Thank you so much for sharing your insights with us. Sister, I have been admiring your blog for some time now. My aunt is an Immaculata IHM, and she also is a fan of yours. She is also the one who introduced me to the writings of you, Fr. Martin, and they have been a tremendous blessing.

Perhaps this comment will be too long to publish, but I wanted to share it with the two of you anyway, and if you find it in any way helpful or useful, you may feel free to share the story with whomever you like. For three years now I have been seriously discerning a vocation to the priesthood with the Augustinians. During my second year at Villanova I met a girl, and we became very close. I developed strong feelings for her, and she for me, but at the same time my desire for the priesthood did not fade. At the same time this happened, my spiritual director with the Augustinians passed away, and I went two months or so before being appointed a new one, who has turned out to be one of God’s greatest gifts to me.

After a few months of the girl and I growing closer, all the while maintaining my honesty with her that I was very unsure about which direction I was heading, I decided that I needed to seek some answers, and so I booked a weekend men’s retreat at St. Joseph’s in the Hills in Malvern, PA. The retreat director was a Jesuit, though I do forget his name. On the second day there he led us in an exercise of Ignatian contemplation. The Gospel passage used was that of the rich young man who came to Jesus asking what he needs to do to follow him.

Having already been very familiar with this form of contemplation, and having practiced mental prayer for some time, I suppose it was very easy for me to be led along this meditative journey. I placed myself in the place of the rich young man, and there I was face to face with our Lord. I remember still how vivid Jesus’ face was as I stood there before Him, His eyes blazing into mine. Knowing full well that this was the action of my imagination, yet also trusting that the Holy Spirit certainly can work there, I decided that with our Lord so present to me I would simply ask what I came there to ask. And so, with His eyes blazing, I looked at Jesus and said, “Lord, do You want me to be a priest?” And then I waited.

Now, knowing full well that this was my own imagination, I was not expecting anything miraculous, nor was I asking for any sort of supernatural experience. In the end, what I got was probably much more convincing and clear, anyway. Moments went by and in my imagination, though His face remained as vivid as ever, our Lord did not speak. Not a word came, and yet I was certain that I just needed to wait. What I was doing felt right, and so I waited, and still nothing. Finally, after I don’t know how long, probably only two minutes or so, I noticed something, and in that I received my answer. Having just asked our Lord if He wanted me to be a priest, the whole time I waited for an answer I realized that I was saying to myself, “Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.”

Father Martin, at the time I had just recently finished reading My Life with the Saints, and I’m also an avid Thomas Merton reader. And in your chapter on Merton, as well as in other writings of his, I realized that often times it is by our desires that God leads us most clearly. God loves us and truly wants us to be happy, and our own happiness comes from doing His will. And so I knew that if I set my heart, truly set my heart on doing God’s will, that it would be by my desires that He would lead me. And what clearer insight into my own deepest desire could I get than asking Jesus if He wanted me to be a priest, and begging Him to say yes?

So now here I am. I still have to finish my undergrad work at Villanova (double majoring in philosophy and theology, with a classics minor), but this November I finally begin the application process, and hopefully by May I will know whether or not I have been accepted by the Order. Perhaps you might keep me in your prayers? As I said, I understand if this comment is too long to publish, but first I wanted to thank you, Fr. Martin, and also make this story available to both of you in case ever an opportunity arises where it might bring someone some help.

Peace in Christ,
Michael Hallman