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Losing Your Identity
Ever gone through one of those losing streaks where you lose your keys, your wallet, an important file, etc.? It’s not pretty. My recent losing streak was topped off by losing my drivers license. Not only did this mean I could not drive legally, but it meant that I had no ID card — no way of proving my identity. I’ve since found my license but it was a very odd — and unexpectedly spiritual experience — of losing my ID and then finding it.
The short version of the story is this. On Monday I had a bunch of errands to do and was in and out of the post office, bank, and miscellaneous stores. On Tuesday, I was filling out some paperwork that required my drivers license number. I looked all over for it, but couldn’t find it. Checked my wallet, bag, car, convent, and everywhere in between. Nothing. I called the places I had been — including the one store that I remembered last using my ID. Nothing. I explained the situation to my nun Maxine. We rechecked everything and replayed my trip the day before. It seemed likely it was at the store but they had checked and not found it. It was as if the thing had disappeared from the face of the earth. I headed for the Secretary of State’s office to get a replacement.
Now losing an ID card is a major bummer, but it’s not the end of the world. Still, I felt awful because I knew that losing that ID card meant I was distracted, not fully present in some way. You know how something as simple as a lost card can be the last straw, that one small, insignificant thing that become symbolic of something bigger. That’s kind of how this was. So going to the Secretary of State was like giving up on my intuition that it had to be at the store, and giving up on my intuition was like giving up on myself. But it kept bugging me. I couldn’t bear the thought of not trying one more time. So I drove the extra 10 miles to the store. Walked in, asked about my missing license, and lo and behold, there it was!
So here’s the thing. When I felt sure it was at the store and called and they said no, I couldn’t believe that my intuition was off. But it wasn’t. And even in the face of being told not once but twice that my ID card was not in the store, my intuition had me drive right back out there only to find it waiting for me at the customer service desk.
Normally I would not write about the little dramas of my life, but I am today because I think we all have these dramas that, no matter how insignificant, can weigh on us or tempt us to doubt ourselves. Maybe it’s a colleague or friend’s abrupt reaction, or a project that we just can’t get right, or a misplaced set of keys. I don’t have any amazing insight about these things except to say to hang in there, to trust yourself, and to be open to the sometimes surprising appearance of grace.
What “little drama” in your life opened you to a surprising appearance of grace?
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{ 5 comments }
Hi, I’m Jeannie an education student and recently I had to do a unit plan for a class I’m taking. We could plan for whatever subject we wanted except french because it’s a course on how to integrate french language instruction in subject areas in an immersion classroom. I decided to plan a grade five unit on science, even though my major area of study is music. I felt like I should step out of my comfort zone and take risks. First thing I headed to the library and lo and behold the teachers guide, which was supposed to be in french was in english. This meant hours of translating. Next it was off to the education ministers web site for the curriculum outcomes for sciences only to find that they were removed to make room for the new outcomes which will only be online in April. My unit plan is due next week!!! I finally said, enough with trying to be something I’m not and I planned my unit for grade six music. I had it done in no time and it was all smooth sailing. My professor loved the first draft and I am finishing up the final copy this weekend. Moral? Trust your instinct and do what you do best. That isn’t to say never take risks, just to trust your instincts.
That was a good plan. I think you did the best thing you could have done. Your first instincts are always the best….so why even question yourself. The second part of your question…..not to take risks …well first off….back many years ago, when in college we had to take a class on achievement modification which was designed to see how well we dealt with our thought process…and to explain to us as a in-coming class how to deal with our choices….the best solution for us to be high achievers was to do complete a task that we knew we would be able to perform. So you did what a high achiever would do, you took the class that you knew you would succeed and do the best job that you could. Gaile
As a chronic “loser,” I have become a devoted client of St. Anthony, the “Saint of Miracles.” If you think about it, most miracles are the recovery of what has been lost: health, love, faith, confidence, keys, license…
Amen to that Anne!!!!!!
“Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way.” Florence Scovel Shinn