Comments on: Do nuns ever feel lonely?

By: Sister Julie

Sister Julie — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 12:25:53 +0000

Dear Nun to be,
You write well about that feeling of loneliness and how ultimately only God can quench that thirst. It is true of nuns in community, married folks, people in satisfying careers or ministries, etc. There is always a place just for God. Hang in there, Nun to be, and be faithful to prayer. Talk to God about how you feel. It may also help to talk with your formation director, just to let her know what you are going through. I know it is not easy or comfortable, but where you are is good because you are growing in your relationship with God and with your community. Loneliness is definitely something we must wrestle with … wrestling with it is itself a kind of prayer.

Blessings to you, Nun to be. Know that you are in my prayers and that I’m here for you.

By: Nun to be

Nun to be — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 06:35:35 +0000

Yes, i do feel lonely, I cry and cry and cry because I chose to move from home where I was comfortable and had everything I wanted but I could not have everything that I needed. Even in religious life that need, that longing for God is intense and yes I feel that loneliness and I continue to long for God just as much as before I chose to join Religious life which by the way was two months ago. I can say that here I always have someone to talk to, nuns that have my back, loving individuals, and a spiritual community but none of them and nothing in the world could satisfy my longing for God. Yes, I feel lonely sometimes but only when I choose not to share with them and with God.

By: Sandy, csj

Sandy, csj — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 23:45:32 +0000

I’ve never seen anything in writing either, but at times, there does seem to be an unwritten rule to not talk about such things. In my opinion, if we had healthier views (i.e., less shame) about our own sexuality (and that goes for lay as well as clergy and religious), we’d all be a lot better off. I do agree with Julie that such things are often very personal matters, and the people with whom we share such things should be chosen very wisely.

By: Sister Julie

Sister Julie — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 12:22:13 +0000

Hi Dana, Thanks for writing. I don’t think there is any place where it says nuns can’t admit they have sexual feelings. True, some nuns may not ordinarily talk about sexual feelings, after all, it is a personal thing. And there may be some people — nuns and non-nuns alike — who don’t have all that high of a sex drive. That’s perfectly okay. You are totally right about sexual feelings being a part of human life. I wrote a bit about that in my post How do nuns deal with sexual urges. Hope it helps. And blessings to you as you continue discerning God’s call for you.
Sister Julie

By: Dana B

Dana B — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 15:48:21 +0000

I’ve been thinking of the idea of becoming a nun for about a year now and the thought still scares me a little bit. Why is it that nuns can’t admit they have sexual feelings too? It isn’t bad, it is just human. They are women, whole women, and that includes all desires and feelings. It doesn’t mean they have to act on them, it just means that they are normal. Surely becoming a nun doesn’t mean that you ignore that part of your human-ness! There are many ways of using that energy for other things, but I don’t think it should be something that is ignored or pushed away.
Dana

By: Rosemary

Rosemary — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 05:57:58 +0000

Dear Sister Julie,
Thanks so much for the post…. it has answered most of my fears/doubts. It also helps to read Nicole’s post to know that well…. I’m not the only one…
Nicole – for whatever its worth, I would like to be with you in your periods of loneliness.
On another note, Sr Julie, esp. regarding the case of being picked up from the airport, my case is a little different. As I had mentioned, I feel that I am called to a Secular Inst (not a regular congregation) – where community life is a bit limited. So I probably won’t have sisters all around me to ‘have my back’. Still, I suppose its all about creating a community around yourself – friends, other families, congregational sisters etc. And above all, I (must) believe that I belong to Him and He will provide for me when the need arises. He is my spouse and He will take care of me!
Thanks again Sr Julie.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 22:42:04 +0000

Oops, I mean “stop in” whenever you’d like.

By: Samantha

Samantha — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 22:41:38 +0000

Sister, if you wanted to, could you speak to your family every day on the phone, or are there restrictions on that? If your family lived in the same city would you be allowed to stop whenever you’d like, assuming you have free time to do so?

I’ve heard that during the novitiate, you’re not allowed to leave the motherhouse for the two years, and you’re not supposed to see your family. Was this the case for you, or does it depend on the order?

Sorry for the many questions! Great post!

By: Sister Julie

Sister Julie — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 10:30:47 +0000

Nicole … thanks for writing. Yes, being younger can be challenging because there’s no one or few sisters who are your age, your generation. That kind of companionship is important. My prayers and sisterly support are with you.

Sarah and Susan Rose … picking up and dropping off nuns is a real ministry! I’ve done it, and my nuns have been there for me. In fact one time I was waiting at DTW to be picked up and ran into a sister from another community who was in town visiting family. Her people never arrived so we packed her in the car and took her to her family! Now that’s sisterhood! Being a nun, a community woman, crosses all boundaries, congregations, and time zones!

By: Susan Rose, CSJP

Susan Rose, CSJP — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 23:43:13 +0000

I’m constantly picking up our Sisters at the airport!!

I must say that this was one of my wonderings as well, but my lived experience tells me that it’s just a different way of being. I rarely feel lonely so far in this life. There’s always someone there if I want – sometimes I need to carve some alone time because there’s always someone there, if you know what I mean.

I think that when you find your group of nuns – the right fit – that you are at home with them and they with you. As Julie said, they’re your family and they have your back.

One other great bonus if I feel so at home at every community house I’ve been to, so it’s like all of a sudden I’ve got homes all over the place!

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 23:11:36 +0000

Thanks Julie for a great post responding to an important question. As an almost-novice I’ve wondered the same things and think it comes down to trusting God, like most things do!
But I did just want to comment on the bit of the question you missed about having someone to pick you up from the airport. It made me giggle because in my experience there is always a bundle of Sisters who offer to do airport pick-ups and drop-offs, Sister I know and those I don’t… far more options than most people have. And when I arrive in a city I don’t know? someone to pick me up and welcome me. In fact, in some larger cities there is even a Sister who has “airport runs” as part of their role in the congregation.
It just made me smile that, while the physical stuff is definitely a thing to reflect on, there are some bits that are much easier as a Religious!

By: Nicole

Nicole — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 19:43:05 +0000

Loneliness is something I’ve struggled with during most of my religious life. I love my community and share your feeling that I would drop most anything if one of them was in need. I know they would also do the same. I believe it’s due to my age (mid 30s, vowed for 12 years) that the biggest struggle at the moment is not having that one special person with which to have an exclusive relationship. I yearn for that sort of intimacy. I do have one dear friend in my community and she does fill the need most of the time, but there are times when I want more. Thanks for your comments, Sister Julie. I enjoy checking your blog.