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Excuses
During Advent, members of the A Nun’s Life community will be posting reflections on the Jesse Tree and the O Antiphons.
Day 3 :: Fall of Humanity written by Regina
The man replied, “It was the woman you put beside me, she gave me the fruit, and I ate it… The woman replied, “What is this that you have done?” Genesis 3:12-13
I would have eaten the fruit.
I’m sure of it.
And I would have been just like Adam and just like Eve, giving excuses, passing the blame, saying “it’s not my fault! That guy over there made me do it.”
I know this, because I’m just like that now. When my hand gets caught in the proverbial cookie jar, my impulse is to talk my way out of it, to try to convince God that He’s the one that’s got it wrong, that what He’s asking of me isn’t quite the right thing because…
That person was unkind to me, first, so she deserves my retaliatory words.
Or, I had a really bad day, and I’m grumpy, so I should be allowed to be unkind.
Or, I work hard for my money, so I should be allowed to spend it however I want, even though I could be a better steward with my resources.
Excuses, excuses, excuses.
Maybe you know the feeling, too.
And I know the feeling of frustration that comes from a person making excuses to me for their behavior, so I can only imagine how God must feel when I stand there with excuse after excuse for why I shouldn’t have to live by the rules. Luckily for me, God is Infinite Love and Infinite Grace, so instead of getting angry with me and smiting me and banishing me, I imagine that my stubborn refusal to get with the program just makes God sad… because God sees in me true Potential – God sees in me all that I am capable of if only… if only I would surrender myself fully to Him. If only I would embrace that grace… if only I would stand on the promises of God, then I would be able to move beyond the Fall and maybe, just maybe, glimpse Redemption.
* * Want to revisit the other symbols of Advent? Click here on Jesse Tree. * *
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{ 2 comments }
oh, regina, how i relate to your attitude described here. sometimes i think i’d rather cut off my own foot rather than admit i am wrong about something. you hit a major point for me in this post, though, that is even more important: surrender.
surrender really is the key, i think, to being happy with god and life and what we have to deal with each day as humans. i suck at it, so i should know. i can hold on to a problem greedily, thinking only i can fix it, when i really couldn’t even begin to. if i’d just sit down and hand the problem over, i’d be great. do i do that? ha!
how is it that even though i know that god is loving and trustworthy, i cannot just let go? my therapist says our image of god is most often formed by our relationships with our mothers, that mom is the image we see in the almighty. that would certainly explain a lot. my god based on that would be mean and vengeful and just waiting for me to trust her so she could pull away my rug and laugh as i fell. but i have spent my life trying to redefine god on terms as i understood her in my life. i found in her love, for example, more than judgment, forgiveness more than punishment. yet i still fear her too much to just say, “okay, okay, you win. i give up. you are in control.” even though she clearly is.
the grace you speak of is so obvious in my experience of god so far, and yet i doubt that grace.
i actually laughed out loud at you last paragraph. not because it was funny, just because i so relate. i catch myself making excuses to god and stopping short, saying, “oh, crap. you know my heart better than i do. please just help me to knock it off.” god isn’t fooled.
if it weren’t for that grace you mentioned, i’d be less than ashes on the floor.
awesome post. very thought-provoking.
Between Regina and Marla, I stand in awe – what wonderful words! And so down-and-dirty honest and real, these women!
Thank you, God, that you give “wonderful comrades to me: the faithful who dwell in your land!” This is so much more edifying than the sentimental claptrap one ordinarily encounters from “spiritual persons!” So I am rejoicing in this beautiful way of claiming solidarity with what it means to be a sinner – and what it means that God does give us grace! Without that grace, we’d ALL be ashes on the floor.