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Can Nuns spend time with Family?
By Sister Julie | November 13, 2007
People often wonder whether or not nuns are allowed to see or spend time with their families. Here are a couple questions I received recently on my AskSister page.
Hi Sister Julie,
I love your website. I was wondering, do you ever get to see or spend time with your family (parents, siblings)? I think this would be the hardest part about becoming a sister/nun. Do different groups have different rules about when/if you are allowed to see your family?
Thank you,
Melissa
I do get to spend time with my family (parents, two siblings+families). We don’t live in the same area so we are mostly in touch by email or phone or letters (my Mom is awesome at sending little notes of cheer, article clippings, and other cool stuff). Because of the distance I don’t get to see my family too often — like other people, nuns have only a certain amount of vacation time from our employers and we have to budget like everyone else to fly or drive home. My religious community does not impose any rules about seeing one’s family. But sometimes it is a bit of a juggling act because I am committed to my ministry, my “religious” family, and my natural family. Each commitment is something to which I give my time, love, and energy. I think it is true for all people that whatever we give our life to means that we sacrifice time and energy elsewhere, even if it is with those we love.
Yes, different religious communities do have different rules about seeing one’s family. I don’t know of any community that forbids seeing one’s family. Sometimes it’s just logistical — we don’t have the money for flights every holiday, family is too far away, we have community responsibilities or ministry responsibiliities. For some communities whose sisters live a more cloistered life there may be more of a desire to see visitors less frequently because of their particular calling.
In my religious community, I experience my IHM sisters as family. Just like my sister has her family and my brother has his. My IHMs are my family. I chose this lifestyle and this particular community because with them I am my best self and I love them dearly. I am able to grow in my relationship with God and be a person of mission and service. As a person grows into her or his vocation, I believe they are given the grace to be, well, graceful in their relationships and negotiating the struggles of various commitments to family, community, ministry, etc. Doesn’t mean it is easy, but it is with love and with purpose.
P.S. on the topic of being able to love others in religious life (including family) see my post “Do Nuns Know How to Love?“
Topics: NUN 101 |
7. First Vows
November 15th, 2007 at 8:35 am
I try to spend the holidays with my brother and his family who live in Florida. When my mother was advancing in age, I transfered to Florida in order to be closer to her. I even ended up living with her for the last three years of her life. Mom was legally blind and we didn’t want her to be alone. My IHM community of sisters allowed me to stay with her until she died. I feel very lucky to be in this community. They are very supportive of the sister and her family.
November 15th, 2007 at 8:39 am
That is so cool, Brigid. Thanks for writing in.
November 15th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
I have been blessed with a very understanding congregation. While between ministries, my mother suffered a slight stroke and my oldest sister was diagnosed with another brain tumor. Now, these two lived together and took care of one another. I asked to go home and care for both of them. That was in 1996, and I am still here. I have a local convent as a contact home 10 miles away, and I participate with them as often as I am able. My heart is with my congregation, and I carry my community in my heart. I have two more blood sisters who live locally who give me time off as I need, like for the annual retreat and community meetings.
Mom was adversely affected by the recent Southern California fire storms–COPD, pneumonia, and a small heart attack had her on a respirator in ICU for 4 days, then 4 more days in the hospital to wean her off. Please pray for strength for her, and also that I will find forgiveness for the arsonists and those who caused the fires accidentally. The whole situation stiull angers me!
November 16th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Thanks so much for writing, Sister Julie CSSF … I’m so sorry to hear about your Mom. I will keep her and you in my prayers. Sister Julie IHM
November 23rd, 2007 at 9:06 pm
My daughter is a postulant . For this year (postulant and for the novitate (2) years there is limited contact….able to write letters but visits are on certain days and home visits are just a couple times a year. Our daughter had looked into many orders before selecting this order and this ones visitation policy was “middle of the road” with most being even more restrictive. As a parent, I find this restrictive visitation/contact contradictive to their message to us that we were not losing a daughter but gaining a family of “daughters”. I am very supportive of my daughter and would not ever dream of getting in her way as she discerns. I was the main person she would confide in about her call and supported her in her discernment for five years. Why the restrictiveness with visitations and even contact (no phone calls or email, only snail mail letters)? This limited contact with our daughter does not make us feel welcome with her “sisters.” Help me understand. I know they are a wonderful bunch of great women .
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:16 pm
God Bless All of You.
Frederick
February 22nd, 2008 at 11:11 pm
Dear Sir Julie,
I dont know how to get your email so that i can leave a message for you. I am turning 25 this year and I am thinking about the life that I want or should I say ” What God’s Plan for Me”. I am the only daughter of my parents, my mother devoted her life as a Catechist our Province. I am now leaving alone (away from my family) and working as well…but I always search for ???.
How will I know if God’s want me to become His servant?
Thank You!
Sincerely,
Luisa
February 28th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Hi Luisa, You ask some very good questions. God’s desire for us is that we make choices that help us to grow into the person God created us to be. No matter what you do, where you live, or with whom, God calls you to be a servant, to do your best to help others and to live the Gospel. Remember that God is in all of your own hopes and dreams. Keep bring your hopes and dreams before God and ask the Spirit to be with you and guide you to see what God’s plan is for you. Know that God’s plan is often not instantaneous in our lives, but unfolds over time. So you might get a glimpse of it and learn more as you live into your choices in life.
Saint Ignatius of Loyola had some suggestions about how we can know what God is calling us to. He suggested praying an “examen” each day. here’s some more info on praying to know God’s will:
http://findinggod.org/m_frmwork.asp?id=99764
Blessings to you, Luisa.
Sister Julie
April 28th, 2008 at 1:49 am
Hello
I have just one question? Can nun wear regular clothes? Like pants, t-shirts, sneakers?
Thank you
April 28th, 2008 at 11:57 am
For the most part, the answer is yes. However it also depends on the community as each community has specific customs about dress. For some, it may be acceptable casual wear; others may allow it only for recreation, etc. Thanks for asking!