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Blank Check
What does it mean to write a blank check for God? What does it mean to commit oneself to God without knowing the cost, without knowing the details and specifics, without knowing the adventure that lies ahead?
We experience the “blank check” phenomenon in many spheres of our life. Who would have thought that our job would include x, y, and z? How could we have known that a relationship with so-and-so would lead to a, b, and c? True, there are many choices that we make with very clear, expected results. But not so with life decisions and life commitments. In many ways, the choice is not to a specific thing but to a way of being — a way of being who we are and a way of being in relationship with others, including God.
When I became an IHM Sister, I did so because I desired more than anything to give my life to God and to mission in and through the IHM congregation. I had some ideas of what I wanted that to look like, but all those ideas were simply that — ideas. They were not written into my vows, they were not inscribed in my official records, they were not promised to me by anyone. Giving oneself to God through any life vocation means that you are open to wherever God leads you, even to places that you might never have imagined or ones that you could imagine but didn’t like!
I’m intrigued by the image of “blank check” and would love to hear from you about how you experience this in your life as a mom, a religious sister or contemplative nun, an uncle, a deacon, an educator, a caregiver ….
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Well, there’s no liberation without labor. The truth is, I don’t know if I would have signed on the dotted line if I knew what was in front of me, but I thank God everyday that I did. I graduated with an MFA, with dreams of my own studio, but when I got married I went to work in a pink collar job to support my family. After witnessing a murder/suicide in my workplace, I suffered from debilitating post-traumatic stress (which, by the way, brought me much closer to Mary who witnessed so much), and with my husband’s help was able to leave the security of benefits and pensions. We worked together to pare down our lives and live in the post-traumatic hope that defines all Christians-. Today I work teach part-time at an art college. My eyes have been opened to those living in neighborhoods in my city and around the world who must witness violence as a daily occurrence. My art has moved from an exercise in technical skill to a dialog with reality.
Having a kid was definitely a blank check moment. My husband really wanted to have children, but I was ambivalent about it. For a long time it didn’t happen, so we just assumed it wasn’t going to happen. After 12 years of marriage, I became pregnant. One of the unexpected byproducts of having a child was that I would consider all children as my child. When I see or hear about a child suffering, they become my child suffering. It’s an absolutely horrible feeling. And sad to say, it comes up more than you’d like to think.
I have written many a blank cheque in my life. The latest one is when I adopted two rescue Persian cats. I did so with fear and trembling — would I live long enough to care for them all their lives, would my health hold up so that I have the strength to do what it takes to care for them, will they bond to me, are their deepest wounds in them that I can/not heal …? Not long after I adopted these two-year-olds, one developped ulcerative colitis and requires considerable medical support. His twin shows signs that he will develop it as well. But I am there for them and, yes, they have bonded.
Those who have adopted children face an even “blanker” cheque and I admire them.
I love this topic, Sister Julie. What a fascinating metaphor…
I’m discerning (although I’m definitely on the ‘certain’ side rather than the ‘uncertain’ side) and I too want to “give my life to God and to mission.” Becoming a sister is certainly something I never imagined, but now that I have heard God’s call I am thrilled at the marvelous opportunity. How lucky I am to write a blank check for God!
A blank cheque. I remember (many moons ago) when I got my first chequebook – the thrill and the wondering about what those cheques would be used for. The scariest one was always writing the cheque for my university tuition each year, which was always a big number!
Life as a blank cheque is an even more interesting thought. “Blank cheques” I have written include: giving myself to God at the age of 14, getting married, joining the Franciscan Tertiaries, having a child, and transfer into the Community of Solitude as provisionally professed in Advent last year. Each of those moments was giving something up but not knowing what would happen from that moment of trusting.
Another interesting thought just occurred to me. When has God given me a blank cheque? I think that God’s beauty and grace are blank cheques, in a way – Jesus’ sacrifice was definitely a blank cheque – but, like all blank cheques (real and metaphorical ones), whatever we use the “cheque” for, there is a cost to us and an opportunity for us that opens up, that we need to trust and walk into.
What a wonderful topic, Sr Julie!
Sr Therese
I’ve been carrying around this idea of the blank check since yesterday. What a lovely allegory! It reminds me of what I said at my final profession, that I brought myself to community as a lump of very raw clay, and the sisters took it and helped me stretch and shape myself into the vessel God wanted me to be.
Agree with everyone’s comments. This IS a wonderful metaphor! I like the postive nature of it – we don’t know what will happen, but we enter into something new with trust. And it is an adventure with all that implies. Great post
I’ve also been thinking about the blank check idea since yesterday. In a time when promises and commitments seem to be so easily broken, the thought of making or taking a vow doesn’t hold the same sense of permanence it may once have. Half of all marriages, at least in CA, end in divorce. Prenups are written with this in mind, in order to try to control the situation and not to lose too much in the deal.
A blank check seems to demand more …what? A gambling nature? Trust? Desire? Love? A willingness to surrender whatever is required to possess the only thing that matters? All of the above?
The blank check allegory feels like the one we have to make, or not make, personally and alone with God, regardless of any vows made or not made in public.
In contemplation of the blank cheque allegory I find myself thinking of my life as a soon to be teacher. I have written a blank cheque to my kids and they demand nothing less than all my love, energy, patience, humility and passion. Thankfully this is one blank cheque that God happily endorses. Without His love, His strength and His guidance I would be unable to do a fraction of all that my kids need from me each day. Thank you Father!