Diversity of perspectives and opinions are always welcome here. We encourage dialogue even when it includes agreement or disagreement with us or with one another. When doing so, it is helpful to keep in mind the way in which we agree or disagree with one another.
Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love
Commitments in Times of Disagreement
from the Mennonite Church (Español y English)
“Making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:3), as both individual members and the body of Christ, we pledge that we shall:
In Thought
1. Accept conflict. Acknowledge together that conflict is a normal part of our life in the church. (Romans 14:1-8, 10-12, 17-19; Romans 15:1-7)
2. Affirm hope. Affirm that as God walks with us in conflict we can work through to growth. (Ephesians 4:15-16)
3. Commit to prayer. Admit our needs and commit ourselves to pray for a mutually satisfactory solution (no prayers for my success or for the other to change but to find a joint way). (James 5:16)
In Action
4. Go to the other… Go directly to those with whom we disagree; avoid behind-the- back criticism. (Matthew 5:23-24; Matthew 18:15-20)
5. In the spirit of humility… Go in gentleness, patience and humility. Place the problem between us at neither doorstep and own our part in the conflict instead of pointing out the others’. (Galatians 6:1-5)
6. Be quick to listen. Listen carefully, summarize and check out what is heard before responding. Seek as much to understand as to be understood. (James 1:19; Proverbs 18:13)
7. Be slow to judge. Suspend judgments, avoid labeling, end name calling, discard threats, and act in a non-defensive, nonreactive way. (Romans 2:1-4; Galatians 5:22-26)
8. Be willing to negotiate. Work through the disagreements constructively. (Acts 15; Philippians 2:1-11)
In Life
9. Be steadfast in love. Be firm in our commitment to seek a mutual solution; be stubborn in holding to our common foundation in Christ; be steadfast in love. (Colossians 3:12-15)
10. Be open to mediation. Be open to accept skilled help. If we cannot reach agreement among ourselves, we will use those with gifts and training in mediation in the larger church. (Philippians 4:1-3)
11. Trust the community. We will trust the community and if we cannot reach agreement or experience reconciliation, we will turn the decision over to others in the congregation or from the broader church. (Acts 15)
12. Be the Body of Christ. Believe in and rely on the solidarity of the Body of Christ and its commitment to peace and justice, rather than resort to the courts of law. (1 Corinthians 6:1-6)
Adopted by the General Conference Mennonite Church Triennial Session and Mennonite Church General Assembly, Wichita, KS, July 1995 (Mennonite Website)
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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Great advice for those of us trying to be faithful in our married life.
amen.
I have this posted above my desk to keep me faithful to always seek “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”.
Beautiful post Sister!! thanks for sharing this!! Blessings!
Wonderful wisdom for cultivating relationships in any vocation (single, married, religious life etc.), using any communication method (face-to-face, phone, letter, email, blogs, texting, tele/video conferencing etc.) in any area for which we focus/specialize. (Education, Technology, Engineering, Healthcare, Spirituality, Manufacturing, Finance, etc).
I found the pledge categories … in thought, in action and in life to be very helpful. Thanks for sharing Sister Julie.
Peace,
Kathleen
It’s a very enhancing and growth promoting skills to be sharpened in everyday relationship! It’s such a great tool to be used i promoting the optimum peace that each one is responsible..
Thanks and God bless Sister Julie!
i can’t think of a place where guidelines such as these would not help.
on another note, sister julie: have you seen the movie strangers in good company? it is improvised by 7 nonprofessional canadian women and one professional and it moved me deeply. there is a woman–my favorite–who turns out to be a nun. i’m guessing she really is/was a nun and that all of these women basically played themselves, including the professional actress, within the confines of the plot. most of the players are dead now–the movie was made in 1990 and many of them were quite old at that time. anyway, the movie shows the triumph of the spirit of women in the midst of a crisis (as do all my very favorite movies: paradise road, fried green tomatoes, steel magnolias, etc.). i haven’t found it for sale yet, but i streamed it from netflix three times already. i think you might love it. peace, julie.
Thanks, Sr. Julie. These are great guidelines for us. rose