People often wonder whether or not nuns are allowed to see or spend time with their families. Here are a couple questions I received recently on my AskSister page.
Hi Sister Julie,
I love your website. I was wondering, do you ever get to see or spend time with your family (parents, siblings)? I think this would be the hardest part about becoming a sister/nun. Do different groups have different rules about when/if you are allowed to see your family?
Thank you,
Melissa
I do get to spend time with my family (parents, two siblings+families). We don’t live in the same area so we are mostly in touch by email or phone or letters (my Mom is awesome at sending little notes of cheer, article clippings, and other cool stuff). Because of the distance I don’t get to see my family too often — like other people, nuns have only a certain amount of vacation time from our employers and we have to budget like everyone else to fly or drive home. My religious community does not impose any rules about seeing one’s family. But sometimes it is a bit of a juggling act because I am committed to my ministry, my “religious” family, and my natural family. Each commitment is something to which I give my time, love, and energy. I think it is true for all people that whatever we give our life to means that we sacrifice time and energy elsewhere, even if it is with those we love.
Yes, different religious communities do have different rules about seeing one’s family. I don’t know of any community that forbids seeing one’s family. Sometimes it’s just logistical — we don’t have the money for flights every holiday, family is too far away, we have community responsibilities or ministry responsibiliities. For some communities whose sisters live a more cloistered life there may be more of a desire to see visitors less frequently because of their particular calling.
In my religious community, I experience my IHM sisters as family. Just like my sister has her family and my brother has his. My IHMs are my family. I chose this lifestyle and this particular community because with them I am my best self and I love them dearly. I am able to grow in my relationship with God and be a person of mission and service. As a person grows into her or his vocation, I believe they are given the grace to be, well, graceful in their relationships and negotiating the struggles of various commitments to family, community, ministry, etc. Doesn’t mean it is easy, but it is with love and with purpose.
P.S. on the topic of being able to love others in religious life (including family) see my post “Do Nuns Know How to Love?“
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I try to spend the holidays with my brother and his family who live in Florida. When my mother was advancing in age, I transfered to Florida in order to be closer to her. I even ended up living with her for the last three years of her life. Mom was legally blind and we didn’t want her to be alone. My IHM community of sisters allowed me to stay with her until she died. I feel very lucky to be in this community. They are very supportive of the sister and her family.
That is so cool, Brigid. Thanks for writing in.
I have been blessed with a very understanding congregation. While between ministries, my mother suffered a slight stroke and my oldest sister was diagnosed with another brain tumor. Now, these two lived together and took care of one another. I asked to go home and care for both of them. That was in 1996, and I am still here. I have a local convent as a contact home 10 miles away, and I participate with them as often as I am able. My heart is with my congregation, and I carry my community in my heart. I have two more blood sisters who live locally who give me time off as I need, like for the annual retreat and community meetings.
Mom was adversely affected by the recent Southern California fire storms–COPD, pneumonia, and a small heart attack had her on a respirator in ICU for 4 days, then 4 more days in the hospital to wean her off. Please pray for strength for her, and also that I will find forgiveness for the arsonists and those who caused the fires accidentally. The whole situation stiull angers me!
Thanks so much for writing, Sister Julie CSSF … I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom. I will keep her and you in my prayers. Sister Julie IHM
God Bless All of You.
Frederick
Dear Sir Julie,
I dont know how to get your email so that i can leave a message for you. I am turning 25 this year and I am thinking about the life that I want or should I say ” What God’s Plan for Me”. I am the only daughter of my parents, my mother devoted her life as a Catechist our Province. I am now leaving alone (away from my family) and working as well…but I always search for ???.
How will I know if God’s want me to become His servant?
Thank You!
Sincerely,
Luisa
Hi Luisa, You ask some very good questions. God’s desire for us is that we make choices that help us to grow into the person God created us to be. No matter what you do, where you live, or with whom, God calls you to be a servant, to do your best to help others and to live the Gospel. Remember that God is in all of your own hopes and dreams. Keep bring your hopes and dreams before God and ask the Spirit to be with you and guide you to see what God’s plan is for you. Know that God’s plan is often not instantaneous in our lives, but unfolds over time. So you might get a glimpse of it and learn more as you live into your choices in life.
Saint Ignatius of Loyola had some suggestions about how we can know what God is calling us to. He suggested praying an “examen” each day. here’s some more info on praying to know God’s will:
http://findinggod.org/m_frmwork.asp?id=99764
Blessings to you, Luisa.
Sister Julie
Hello
I have just one question? Can nun wear regular clothes? Like pants, t-shirts, sneakers?
Thank you
For the most part, the answer is yes. However it also depends on the community as each community has specific customs about dress. For some, it may be acceptable casual wear; others may allow it only for recreation, etc. Thanks for asking!
Its a very nice place where i could know alot about how things work towards GOD CALL. I really dont know so far what made me go thru all this stuff , i dnt know what is the question i m traying to look answer for but i have a feeling since many years noe that someday i want to leave everything everyone behind to be devoted towards GOD .
Thanks for this blog its a very nice place to visit and read everything thats in it .
Thanks, Rose. You are most welcome here. Blessings.
Sister i am a 28 year girl and feel i have lived life to fullest and always have had the feeling that someday
i will leave everything and become a nun.
but as of today i am in love with a person with my heart n soul that person has alot of respect for my feelings
but has his own resposibalites that dont let him accept me ,
and for his family and many things in life he keeps away from getting commited to me … i understand and accept
his situations so i keep my feelings to me and i know he is always with me.
I have lost my father recently and his last wish was to see me married and settled in life and this is the only
wish and prayer i see in my mothers life so i try to accept other praposals that come my way but i have a feeling
since childhood that i will give up the world in to be a nun .and may be becoz i love someone i feel guilty
when i try to think about anyone else.
From a few days again i am finding peace only in prayers and every now n then i think n dream of God…
I am an indian and wish to convert myself to be a nun….
Please bless me with your reply is this a Gods call???
Dear Rose, Thank you for writing. I am so sorry to hear about your dad’s death and the difficulties in your relationship with your friend. It can take time to grieve and to feel settled and like yourself again. During times like this, it is important that you don’t make any big decisions about your life — give yourself time to heal and rest first. Go easy on yourself. It’s okay to have many different, conflicting feelings right now. You don’t have to have it all sorted out. Keep returning to the things and the people who help bring you peace — spend some time with God — just being with God, and allowing God to take care of you. And know that your father is also looking out for you and wants the best for you.
I cannot say for sure what God is calling you to, but I can tell you that God is indeed calling you into a deeper relationship with him. Keep faithful to your prayer, Rose, and take good care of yourself.
Thank you siser for ur reply i ill so blessed reading it….
But sister as u said i should give time to come over the situations i have given myself alot of time its been more tahn a year now, i brought back all my strength worked hard and today i have name fame success career friends family and someone i love, i work for a nice company and i am an aerobics instarustor so i meeet many people and i am loved and admired by many who like my workouts , i am well recognised even in my work place ….now with evrything around i still feel God and wish to be myself…sister in todays world people dont understand the deepth and purity of heart love and feeling they just understan needs n situtions, people now dont belive in word like commitment….so i lose heart from everything around… i am happy tht i loved someone who feels cant be mine but has kest thr feeliing pure and respects it …getting him would be a miracle which i dont know can haapen or not…..and the reason y i wish to decie things now is today sister i have no debts no dependants no responsibalites and having all i want i wish to take a step to be myself ….. if i move away even for a while i shall may be have to marry someone for mothers happiness where in i will be gulity always that i ove some deep within …i dont wana live an life doing anything where i am untrue to myself…. and sister y do i feel God y do i think pray n feel happy whhen i write to u ….i am non chistian wish to convert and then take the path to be a nun if its a Gods call ….please suggest sister i am waitng for ur blessings …bless me with ur reply …please sister……
Hi Rose, for more info on the path to become a nun, check out the post How to Become a Catholic Nun. Blessings.
Thank u sister for ur blessings.
thank you sis for the info. i can let my son know that he can see me or i see him when i become a nun