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4 Steps for Discernment and Decision-Making
In Decision-Making Using a Process of Discernment of Spirits, Sister Mary McDevitt, IHM, led us through understanding discernment, consolations, and desolations. When discerning and having to make a significant decision, it’s important to be aware your own inner spirit which is where God dwells within you. Today, Sister Mary takes us through concrete steps to help us figure out how God is calling us. She uses the discernment question example from the previous post, “Should I go to graduate school or not?”
Now, let’s get practical.
Are there steps I can take once I am more aware of my inner spirit?
1. Pray
- I pray and stay in the presence of God often.
- I ask God to give me freedom of spirit.
- I try to say to God, “Whatever choice is your will, it’s ok with me.”
- When I lift up each choice to God — e.g., about going to graduate school — I notice what my heart says. I check out my thoughts, too, and the long-range consequences of this action.
2. Write down two columns for each choice
- I line up the pros and cons of the situations. Two columns on why I would not go to graduate school — the good side (pro), and the not-so-good side (con).
- Then I do the same with the reverse: the pros and cons of going to grad school.
- I pray over the list and see which reasons are most moving, most serious and which affect my relationships with other people.
- One expert suggests: Be on your death-bed and ask which choice you would be glad you made.
- For Christians: Bring the decision and kneel under the Cross of Christ. How does it make sense there? Will this decision bring me closer to Jesus Christ in my living the Gospel?
3. Time for confirmation
- Once I have made a tentative decision, I talk it over with those who know me.
- I wait awhile and see if I feel peaceful in this decision as it becomes clearer.
4. Choose, act and be grateful
- One or many of these steps may guide me. I may wish to do these steps with a spiritual companion.
Sister Mary has given us a lot to think and pray on. In preparation for our live discussion with Sister Mary this Sunday, February 15, from 7-9 p.m. EST, please offer your comments and questions below.
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{ 9 comments }
oh, i like the death-bed questioning. i once told my sister, “when you are breathing your last, you will not be thinking, ‘wow, i kept a lovely home,’ but ‘my children are my legacy.’” it puts things in perspective.
What a wonderful blog discovery! Like Marla, remembering the “final question” is an excellent compass.
Thank you Sister Julie. I will pray for vocations during my daily prayer this week.
peace
Hello Sister,
This blog about discernment and decision making will help me and my husband in so many things…. I will copy this and make my “pros and cons”, and be able to discern things if it is God’s will or not because His will is always the one that has weight over our desires…. I remember Jesus said that we offend God when we impose our own desires over His… God bless us all in peace and Love….
hi there,
for years i have had one of the little voices in my head popping up and saying to me, you should become a sister… i always assumed that it was one of those voices speaking out of a fear that no-one appart from god would ever love me and that i was destined to live my life as a lonely, grumpy old woman. recently i have, quite by accident, met a sister at a meeting for layity who encouraged me to start a youth group. in the process of starting the group i have gotten to know her quite well and have gotten through no small amount of mental hurdles with her help.
now i am menatly at a place where im thinking that maybe what i was thinking was another of the voices in my head was God calling me to religious life but at the same time there is still those issues in my head that make me doubt the validity of the idea, i know i still have a long way to go but your blog has given me more of an idea of descernment, people and religious life.
sometimes i think that i am too broken and twisted to have a real call to religious life, but then when i work with my young people i see them coming to love God more, love life more and love themselves more because i have had those troubles in my life. God loves me so much that he has given me the strength to get through many difficult situations and i want to give my life to him, but it is hard to turn down the inner self enough to hear him saying what it is that he wants of me. i know that what ever he wants me to do is the right thing for my life but im still left thinking, is it possible that it realy is God calling me and im being too stuborn about it, or is it my mind trying to protect me again?
Hi Cookie, It’s nice to meet you. You well describe the fears that many of us have had or do have about trying to figure out if God is really calling us. I personally could not believe that God was addressing me personally let alone guiding me to consider religious life. But it was a persistent “voice” and so what I did was talk about it with a trusted, wise person (I had a spiritual director), and I began to explore it (reading about religious life, reading about nuns, running into nuns). I also prayed about it but that was sometimes difficult because I was conflicted about whether I could even talk to or listen to God properly! So I encourage you to do some exploring and keep in touch with the sister you met. If you feel the need for more, then maybe start looking into the process of becoming a sister. Check out a few different communities just to get a feel for things. By doing so, you are not signing on the dotted line or committing yourself in any way. This is one of those kinds of decisions in life where you might not really know until you actually open yourself to trying it out. No matter what happens this very process is good for you and will help you have a better sense of God in your life and how you are called.
Blessings, Cookie.
SJ
Having given up the idea if entering religious life after a series of upsetting experiences with two different communities pressuring me in different directions, I am now at age 50 contemplating being an Associate. This was a very helpful with that discernment. Thank you!
Thanks for writing, Mary. Sorry you had upsetting experiences. I hope that your discernment continues and that you continue to deepen your experience of God and God’s call to you.
Sister –
Who could be a spiritual director? Where to ask for one? At one’s parish?
God bless you…
Penelope HN
Thank you for your question, Penelope. Sister Maxine and I will talk about this on our Ask Sister podcast tonight. Hope you can join us.