It has been hard and sad, but we are very happy for her and our earnest prayer is for her to be the nun God wants her to be. Our family joke is that we have the greatest son-in-law!

And she said the cutest thing when we were visiting a church and they rang bells at consecration. She said, “Why did God make that ringing sound?”

I would LOVE for my kids to go. It was very refreshing to read all of these wonderful things people have said about discernment.

I too had a calling to the priesthood, however the gatekeepers that I ran up against turned a deaf ear to me and I never even got a returned phone call from several dioceses.

But. Maybe God will get 2-3 more nuns and priests from my home.

Pray that every one of my kids goes!

I am young and considering being a nun..but i never thought about how my mother would feel. I would imagine she should be crushed.
Ive already brought up how i wanted to be a nun before and she said i sounded brainwashed!

But i just love my god..

But i’ll pray that you find happiness again! And I’ll pray for your daughters..

God Bless

My heart aches for you. I am lifting you in prayer.

Peace,
Kathleen

Sometimes I feel that it is a choice to respond to the calling, but when limitations and the expectations of our loved ones weigh us down, it is just difficult to go.

Although I understand her attachment to me as her child, I must admit that I was quite disappointed to hear such response from her as I thought leading a religious life is a wonderful thing, and it makes life much more meaningful.

Where people get married, divorced, kill each other, make a mess out of lives, contribute to negativity and misery, the religious people watches, pains and prays hard hoping that everything will turn out better. They are the ones that contribute positively and neutralizes the effect of negativity.

I believe that is when one starts to understand what living is really all about, and the true purpose in life lies in serving God. That is where true happiness, peace and joy are.

I do not know if I will have the courage to follow this calling, but I trust that if the time comes, God will carve a path for me.

I thought I would share a few thoughts after reading through the comments and what a wonderful topic!

Coming from a large Catholic family, but one where none of us were raised Catholic because our mother left the Church during out childhood, the prospect of religious life was rather odd. We were only 3rd generation Catholics and all of us kids (6 of us) have as adults returned to the Church completely, as has our mother (who recently earned her Masters in Theology and is about to take vows as a Discalced Carmelite Secular!). My older sister answered a call to vocation in her early 30s and the news struck our family in a wonderful way. While many of us were saddened and fearful for she was, as all our siblings have been, our best friend and would be leaving us, in the end her witness and the way she has lived as a Franciscan now for the last 6 years as brought all of us closer to God and the our faith.

So much so that I too, now in my mid-30s, am answering a call to vocation to become a Benedictine monk. Needless to say my Sister-Sister (her nickname as a kid was “sister” so maybe it was Providence, but the nickname has stuck) has been a great spiritual guide for me in my own discernment.

But there is one thing I have learned a great deal about one’s vocation in relation to family and friends. I find that while I have been contentedly joyful in my decision, feeling like a child early on Christmas morning waiting in anticipation for my entrance as a postulant, my vocation is less about me and more about being a witness to my friends and family and others around me in whatever small way … for the salvation of others’ souls. A religious does not enter Heaven or Hell alone … they bring others with them. Perhaps I am wrong in my view on this? Sister? In any case, while I admit that my own family’s reaction has been positive, I believe fervent prayer, always prayer, for the sake of friends, family and the whole world is the crux of one’s vocation.

I hope my comments help in some small way. St. Alban pray for our vocations and the conversion of those close to us to see our witness with love and charity!

-Aaron

It’s good to be here again. It was just too bad there weren’t that much people during the evening prayer’s online last week, but that sometimes just happens. Did you manage to find your driver’s license? I truly hope you did.

May I please leave a comment to your personal story? I definitely think it’s great you share it with the world and I can totally relate to it. To me, it doesn’t matter if you’re a Catholic, a Hindu or a Buddhist. We’re all human beings and shouldn’t put ourselves in any boxes at all. Then again, even if we call ourselves a Catholic or a Buddhists, it’s still our responsibility and free choice if we want to be put in a box in the first place. I do not want that and I know for sure you never intended to do that to yourself either. What I’m trying to say is that I am a Buddhist sister (‘unordained’ though), but I never really felt any need to tell the world around me. It’s always been as if my life was supposed to be this way, and I am so happy because it has enriched me so much. It has opened my heart and soul, and I know I have access to treasures most people won’t even know about. I can connect through the divine source in me that has completely opened up itself to me and through that source, I can serve the world. I am extremely thankful for what God had (and has) in store for me.

May you be blessed, happy and fulfilled forever!

x
Monica

She’s been exposed to Sisters of all sorts since she was 5 days old. We live in mission territory so have always had Sisters around, even met Mother Teresa (I did, she wasn’t born yet). She’s been on retreats and now has 5-6 orders who would love to have her. But, you’re correct! She doesn’t understand that life doesn’t stop when you enter a convent. I think maybe she would like it to, maybe there is too much pressure from everyone and she’s feeling like if she goes ahead and enters that pressure will end. But you and I know that it becomes even more difficult esp. in an order where the internet and telephone aren’t allowed and visits with family are few and far between.

Her major is Philosophy and Theology and she’s working with a group of Bioethicists this year as an intern at a large, well known Catholic University. She has so much to offer and that much more to offer if she will just finish these two years. Even her spiritual director and a friend who is a Bishop said the same thing you did. The college degree is important and that is her call or vocation at this moment in time and to do the best she can as a student.

Several of her friends entered this year and I think she feels like she’ll be behind them, but she’ll be more mature and I think that’s more important, esp. for her. The order she’s looking at seems to me a little pushy about answering God’s call the minute you hear it, but maybe it’s just the Mom in me talking. They have a college she could finish at but if she finishes where she is, she could start on a masters, teaching is their apostolate. She’s always liked the idea of being a college professor but can’t get it through her head that she will teach where they ask her to teach and that with a degree and perhaps a masters she has a better chance to be a College professor.

Thank you for writing. There are so few people that really understand and she of course can’t understand it from my perspective. As a married woman of 30 years, I know about life commitments and I would imagine that entering an order and perhaps leaving before final vows would be as bad or worse emotionally than divorce.

Thank you again! I was so grateful I was able to google you somehow and find someone willing to talk reasonably about this.
Feel free to write to me personally if you have the time. I’m hesitant to put too much on here. She would be bothered that I was talking about her.

God bless! Pepper

Now, at the wise old age of 37 I have to say that I see things a bit differently. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to get a college degree if at all possible (I realize this is not always financially possible for people). No matter what you do in life, a degree is going to help you. Getting an education is a kind of vocation too, it’s a calling from God. Your daughter’s choice to get a degree is a commitment, one that is going to help her best serve God and others. A college degree is not in opposition to becoming a sister.

From what you’ve written, it’s not clear to me that your daughter really knows what religious life is all about. At its heart, religious life is about seeking God and helping others. It includes self but is also beyond self (like so many other life commitments!). Becoming a nun does not mean you check all responsibility at the door. Sisters and nuns are women who have to make choices, discern, collaborate, troubleshoot, figure out, accomplish, teach, minister, etc. Having an education is a necessity.

I commend you for your support of your daughter even though I imagine it is not always easy. Trust that God is actively working in your daughter’s life whether or not she is called to religious life. Encourage your daughter to really get to know religious life, to get to know real nuns or sisters and what our life is actually like. Maybe encourage her to do some reading or to go for a weekend or week on discernment retreat at a retreat center or monastery nearby that has sisters or nuns. Help her find ways to meet real sisters or nuns. If there aren’t any nearby, send her online to visit here or any of the many blogs by catholic nuns (see link at top of this website) so she can get to know us, ask questions, etc. Most communities I know would highly encourage a young woman to get her degree first. There are of course exceptions but for the most part, religious communities want women who have had educational and/or professional experience, who are mature enough to make a life commitment.

Blessings to you Pepper and to your family.

Now after her summer of fun is over and she’s back at school as a junior, she’s decided that she’s going to apply to enter next fall and not finish school. We feel she broke her promise and are refusing to help with school debts which means unless one of the groups that help religious pay off those debts help her, she’ll have to work before entering. The 2 weeks before she went back to school were a nightmare with harsh words and many tears.

Having raised her and been through the many cycles of her changing her mind, I feel like she is too immature to enter a convent. She admits that she’s hoping they will set her straight, basically plan her daily life for her and tell her what to do, when to do it, what to wear, etc.

Although it’s very hard to think of her entering a convent and not seeing her but a few times a year, we do support her entering, all we are asking is that she finish college so that if during the long process of becoming a sister she decides it’s not where God wants her, she’ll have a degree and not have to worry as much about what she should do next.

I feel like we have been very fair. What do you think, are we asking too much?

thank you,
victoria

I have had an idea in my head for the past few years that I’m destined to become a nun. Thru failed relationships and “life” I lead, it’s hard for me to see another vocation for myself. I’m 32 and feel like the sucessful career is not going to happen, and being a wife or mother doesn’t seem to be in the cards either. Although I think of myself as a very spiritual person, I can’t say that I am religious. What suggestions do you have for a person who feels a call to serve, but is not “religious”? Thank you for your help

Be blessed!

AnnMargaret

may Jesus bless you…

Discerning:
Quick question: do you think your mother will give you her blessing once you turn 25? What if she doesn’t? Would you keep on waiting? And what if that blessing never comes?

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make you feel sad or uncomfortable, and since you seem quite an intelligent person, I am assuming you’ve already thought of this. I hope, I really hope and pray that your mother will come to accept your vocation and will give you the blessing you want, and before the age of 25 at that.

My thoughts with you.

Good luck! My prayers are with you. dee

You sound very mature for your age. You also seem very intelligent and focused. Although my daughter is very intelligent and religious, she appears to be quite unsure of her future direction – at least as far as she has revealed to me. You may just be one of those less common cases who is indeed sure of her call early in life. It does happen. BTW, what order do you want to enter?

dee

You’re absolutely right on all counts – dropping the “Holy Hand Grenade” (yay, Monty Python!) of religious vocation is no easy thing for anyone involved. As Rose said, as social creatures, we all play roles to the people who are in our lives. When a role changes, it requires adjustment, like it or not. And because the religious life is not exactly a mainstream “life choice,” such a choice will inevitably raise eyebrows, for better or for worse.

As for your daughter and the religious life, the good thing is that nowadays, the vast majority of religious communities have an incremental “getting-to-know-Christ-in-your-life” system of receiving new vocations. People don’t just waltz into a community, drop their suitcases and that’s it – you’re glued to God from day one, forever-and-ever-amen. It doesn’t work that way anymore, thank goodness!

For example, the cloistered Carmel for which I still nurture a little flame in my heart has a “come-and-see” period of three months. The candidate “moves in,” as it were, to see what daily life is like. I think that these “trial periods” are an ideal first step, both for the order, the candidate and her social network. They enable everyone to reflect and take it one step at a time.

It used to be that when you went in as a postulant, you usually didn’t come out – that was it. You literally waltzed in, dropped your suitcase and became glued to God forever-and-ever-amen. Maybe as a society we have inherited that knowledge and we just automatically jump to similar conclusions for lack of information. But it just isn’t done that way anymore. At least, none of the many orders I have researched receive vocations that way anymore.

One step at a time, one day at a time. As a discerner, I should’ve clued into that three years ago, but better late than never.

I think it is great that you have felt the calling to religious life from such a young age. Exactly how old are you now? As I mentioned, my daughter alludes to it now and again but I don’t know if she really senses a concrete vocation yet. On one hand, I’m not sure she ever will. On the other hand, I think she might have sensed it for years but just hasn’t told me. She is extremely private and doesn’t like to discuss this topic very often so I’m not sure where she stands. She does know I’m there for her though.

I sense that you are upset that your mother will not give you her blessing on entering the religious life until you are 25. That must seem like an eternity to you right now. I can understand this because you seem to be so much on fire for the Lord. But honestly, I do see some wisdom to her ways – although I personally would probably make the “25″ more of a suggestion. If my daughter decides on the convent, I would encourage her to get her bachelor’s degree first, work for a few years and then enter. I would say the same thing if she desired to marry at 18. I don’t feel it hurts to get some experience living out on your own before you make a substantial lifetime commitment like that. Now it doesn’t mean you can’t go on retreats and live-ins, do volunteer work for the communities you are exploring, get to know the sisters, etc. One of my sister friends was a vocation director for many years. She felt that if there was an ideal age for a vocation (and we do know it does vary from person to person), it would be in the late twenties, early thirties. She felt maturing and getting a little regular life experience under your belt was a positive. So for what that’s worth …

Good luck on your discernment. Things will work out for you. Patience is a virtue I have never had in abundance but it does seem to make one’s life easier!

Nathalie:

You wrote many beautiful words about vocation. Have you ever considered submitting them for a Diocesan or community-oriented publication? I feel they would be helpful to many.

As much as a lay person can, I do feel I understand the value and meaning of the contemplative life. For those who are called to it, it is beautiful. And from what you have said, it sounds as if you may be called to it. That is wonderful! It is unfortunate that your mom is so completely negative towards it though. My main point was just that my daughter entering a cloister would be very difficult for me personally as the mother of an only child. I know that sounds selfish – and maybe it is. I’m just being honest.

I do feel all parents have ideas about what their children should do with their lives. Many want grandchildren, a well paying, satisfying career, a daughter or son that lives within driving distance, etc. I think every parent wants to see their children happy. But even if none of these things pan out, at the very least, I do believe that most parents want a good relationship with their children. If that relationship is cut off for whatever reason, it is a strain. Now does that mean that one should not enter a cloistered community if one is clearly called to it? I say emphatically NO. Ultimately, it’s your life. I believe you have to respond to God’s call in the affirmative. But here is the thing, as much as anyone discerning wants their parents to understand them, they too have to try to understand their parents perspective. It doesn’t mean they have to agree with it or take action on it, but they should try, at least, to understand it. Well, that’s my opinion.

Good luck!

dee

Thank you both for your kind words, though I see that my little spin has veered us off course from the original topic of this blog – d’oh! Allyson, you’re right about prayer; it extends into our lives far beyond the doors of our churches and homes. Jean, you’re right too: there is so much more to discernment than can be expressed. It IS a gift.

I think you nailed it better than I can say when you said, ” I believe the call inward is the same – God’s invitation. Where it differs is how it is expressed – meeting Jesus.” Thanks for that awesome advice.

Pax Tibi,
Allyson

Well, I’m not a parent and I certainly can’t claim to have an inkling of a clue what it would be like to imagine one’s only child joining a cloistered order. On the other hand, I am someone’s child (with a sibling, mind you), but the reaction seems to be consistent with what I’ve run into. And I totally understand. The call to the cloister, especially an austere cloister like Carmel, is one that can easily be viewed as baffling and, in my limited experience, often misunderstood.

Keeping in mind that I am yet in the early stages of my own discernment (started three years ago), I feel that God is inviting me to give serious thought to the cloister, and the Carmelites at that. When I started researching religious orders, I did my best to keep my mind totally open to a wide spectrum of apostolates. I visited three orders – one missionary, one active/contemplative, and one cloistered. From the beginning, the cloister called to me. It still does, and more and more strongly now that I’m actually REALLY discerning.

I think that maybe some people have a more difficult time with the cloistered/contemplative call because its apostolate is not “out there.” I’m sure some people view the cloister as completely useless precisely because its sisters aren’t seen actively teaching, preaching, nursing, etc. My mother is one of those people. She has no use for cloisters. But then again, she’s an atheist. Still, I’m sure she’s not the only person whose view of the cloister is puzzlement at best.

I can only speak from my own experience, but let me try to explain how I view vocation in general: vocation is a blossoming of the self as it fuses its life to God. It is a call inward that manifests itself outward as God’s plan coming to fruition for each and every soul. It is an invitation to meet Jesus and ask him, “How can I best serve you? What will you have me do that will make us BOTH happy?”

But – and I think this is the key – every soul is different. Some people’s call inward makes them see Jesus in the face of the homeless, the sick, the poor. Meeting Christ in the forgotten and the marginalized lights a little flame in the heart, and this flame speaks to the person and makes them yearn to help. Call that flame what you will – intuition, gut feeling, Holy Spirit – I think it’s that inner “click” that reveals to us where God is leading us and where we will find fulfillment.

As for the cloister, I think the inward call manifests itself as a living prayer. Instead of meeting Jesus in the face of humanity, we meet him in silence, solitude and prayer. The more I follow God’s inward call, the more I desire to soak in His presence, to give myself totally, absolutely and unconditionally, to offer my whole self as an example of what good He can do and how He can truly change the human heart. Prayer becomes not a way of life, but Life itself – and I’m not talking just about the Liturgical hours. Look at it this way: yes, Jesus taught and preached and performed miracles. But he also prayed. Both aspects of his ministry were essential.

St. Edith Stein, a cloistered Carmelite, nailed the contemplative vocation right on the button when she said, “It is [the Carmelite] vocation to stand before God for all.” One’s life becomes a life of intercession, of atonement, of attrition. And again, another quote from Stein: “The more an era is engulfed in the night of sin and estrangement from God, the more it needs souls united to God.”

So in a nutshell, here’s my spin: every vocation is a call inward for the soul to manifest itself outward in freely-offered surrender to the will of the Divine. I believe the call inward is the same – God’s invitation. Where it differs is how it is expressed – meeting Jesus.

And THAT, I think, is the Mystery of all Mysteries.

I am actually only a year older than your child (though its closer to two years). I feel almost certain of my vocation though it is so far away. The order I am looking at will only allow 19 to 35. My mother does not approve of my discernment and will not give her blessing until I am 25 (which is a long time). I feel I have to revolt, but I want my parents to be supportive. I wish I should have kept this to myself, but I am horrible at telling lies to cover up the real story. I wish I could take this discernment slower, but it just feels as if it is running its own course!

Teresa of Avila is my all time favorite saint. And truely, I do believe some women, although that particular vocation is rare, can live good, rich lives within the confines of the cloister. I also understand their mission to pray for the world. It’s important. It’s just a scary thought for a mother whose daughter is an only child! Honestly, I don’t even know if my daughter has a vocation to the religious life at all yet. It is just one of many possibilities. When and if she does, we’ll honor it.

dee

I still have not seen Doubt but your comments make think of the postings here that mentioned signs and symptoms of the differences in power alotted to priests and nuns

YES!!!!! That’s so true. What a sociologically interesting point.

And, let’s face it, I heard those partygirl nuns playing Wii in the background when Sister Julie’s nun was talking about books in her video last week…

Yea, that was hilarious. Sr. Julie really needs to tape one of these Wii sessions sometime. This reminds me of Sr. Karol Jackowski’s book, where she talks about how she ended up joining this particular community because she heard this rumour that they were building a bowling alley in the basement. Now THAT’s what I call discernment.

Annie – You are fun.

Hehe, thank you. You sound like a riot yourself.

Your post makes me think about lay Franciscans and, as you point out, people who say “if I were Catholic, I’d be a nun”. I was one of those, even though I grew up Catholic and soaked in Catholic social justice teachings (which certainly is the reason why I and most others in my family are either social workers by profession or through volunteer work).

I still am one of those, lol. It’s kind of a weird position to be in! So did you end up becoming a nun then, or are you still discerning?

Of course even within my discernment (and many other things in life) they themselves still have preferences different from mine (such as me being more strongly attracted to becoming a religious as opposed to an ordained cleric, or joining a community close to them) but I’m grateful for their support.

Still, I wonder if “coming out” as wanting to be a nun/monk/priest has some sexism underlying it. With males (I can only speak from what I’ve seen) it a lot of times seen as a source of pride for the parents (at least more so in earlier decades) and with females it’s many times seen as a way of “throwing” life away. I think it stems from the negative stereotype that priests are independent while young nuns are feeble and dependent and locked away from the world when in reality we know nuns are among the most independent and pioneering women out there in all their different personalities (ditto on the shout out to St. Teresa Jean!).

Anyway, I’d like to pray that many of my sister discerners receive affirmation and love in their exploration of the call, because it must be tough when you don’t have that.

As for the parents: one practical hint: Don’t tell your mother that you’re joining a convent whilst she’s applying mascara and make-up, not only is it potentially dangerous, you also end up with a 40 year mother Goth!Yes,you guessed it,that’s exactly what I did ( : When I did tell Mum,there was a long silence and then a car beeped to collect my mum who was meeting with my dad and their friends…so I was saved from that awkward moment.Later that evening Mum told Dad and much to my surprise it was my Dad (a non-sacramental practicing Catholic!) who convinced my Mum to let me go to the convent. The next day we had a heart-to-heart where my parents in their “parenty” way helped me to look at the whole picture- my education, career,was I too young? Maybe work for a while? Maybe go to a teaching order and not a semi-contemplative one.

However I think they knew that this was coming for a while,I’d always been involved in “holy stuff” ( as my younger sisters used to call it!).Being the eldest of five I didn’t know what to expect but my parent’s conclusion was that if this is what would make me happy then they would be happy too.We must allow ourselves to be in awe of the God of surprises. Sometimes we think that our parents will react one way when in fact it’s another.It’s still hard for parents though, what they really want for their children is that they’re happy. They’ll see your happiness when they come to visit you in the convent or you go to your home, and this will make them happy. Again this God of surprises can change people, my Dad received Holy Communion for the 1st time in 24 years on the day of my First Profession (the last time was at his own wedding!) and began to go to Eucharistic Adoration and Mass. The Lord really does reward a thousand-fold…we just have to trust in His ways which often are not our ways!

It took slightly longer for some of my friends to embrace the idea and some even thought I was ‘mad’ but as I thought to myself : ‘Blessed are the cracked for it is through them that the Lord’s light shines!’It was funny because for a while you could see people were minding their ‘p’s and q’s', people who used to swear randomly stopped.Some people do change their behaviour initially but it passes when they realise you’re still the same person who goes to the vending machine at lunchbreak for chocolate or loves chatting on the phone. In front of peers,few people had courage to ask the million dollar question: “How did you know God is calling you?”, but one by one classmates, friends, relatives approached me to ask.There is a such a thirst for truth, for Jesus who is Truth.

Conclusion: It is strange and even scary hearing yourself, your lips,your voice pronounce those words‘I want to join the convent and become a religious sister’, waiting for the various reactions from family and friends but God’s will never leads us where his grace won’t keep us….to those trying to pluck up the courage (especially to tell parents!)….my prayers and thoughts are with you ( :

Sr. Julie, some day I’d love to email you some of the most humourous but serious questions I used to get in Vocation Workshops….!

Jean

I don’t think there’s a juxtaposition of opinions here. That is, the way I see it, your vocation doesn’t come dropping down from the skies – it was something that has always been woven into your being (which includes your personality, of course).

I agree with you, though I think on some level there is a juxtaposition. If you literally believe that God calls you to be a nun, as opposed to just saying you’re drawn to becoming a nun, there is a difference. The former implies that it’s something outside of you, the latter that it is you. We don’t say God is calling us to eat a piece of chocolate – we say we want a piece of chocolate. I am often confused by the calling scenario because how would one deal with that if one became a nun and later felt the urge to leave? Would that mean you no longer have a calling, that God took it away, or that you failed? Those thoughts have different implications than just believing that you changed your mind.

Jean – what you talk about is very interesting. Maybe it’s just because I’m into psychology, but I still think there probably isn’t as much contradiction in you being drawn to nunhood as you think there might be considering your personality. Perhaps you like the certainty of extremes – hence you are drawn both to partying and to the life of a Sister. Of course I’m just speculating, I don’t know you. I still find it interesting though I’m not implying that nuns have similar personalities necessarily, but, outside of the religious aspect of it all, there has to be something else that draws people to the Sisterhood. If this were not so, there’d be a straight correlation between being religious and being a nun – the most religious would be the most likely to become nuns – and that isn’t really the case. Many Catholics are extremely religious and yet would never considering becoming nuns, while I know a number of agnostics who say that were they Catholic, they probably would’ve become nuns. So there’s something there that goes beyond religion, but it’s hard to poinpoint.

Thank you for reminding me that discerning ultimately involves people other than myself and God. I will definitely drop the bomb in small pieces this time around.

Either that or just GO and not tell anyone. LOL

Seriously though, I wouldn’t do that, despite the fact that part of me would LOVE to do it that way. Elope, as it were.

“Mom, Dad! Guess what – I’ve just eloped and married Jesus, and now we’re off to our honeymoon in Carmel. See ya in the next life!”

Talk about heads exploding.

In response to some of the personality discussions, I haven’t noticed that most nuns share a particular personality type. They run the gammut just like mothers, fathers, engineers, lawyers doctors, indian chiefs and the like. But I do feel that most have some sort of common interior “disposition” that makes them somehow spiritually oriented, desiring to connect with and serve God in a concrete and loving way. I don’t know whether this “disposition” is nature or nurture or both. But it is something outside of the norm.

I am the mother of a spiritual, religious 14-year-old daughter who has, at times, indicated to me that she may consider becoming a sister. If she discerns that call and that be her vocation, neither my husband nor I would have a problem with it as you could probably figure out from most of my posts. We’d just make sure she was positive she wanted to go in this direction and help her find a community that suited her and allowed her to grow psychologically, emotionally, academically (if desired) and, of course, spiritually.

Having said that, there are some life choices that I may find unsettling and my daughter may feel as if she has to “come out of the closet” in revealing them to me. I would try to understand them as much as I could and accept them unless they were destructive. If I had the choice, I would not want any such declaration thrown at me all at once. I’d need time to get used to it. So, for all you discerners, from the point of view of this mother, I’d think it be best to ease your parents into your discernment undertakings a little bit at a time. Perhaps show your parents how faithful you are by letting them know when you go to your room to pray. Read spiritual books in their presence. Attend Bible studies and talk about what you learned. Take them to some joyful religious-oriented events. Eventually introduce them to a few sister friends in a casual, nonthreatening manner. This could help.

Good luck! dee

Oh, and involve them or at least break the news as early in your discernment process as possible. I waited to tell them until a few days before I went to meet the community. It was tough on them because they had just found out and all of the sudden I was leaving (even if it was only for three days). Now, I’m starting paperwork and they’re struggling to keep up. Tell them early so that they have a chance to be ready for each next step as you are.

Good luck and know you’re in my prayers.

As for my opinion about our society being largely “spiritless,” I’m sorry it came off as sounding arrogant. That was not my intention. It was just my opinion, that’s all. It was not meant as an accusation or condemnation or anything of the sort.

Coming back to the topic of this blog, which is the “coming out of the closet,” as it were. In light of my bungled approach to discernment three years ago, where I loudly proclaimed to everyone way too early in the game that I had “found God” and was entering Carmel, THIS time, I’m keeping my mouth shut and actually THINKING about the staggering implications of a heart desiring to remain truly and sincerely open to God. I’m keeping a diary, and praying and pondering, and letting God work through me rather than forcing the issue.

That’s what I should’ve done three years ago. Better late than never, I guess.

I don’t think there’s a juxtaposition of opinions here. That is, the way I see it, your vocation doesn’t come dropping down from the skies – it was something that has always been woven into your being (which includes your personality, of course). I also think we should not pray for vocations so much as for people to follow the vocation that’s already there. Pet peeve

Discernment should be about getting to know your future community, but even more about getting to know yourself. (I am very grateful for the heap of questionnaires my future novice mistress has thrown on my head. Now that I’ve dug my way through them, that is!)

Oh, I don’t agree with this at all. Everybody wants meaning in their life – not everybody cares about religion, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about spirit; hence the term “spiritual but not religious.”

I actually find your comment a bit arrogant – being religious doesn’t make you more moral or more deep than anybody else. I may be the only secular person who comments on this blog, but really, the secular world isn’t out to get you guys.

I think the difficulty that people have with telling their parents about wanting to be a nun really has nothing to do with religion. Even quite religious parents (after all, most people who want to be nuns were raised Catholic – by their parents!) can react pretty negatively. I think it has more to do with the fact that our society pretty much expects that one will grow up, find a mate and get married – people who deviate from this, for whatever reason, will have a tougher time getting anybody to understand. It also has to do with the fact that parents do create plans in their mind for their kids based on their own fantasies; sure, rationally, they might know it’s your life, but most parents project their hopes onto their kids anyway.

I’m in an odd situation because as an adult and an agnostic, it might seem like I wouldn’t know anything about this, but, for most of my childhood, I did want to become a nun, and it did mean a great deal to me. And you would think that, from wanting to be a nun for years, to ending up agnostic, that I must have changed dramatically, but the thing is, I didn’t. Back then, my mother was annoyed, afraid and exasparated because I wanted to become a nun – it bothered her on so many levels. And now I’m not even Catholic and guess what – my mother is still often annoyed and exasparated and afraid of my decisions, because whoever I was then I still am now. I know that for religious people wanting to become a nun signals some kind of calling from God – but, on a more basic level, it signals something in your personality, and personalities don’t change. Which brings me back to Sr. Julie’s point that once her family realized she was the same person – nun or not – that it was easier for her family to deal. I think at some point, parents are going to disagree with your life choices – it’s a universal issue that all kids go through. Sometimes they come to understand, sometimes they do not – and understanding may be too much to ask. People are different and complicated and annoying – we don’t all understand each other. But, as an adult, you’re entitled to make your own life choices, regardless of whether those close to you understand them or not. And most parents do eventually understand that – even if they don’t understand the decision itself.

I think you also have to realize that no matter how painful, you can’t live your life based on what your parents want. Even if they say that you’ll hate being a nun, that you won’t make it, that you’re too much of a troublemaker…that isn’t the point. The point is, even if it is a mistake, even if you join and end up hating it – at least you would know what it was like to pursue it. Not knowing is worse.

*end rant*

For what seems like the umpteenth time you’ve posted a blog that is exactly what I’m thinking about. It’s slightly unnerving. Thanks for the great blogs.

This describes my parents exactly. I am a freshman in college and finally decided about a month before leaving that I should tell my family about my feelings of a call to religous life. It was awkward, but my family already had guessed. However, it is still very difficult to share about something so intimatly between me and God with my family, especially because I know they do not understand. I decided to start small, gradually making religious life and sisters more “real” and human to them. Unfortunatly, God does not seem to agree with me on the pace of things right now

In response to Deerose: I’m 39 years old. And I’m actually only now really starting to discern. What I did three years ago was completely miss the boat about union with God. Long, long, loooong story.

In response to Jean: “My Last 24″? Wow. Sounds… rather final. Like someone waiting to be taken to the guillotine. 0_O LOL
Thanks for letting me know, I’ll check it out.

GALAFILM Productions, a respected Canadian documentary film company, is currently looking for Canadians who are seriously discerning a religious vocation to be part of their new documentary series “My Last 24.” The concept of the show is to document ordinary people during the last 24 hours before an important event in their lives, such as entering religious life. The show will examine people’s motivations, hopes, struggles, and obstacles leading to the event. Those interested may email Julie Girard at . For more information, click here.

I know I will eventually have their support, but it is their understanding I crave and I am afraid that that will not happen.

This is what struck me, because I have the exact same thing. My mum (“there’s some higher power, I just don’t know what”) completely supports me, went with me to visit my future community, and in short has been wonderful. But she doesn’t understand. With my dad it’s better, but still. What doesn’t help either is that I am a private person and can’t share all my most intimate musings.

I am incredibly lucky in having a friend who is currently a transeunt deacon. He understands exactly what I’m going through, and just knowing he’s somewhere out there helps so much.

It was tough telling my parents because my mother was away for a year when I made my decision, and for a while it was uncertain if she would be able to come back before my entrance. She knew something was going on, but not that I was actually serious.

I think if people got a clearer understanding of what a vocation is, be it to marriage, religious life, or one of the versions of the single life, that discernment could be more of a natural stage in every Catholic’s life. That would make it a lot easier to talk about it without raising hopes or fears – more organic, maybe.

I found your post especially interesting because I have so many people in my own family who are anti-religion and they try to persuade my daughter that her faith is completely silly and irrelevant. She was out for dinner with my husband’s entire family last Saturday. When it came to dessert time, my daughter declined saying she gave up sweets for Lent. One brother, who ironically teaches in a Catholic university – math, responded that he’d try to give up teaching for Lent. The other, an obnoxious, avowed atheist, said he’d give up religion for Lent – as if he had one – although I do believe atheism is a belief … i.e., noone can prove God does NOT exist.

My question, are you still in “discernment” or have you actually entered a religious community? You sound young. Are you in your 20s?

Good luck!

dee

Dad was very quiet about all this. He didn’t say what he thought about this one way or the other, but I believe he was quietly supportive.

One of my four sisters thought I was crazy, and as I worked on all that paperwork, she would report to me the next day what I had written the night before because, no matter where I’d hide my forms, she’d find them!

I have to say that I had tough times in my journey into religious life, but it strengthened my resolve to follow my heart, to follow that call to serve God.

I’m guessing this is probably a fairly typical scenario. I haven’t personally heard of anyone, family member or friend, being actually genuinely happy for the person considering the religious life. Let’s face it – here in the Western World, organized religion, especially the Roman Catholic Church, is often viewed as out of touch and irrelevant. Our society has largely become “Spiritless.” No wonder those who want to live a life full of Spirit are seen as oddities.

To those who strive to follow their vocation, whatever that vocation might be: keep on fighting the good fight. God will provide. Nothing else matters.