Comments on: How do nuns deal with sexual urges?

By: silas

silas — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 12:11:07 +0000

thank you sister for such an open sharing. i feel that celibecy is gift from our celibate master jesus christ and to have sexual feelings is a gift too, therefore we should use this feeling to make its master be known by many and not misusing. we should love the souls of others more than their flesh

By: Ambrose

Ambrose — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 22:45:00 +0000

Nuns are human just like other people. They choose to be celibate not because they dislike men or sex, but to widen their love for many for the sake for God who is Love.

By: STherese

STherese — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 02:22:52 +0000

Dear Sr. Julie,
I just came across with your blog a few days ago and i find it very informative. It has answered a lot of my questions about how to deal with those feelings as i am a nun myself and I am experiencing midlife crisis… Thank you and God bless.

By: Anne

Anne — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 17:46:25 +0000

Thankyou so much for your wise comments. I’ve been looking for some help with this, and there’s very little around. I’m single and really struggling at present with sexual desire, which seems to be particularly overwhelming when I’m praying. I want to acknowledge this desire positively and integrate it as part of the whole of me and part of my spiritual journey, not repress or deny it. For me celibacy is appropriate while I’m single, so the immediate challenge is to find healthy ways of channelling the desire and the energy it produces, and the more long term one is to come to a deeper understanding of my sexuality and and the fullest possible expression of it in the context of a celibate lifestyle.

By: JOhn Joyce

JOhn Joyce — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:44:34 +0000

Please forgive indifferent typography

By: JOhn Joyce

JOhn Joyce — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:43:51 +0000

I hope I do not opffend by suggestinfg that tjhere are many men and women who are neither married, monastic nor priestly but live a fulfilled single life.

By: Sister Julie

Sister Julie — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 10:17:06 +0000

Becoming a nun is not every woman’s calling. So rest assured, the world is not going to end because of too many nuns and not enough procreation.

By: sena

sena — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:41:50 +0000

I wonder if all the women of this world become nuns and no sex,,,,, this world will finish then, no population?can u answer me plz

By: Sister Julie

Sister Julie — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:40:07 +0000

[...] Here’s a little follow up to my post on nuns and sexual urges [...]

By: Br. Dominic-Michael OHS

Br. Dominic-Michael OHS — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 12:17:43 +0000

http://www.ocso.org/HTM/assisi-eng.htm#Conference_to_the_General_Chapters,_October_2005_

I have found the above to be helpful regarding a “theology of desire” and directing our lives with awareness.

By: deerose

deerose — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 02:52:55 +0000

Thanks, Macrina. I just finished reading the article. It all makes a lot of sense to me.

dee

By: Macrina

Macrina — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:16:24 +0000

DeeRose, and anyone else interested,
You may find this article by Sarah Coakley interesting. It’s not the one I was originally thinking of which I can’t find at the moment, but she echoes your point about how celibate and married people deal with desire not being all that different:
http://www.hds.harvard.edu/news/bulletin_mag/articles/33-2_coakley.html

By: deerose

deerose — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:22:52 +0000

Not being a sister myself, I can’t say how sisters deal with sexual urges. But in some ways, I can’t imagine it’s that much different than married women most of the time. After all, good sex is not a free for all. We can’t act on urges at any time or any place. Sexual urges do not always or even usually occur at opportune times. A married woman having one at work, for example, can’t just take off, fly to meet her husband who is at a meeting in another state and have sex right then on the spot. She also can’t go into a colleagues office and have sex with him right there – if she is a practicing Christian, ethical person, whatever. How many times have my husband and I planned for a night together, daughter away at a friend’s house, only to find out we were both too exhausted to do anything but veg out, stare at the TV screen for a half and hour and then fall asleep. What about the woman whose husband is away in the armed forces? My point, we all have to keep our sexual urges at bay much of the time. And we can’t always force them to arise when the time is “planned.” Having said that, the difference is clear that married people do have sex and sisters remain celibate. I certainly would not want to minimize that sacrifice. It’s just not as black and white as it may sometimes appear.

I found Macrina’s comments very thought provoking. I sometimes find that prayer can evoke sexual feelings of desire in me. It’s because I’m communicating intimately with my beloved. Receiving the Eucharist can be an erotic experience too. It’s comm – “union” with God. Sexual intercourse is also a form of “union” but with a human being.

It would be interesting to read something, when and if developped, about a contemporary theology of desire. Until then, I don’t know if any of you have ever read the book “Holy Longing” by Fr. R. Rohlheiser. But he writes a chapter on the “Spirituality of Sexuality”. It’s wonderful. One of his key thoughts is that everyone here on earth is somewhat “sexually frustrated” because we will never be fulfilled until we leave this planet and enter into the next life with God in heaven – an eternal love fest where loves abounds without boundaries.

dee

By: Macrina

Macrina — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:37:06 +0000

I think that you’ve answered this well, and what you say is certainly true. However, there’s also another aspect, namely that sexual desire and our desire for God can be deeply intertwined, something that Fathers such as Origen were clearly aware of. The British theologian Sarah Coakley has touched on this in some of her work – although I don’t have it with me now. She argues – and I think that this is true – that the more we enter into the life of prayer the more we become aware of sexuality, and the challenge is thus to develop a contemporary theology of desire.

By: Sister Julie

Sister Julie — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 01:01:45 +0000

Thanks for bringing up prayer, An Aspiring Consecrated Virgin. Prayer is indeed a significant expression of love and a great help in facing any temptation.

By: an aspiring consecrated virgin

an aspiring consecrated virgin — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 00:42:29 +0000

Dear Sr. Julie,

With all due sensitivity and respect, I am surprised that you did not mention the significance of prayer. I find that prayer is both my most profound expression of love, as well as the single most important thing I can do to maintain my commitment to a life of virginity.

By: Jen

Jen — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 04:32:22 +0000

If we lose the capacity to fall in love, she said, then we lose the ability to truly open our hearts to God, to the people with whom we live and minister, with God’s beautiful creation.

You know, I’ve heard other religious say this in exactly the same words. I didn’t really believe them until I met the Hoopy Frood (the guy I’m engaged to.) It’s weird, but since being *really* in love with him (beyond the sentimental stage), it’s so much easier to love other people.

By: Another Sister Julie, CSSF

Another Sister Julie, CSSF — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:50:11 +0000

I am convinced that God has a wicked sense of humor. Before final vows, I fell head over heels for a young man with whom I worked six days a week. But like Sr. Julie stated, we need to know that we can love one person. It was a choice for me, then, of if I wanted to share my love with one person or with the whole world. God gave me that opportunity to see both sides when I developed that crush on my co-worker. Here’s the wicked sense of humor part. My friend was gay, and nothing I could do could change that. I have come to believe that God was so jealous of my vocation that He was very selective of whom he sent my way!

As for the day-to-day battle with desires, I think of a section in one of my favorite books, “In This House of Brede.” I am paraphrasing the main character, but she said something like, “I have to decide daily if I want to give to God just the fruit and leaves that fall off my tree, or if I want to offer the whole orchard– fruit, leaf and stem.”

One last thing, one of our past provincial ministers once told us that we need to find appropriate ways to satisfy our libidos. With me it is singing, either with a great choir or in a shower with great accoustics! Singing a difficult piece well and with all my heart is such a rush for me. God is so good!

By: Jen

Jen — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:12:10 +0000

As someone who is currently discerning religious life, I found this a refreshing answer to an excellent quesiton.

By: DJC

DJC — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:14:15 +0000

What a wonderful and straightforward answer you have given Kellie. Just refreshing to have someone explain about love and commitment. I am married 45 years and what you said is also true for married couples.