As far as celibacy goes, I don’t know the answer to what should or should not be done in the future, but I have enormous respect for those who choose that path and sacrifice other “goods” such as marriage or family in the traditional sense. And I do believe that it frees you in certain ways, and in setting that part of your life aside, you are allowing something (or Someone) else to fill up that space, which is absolutely wonderful. On a side note – for those who are married with small children, celibacy might be more a part of their lives than you might think – we’re just too tired!

I am, ultimately, a daughter of God who is now caring for other young lives and doing my best to teach them, most importantly, about the deep love of Christ. It is a beautiful calling, as is the life of any person striving to follow God’s voice, celibate or not. Thank you Sister Julie for posting the article and for allowing space to respond to it.

I personally do not feel chastised or ashamed about my choice. In fact I’m very cool with it and, given this blog, feel quite free to proclaim it! My concern was with young people who might be considering it who, upon reading your essay, might think they were the odd ones out for considering something like celibacy. Dealing with peer pressure around sex, being constantly confronted by sex in advertisements and entertainment, and dealing with one’s own attractions already make it challenging to begin with.

I think a discussion about what celibacy means and what that has to do with the viability of religious life (one form among others of Consecrated Life) is essential to the questions and wonderings you raised. At the same time, it is important to affirm, as you have done well, the valuing the goodness and beauty and consecrated-ness of loving, sexual relationships.

I want to hear more wonderings and questions from people who are in this space of wanting a kind of life-long commitment that involves both a loving, committed relationship within a family-type situation and also the community life and mission of religious sisters or religious brothers. There are many things to unpack here and to discover!

Again, my thanks to you, Jamie, for beginning this conversation and being willing to engage with the many thoughts and ideas and responses that have emerged.

O.k, back to the topic. My bottom line with celibacy is that there is an aspect of mystery to this gift, just like the vocational calling itself. We could go round and round about it, but there will be those who will never be able to grasp its purpose.

Celibacy is a sacrifice, a calling, an offering, peace, freedom, an open door to be able to give the self in a different way. To me, you have to have the calling to celibacy and religious life, or it will not make sense.

On the other hand, having a family places me squarely alongside the majority of those to whom I minister. I face the same challenges for balance between work and family that they do. It gives me some insight into their situations and ultimately makes me a better minister for them. Now, does that mean I cannot then minister to single people, celibate people, or others not in my same situation? It does not, any more than those who have chosen a celibate life are unable to minister to those who are married or sexually active. We all respond to ministry situations with the gifts and experiences we have been given and some of those are always going to be more valuable in a particular situation than others.

I agree with Sister Julie and Marla that all of us are called by God to serve him in our circumstances (in Lutheran circles we call that “the priesthood of all believers”). And I also agree with Kate that celibacy, when optional, might be a more powerful witness than celibacy that is compelled. Of course, all those who have become sisters, priests, etc., presumably knew what they were getting into (as much as anyone can–not all married people knew what they were getting into either!) when they accepted God’s call to a celibate profession, but making celibacy optional would bring another and, I believe, positive dynamic to the situation. (And for the record, I know several very good Lutheran pastors who have chosen celibacy even though our denomination does not require it.) The point of all of this is to answer the question, “How can I best serve the God who has loved me and called me to be in his service in the world?”

Thanks for providing an opportunity for such and important (but often misunderstood) topic as celibacy in consecrated life.

As another celibate, I want to point out that those with vocations to consecrated life don’t embrace celibacy or life-long virginity simply because they aren’t attracted to marriage. Instead, we sacrifice marriage (and you can’t make a true sacrifice out of something that you don’t greatly value!) in order to offer God our entire capacity for love. Celibacy allows consecrated women and men to love God—and therefore to love all His people—with “an undivided heart.”

Likewise, consecrated celibacy is a witness to the fact that God is WORTH giving up as great a good as marriage and family life.

Additionally, celibate consecrated persons anticipate what will be the reality for all of the faithful in Heaven, where they “neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like the angels.” In this way, consecrated celibates can help make our heavenly future more present to today’s world.

Because of these things, celibacy cannot be separated from consecrated life, since consecrated life is by definition a vocation to exactly this specific type of radical witness and dedication to God. So although all Christians are called to be saints, celibate consecrated life still has a very special, unique character and value within the Church.

I hope this doesn’t sound too “preachy,” but this is a subject very near and dear to my own heart!

Jamie, glad to hear your response.

Many thanks for your thoughtful response to my essay, which was brought to my attention by the executive director of the Women’s Ordination Conference. I appreciate very much your willingness to engage the article and generate some very thought-provoking questions.

As you can imagine, I am limited to 1200 words in writing these columns, so often I must leave many issues unaddressed.

It is important to me that my column might have made you feel “chastised” for choosing celibacy. One of my greatest commitments in my teaching and writing is to ensure that no one feels ashamed or judged about how they choose to express their sexuality. I am sorry it I did so.

My focus was really to address not so much celibacy, but committed loving, sexual relationships, most specifically how the “goal” of these relationships has been radically and singularly altered since the mid-1960s. These changes have had, I believe, extraordinary repercussions for the celibacy requirement. Not celibacy in and of itself, but the requirement. I wanted to introduce that idea and explore it as much as possible within such a strict word limit.

Please know that, though I may not fully understand celibacy as a committed nun does, I do understand that it does not simply mean “not being involved in a sexual relationship” any more than being married or in a committed partnership simply means “being involved in s sexual relationship.”

The heart of the matter is, for me, that I care very deeply about religious communities and I fear for their survival. I have been profoundly influenced by so many women religious from many orders: Mercy Sisters, Sisters of Charity, Immaculate Heart of Mary, Carmelites, Benedictines, and on and on. I know what a loss would be to the world if these communities vanished. I do not want to live in a world where no one practices the Rule of Benedict, or knows the legacy of Elizabeth Ann Seton, or doesn’t read Teresa of Avila’s autobiography (she is my patron–images of her surround me as I write this!). I would like to explore creatively and with full awareness of the on-going sexual and relational development of new generations of Catholics what the possibilities might be for consecrated life.

I do not pretend to know the answers to the key to survival. But I would like to be a positive part of the conversation. What I tried to offer in my article was an article that was sex-positive, Gen-X positive, and religious-life positive. I don’t read many articles that combine those three elements. My only regret is that you experienced it as celibacy-negative. This was not my intention. I am very glad that you highlighted this for me and your readers.

truer words were never spoken. thank you.

At our convent, we pray for “An increase of vocations to the priesthood and religious life, and for blessings on the married and single life.” We recognize that God calls us in many ways, and the common denominator in all these ways of life is that we need God’s strength and courage to answer wholeheartedly “Yes.”