house I speak of is located in Birmingham MI. I attend a three day silent retreat there and cannot even begin to express the peace and joy I feel.
I am always saddened to leave when the retreat is over.
I recommend this retreat for any women .
I will remember all of you in my prayers.
Peace be with you,
Margaret Mary
We have a dear friend, Sister Rita Schilling of the sisters of the Precious Blood who late in her career has gone into a very successful ministry of helping women all over the country in every age group go through a discerning process to see if they might be called to the sisterhood.
Your writer should contact her for a wonderfull structured and caring way to determine the path for herself.
Sister Rita can be emailed at schillingr@adorers.org.
William:
There is a Sr. Rita Schilling at the monastery where I’m an oblate. I’m sure it’s a different one. But I didn’t think the name was that common. You never know …
d.
Donna wrote: “I personally don’t feel that my Benedictine commitment is as radical as that of a sister, etc., but it is indeed a significant part of my life as a follower of Christ.” I just want to emphasize that we are taught that a vocation to the Secular Carmelite Order is a vocation to the secular life lived in the context of Carmelite spirituality. It is not a vocation to leave the secular world sometimes to sample monastic or enclosed life away from the world part of the time. Some secular priests and deacons are also called to the Secular Order (and I know this is true of Dominicans as well). We are not called to religious life (in the canonical sense of religious as opposed to secular) and we are not quasi-religious part of the time. We are seculars all of the time, and we are Carmelites all of the time.
I am guessing that the other third/secular orders would say the same thing. Thus, our secular vocation may be lived as “radically” as one is capable of living it. I do not know enough about oblates to know if they conceptualize their spirituality in the same way. It is my understanding that a non-Catholic may be an oblate. However to join a third order one must be a practicing Catholic. If divorced he cannot be remarried outside the Church because he is juridically (in canon law) a part of the Order. We are taught that as members of the Secular Order we are as fully Carmelite as friars of the First Order or nuns of the Second Order, but that our call is to the world, not the monastery. The major emphasis of Carmelite spirituality which distinguishes it from other charisms in the Church is seeking God in meditation or contemplative prayer, and the daily practice of mental prayer is one of the things which we promise to do, along with saying parts of the Liturgy of the Hours every day and wearing a Carmelite scapular under our clothes. Many secular Carmelites have achieved deep levels of contemplative prayer. I wear a scapular medal, and I choose to wear the medal rather than a cloth scapular chiefly because during the day I often feel the slight weight of the chain against my neck. It constantly reminds of why I wear it and the spirituality I endeavor to live, every day, all day.
I certainly do not want to get into a debate here with Donna over the merits of third orders as opposed to oblates. It would be silly, since God calls different people to different paths, and I don’t know much about oblates anyway. I just want to make it clear that I consider a call to a third order to be a true call to live a very deep practice of Christianity, and a very precious gift from the Spirit.
I have been discerning the path that God wants me to take for some time and have had the help of Sr. Julie. This sharing of information is most educational to me at a time when I am not sure what is available. I am going to put the information that all of you have shared to use and will continue praying for the Holy Spirit to lead me to where He wants me to be. God bless you all. Anne
Nemy Basilio - please pray for financial blessings (P12,000)payment for my board exam, and pray for wisdom for local board exam for nurse on June 11-12, 2007
Please pray for wisdom & knowledge to pass board exam for nurse on June 10-11, 2007 and prayto increase my faith in God.
My prayers are with you, Nemy.
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