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A “Ghost” of a Chance
A guest blog post by friend and writer Kbart ….
“O Holy Ghost, sweet guest of my soul!
Abide in me and grant that I may ever abide in thee.”
From: Cardinal Spellman’s Prayer Book. New York, NY: Edward O’Toole Co., Inc. 1951.
A number of years ago, I used to work in downtown Boston. Each day at lunch, I would take a walk, and one of the stores I passed was “Matthew Sheehan’s Religious Articles.” I was curious about the shop but never made time to go in. So one day Marguerite came down to see me, and we walked past this shop, and we went in and checked out the store. It was pretty awesome, old and new at the same time. They sold Bibles for all denominations, religious books, statuary, rosaries, religious jewelry, church goods, and other religious articles. They also had a used section that featured, among other things, the old religious statues that I remember from my Catholic school days, and prayer books.
While poking around in this section, I stumbled upon this little red book called Cardinal Spellman’s Prayer Book, published in 1951. Paging through it, I found all those prayers I thought I had forgotten. I picked up the book and showed it to Marguerite, who told me who Cardinal Spellman was. I told her about the prayers, and then I put the book back. Without my knowing it, Marguerite went back and got the book and gave it to me for Christmas that year. When I opened that gift, I was happy to see it. There was something about that little book that calmed me when I picked it up, and Marguerite saw it.
I have never been much for prayers. Early on in life someone, well-meaning, tried to bring my sisters, brother and me up to be “good” Catholics – with a capital C. What that well-meaning person did was scare the living daylights out of us, to the point that we wanted nothing to do with prayers, Catholic symbols, rosaries, or Mass for a very long time. The idea of a “Holy Ghost” also scared the living daylights out of me, especially since our very devout and well-meaning grandmother assured us that this Ghost was ever-present and knew all about us. Life goes on, and while my sisters and brother may be spiritual, and possibly believe in a God, they would definitely NOT consider themselves Catholic. Me on the other hand, while I have tried to run away from being Catholic with a Capital C, I find that over the years, being catholic with a small c is something that keeps calling me.
This little prayer book is one I go back to every now and again. One of the first prayers I remember I looked up was the “Hail Mary,” because I couldn’t remember how it went. The second prayer was the “Memorare.” In the case of the “Memorare,” the remembered words brought me a sensation that had never happened before, and it calmed me, and I felt safe. The other thing was the book never referred to the “Holy Spirit,” but to the “Holy Ghost.” And now rather than scaring me, it makes me laugh. And I realize that as I proceed in my Spiritual journey, maybe I do stand a “ghost of a chance!”
In what ways do you feel the Spirit inside of you? Have there been times in your life when your own search for Spiritual understanding, with a capital S, has scared you? What have you done to overcome struggles to accept your own Spiritual path?
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{ 6 comments }
KB, isn’t our God amazing? We think we have figured something out – maybe it’s dumping what we’ve been handed in childhood – throwing it out on the porch to be picked up by the junk man. Then, out of the junk pile out on the porch, something is handed back to us – like your little prayer-book. Sometimes I go back out there and rummage around a bit and find something that maybe I really hadn’t intended to throw out. So we sort, re-sort, and claim what parts of the past really do pertain to the present.
You wrote a while back that God keeps “calling back.” We so slowly grow into what God intended us to be . . . but if we’re open to the little “re-gifts” along the way, we will certainly become who we’re supposed to be. Thanks for sharing your story.
kbart, i love you! you just made god look as accessible as she is supposed to be!
i am so glad your well-meaning person didn’t scare you off forever. my siblings call themselves catholic, though they have never been to church outside of family funerals, except for one brother who has been so badly hurt that he claims to “hate” christians. as a person unwelcome by some in the church, however, you made an important point. being catholic with a capital “c” isn’t necessarily the goal. being open to god’s tug on our hearts (so we may be calmed) is.
You both blow me away with your insights! I love the idea of throwing the stuff of our inner closets and shelves out on the porch for a good air out! And to see what things are worth bringing back “in” for another look and feel.
I sometimes wish I could wad myself up and throw me into a washing machine! Then someone could take me out and “hang me up to dry” in the wonderful air and wind.
In either case one can be “open to Gods tug on” our hearts. Thinking about God in the wind, especially a wind that is cooling and refreshing on a hot day such as this – is a wonderful thing!
Thanks for your thoughts and time to write them down!
PS – thanks also to smx for your thoughts on this blog last night in the chatroom of “praying with the sisters.” Coming to terms with Gramma Cleo is something I never considered doing. Writing for this blog, listening to Ask Sister, Praying with, and being a part of the anunslife community – has made me think about my past and who has influenced me – good or bad – spiritually. I am finding that even in the bad, if I can look at it in the face – I can find some good to learn from.
In the midst of bad times, asking God, “What am I supposed to learn from this?” has always been one of my most powerful prayers…if I’m willing to listen for and to the answer!
Hi. Thanks for this interesting post. I stumbled upon it looking for something else. Growing up, (I’m 30-something/ X-er) I learned all the traditional Catholic prayers through my maternal grandparents. They were of the old school, very devout French Catholics, with just a hint of Jansenism thrown in. They always used the term Holy Ghost when making the sign of the cross or any reference to the third person of the Blessed Trinity. I would ask what the difference was and they would say, “It’s the same thing, but they changed it after (shudder) Vatican II.” I just accepted the phrase and continued using it. As I got older and would be asked to lead the rosary at my parish, I would cause quite a stir. People would come up to me with great interest after and ask why I use Holy Ghost and not Spirit. Little old ladies would pat me on the shoulder and say, “We always called Him the Holy Ghost, don’t know why they changed it.” Middle aged people would say, “Holy Ghost!??? I haven’t heard that in 50 years! Are you allowed to say that?!” Younger people would be intrigued, “Who is this Holy Ghost?”,they would ask.
My understanding is that the term Spirit became more acceptable because Ghost had gotten caught up and confused with ghouls and goblins sometime in the 19th Century. Nowadays, “spirit” has become the catch phrase for so many things that I feel the term “Holy Spirit” has gotten a little muddled.
I find it a amusing that Holy Ghost is on the rise again. I’ve noticed young traditionalist Catholics are using the term and heard it recently at the start of a sermon a few Sundays ago by a priest. I myself continue to use the term, I’m comfortable with it and it gives me a sense of praying in continuity with all my European ancestors who used the term for hundreds of years and found inspiration and maybe a little intrigue in it too.
Your reflection really reasonated with me, Kbart! When I read your words about the feeling of being called back to catholicism, it made me think about the power of the tradition. Our lives are rooted in the tradition, and the tradition roots itself in our lives until the two are so intertwined as to be inseparable, even in the times we’d prefer to keep them separate. Thank you for the wonderful post, Kbart!