I understand discernment is a slow and long process but how do I know if I am patiently waiting or that am in fact procastinating?

This experience let me recognize how it feels to be unsure and unclear and how this calls for faith. And, it is really God’s blessings to have you to give me some clues to ponder instead of only struggling with my fluctuating emotions.

Thank for sharing your story too.

Your heart is still very tender from this change. That is to be expected. Your spiritual director cared about you and you cared about her. It was an important relationship. When we go through changes in life, sometimes it is necessary to grieve. There is an author who is no longer with us, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. She developed 5 stages of grief:
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, acceptance. These stages can be experienced in a different orders or you can back track. But you do get through them and life begins anew. Everyone is unique in how they grieve a loss.

Relationships are gift from our God and each should be treasured and never forgotten. We never know when one will start or when one will end. Our loving God certainly put your spiritual director in your path when you needed. But now, what does this change mean? What are the gifts you carry with you from this relationship? What new life has been shaped? What are some of the gifts you will now be able to share with others? What new strengths will you carry with you now?

Story:
I had a spiritual director for 12 long years. She stood with me through thick and thin. She was with me through my initial formation years, temporary vows and right into final vows. Suddenly my father became very ill and his death was a high probability. So it was I, who had to move away and attend to my father’s needs. It was very hard. I was jumping in to a life situation that I knew would hurt. Stepping away from what was familiar was going to hurt as well…. and my spiritual director would not be there this time. When I gave her the news, we both looked at each other in silence. Nothing was said for quite a few moments. But with confidence she said “I’m not sure I like this….But I think you will do fine. Your family needs you now…. you have what it takes”.

Today we still e-mail each other from time to time. Recently I had to go back to our Provincial house for some meetings. We did get a chance to meet and catch up on each others lives. It was good. There will never be another spiritual director like her, but there will be others. So I wait and search for God’s will…. I hope you will have the “strength” to do the same. Hugs and blessings,
Sr. Liza

Thank you very much for your quick response.

You are right I understand now that I need to respect my spiritual director’s needs at this stage of her life. This matter has put me in, as you said ‘puzzled and uncomfortable’ situation for quite some time. Thanks for your insight which relieves me a lot.

Maybe God wants me to walk independently for awhile now and rely more on the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Thanks for setting up this forum and it’s also God’s grace that I come across this just in time ! Glory to God!