AS023 Ask Sister podcast recorded live on April 30, 2010. Sponsored by aNunsLife.org ministry. Topics include: monastery live-ins, women deacons, becoming a nun, teaching in universities, modesty in dress, sisterhood, poverty, discernment, and more!
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Ask Sister podcast is a live podcast where you have the opportunity to engage with us and ask questions about nuns, prayer, religious life, or pretty much anything in between!

Here are some of the questions we addressed in this Ask Sister podcast:

• Is it possible to live for a little while at a convent or monastery?
• How can I learn more about becoming a nun? I’m not the most religious person but am curious about becoming a nun.
• Are there options for women to be deacons in the Catholic church or can they only remain celibate as a nun or sister?
• How do I know what God is calling me to? How can I tell if I am called to be a nun?
• Do sisters teach at the university level?
• Do sisters connect with each other across different communities?
• How do sisters and nuns live the vow of poverty?

Do you have a question for us? Call our toll-free Voicemail Hotline at 888-703-4732 and leave a voicemail for us with your question. Be sure to give us your first name and city from where you are calling. We’ll play your message and respond on the Ask Sister podcast. You can also send us an email or comment below. In whatever way you contact us, please know that your last name, email address, and any other private information will be kept confidential.

Listen to AS010 Ask Sister podcast recorded live on January 15, 2010. Sponsored by aNunsLife.org ministry. Topics include family expectations when a person tells them they want to be a Catholic sister; who to talk to when you think you are called to become a nun; and whether or not a person has to be a virgin in order to become a sister or nun.

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Every religious congregation and diocese has Vocation Directors, that is, persons whose primary ministry is to reach out to people discerning their calling and to help them see if they are called to that particular community or diocese. In religious life, a Vocation Director is there to help you get to know the community, to introduce you to and facilitate connections to other sisters or brothers in the community. She or he is also the one who gets to know you, where you are from, what your story is, what attracts you to God, to religious life, and to that particular community.

For those of you who are discerning, it can feel like a huge step to make Official Contact (begin dramatic music) with a religious congregation. I remember how terrified and exhilarated I felt the first time I made contact (yes, it felt a little like Richard Dreyfuss’s character in Close Encounters of the Third Kind) with our IHM Vocation Director. It was not because she or any of the nuns were alien-esque but rather it was something happening within me. I was actually making concrete, publicly articulating this desire that was welling up in me … a desire that I still struggled to put coherent words on.

Some of my fears about contacting a Vocation Director had to do with thinking I was “signing on the dotted line”. I didn’t know that the Vocation Director was there to help me discern, give me more data for my research, help me to get to know the community. I didn’t know that she held both the community’s best interests and my best interests at heart. I was also afraid that as she got to know me, she’d find out I wasn’t all that holy or nunly (whatever I thought that meant!).

The very act of making contact was for me a real help in my discernment because I had to trust God and really believe that the Spirit was working within me. It was like my secret was finally going to be out in the open which was not only terrifying but kind of a relief. I didn’t know what would come of all that but I knew that if I didn’t respond to this nudging of God’s Spirit (no matter how crazy it all seemed to me) then I might miss something. I could never have dreamed that that little nudging would end up in the life I experience now as an IHM Sister dedicated to the liberating mission of Jesus.

I came to value and rely on the relationship that I had with my Vocation Directors (I had two, not because I was a handful … or was it? … but because one was at the end of her term and the new one was beginning). One of the most important things they did for me was to help me to get to know other sisters and to have others get to know me. That was foundational for me and to this day I continue those ever-deepening relationships. My directors and the nuns I met sustained me as I went through the ups and downs of discernment. They let me know that I was welcome and wanted and also that I was free to do what God called me to do, even if it meant not staying.

For those of you considering religious life, what’s your experience of “making contact”? or even just considering making contact? For others, have you ever had this kind of experience of “making contact” in which you made public a desire that you were still in the midst of trying to make sense of?

If you’d like more info about discernment and calling, check out Vocation Forum, Catholics on Call, and Vocation Match.

Discerning a call to become a Catholic sister or nun can be challenging enough (who me, Lord??) but figuring out how to break the news to family and friends is a whole other challenge.

I recently received a question about how to break the news to one’s parents. Here it is in part.

I am very nervous about how they will take the news because becoming a sister is something so radical compared to even what I wanted for myself for years! …. With discussions of college and my future happening at home every day, I feel like I’m pretending to be something I’m not, but I have absolutely no idea how to go about breaking the news…. They know I am incredibly Catholic and I have the reputation as being the most religious in the family, but I am still afraid my news will shock and possibly disappoint them. I know I will eventually have their support, but it is their understanding I crave and I am afraid that that will not happen. When you told your parents, did you tell them suddenly and all at once? Did you sit down at dinner and say “HEY GUESS WHAT! I’m going to be a nun and serve our LORD and our GOD!” or did you do it in small doses, making small hints until they finally guessed it for themselves?

It can be very difficult to put into words one’s call, because you’re probably still figuring it out for yourself and trying to live into what it might mean for your life and future. To actually articulate this to someone else, especially someone whom you love and don’t want to disappoint, can be a real challenge. Even if others are familiar with religious life, it is usually a bit of a jolt for them to think that you — their child, their best friend, their sibling — are thinking about it for real.

Because I was away at college, I could pursue my call without worrying that my family would find out. Even though I was surrounded by religious and seminarians at my theology school, I still didn’t say much about my own possible call because I was still shocked myself. And, I wasn’t sure how it would affect my relationship with them. Would they treat me differently? Or, if I decided not to become a nun, would they be disappointed? Or what if I fell in love in the midst of discerning? How awkward would that be?!

As for my parents and family, I waited until I was sure that this was something that I was going to do. I wanted to get to a place within myself that I could feel strong and know how to talk about my feelings and this sense of call. I wanted to know within myself that even if my family never “got” what I wanted to do, that I’d still be okay with it, albeit a bit sad. I talked a lot with my IHM mentors about how to approach my parents. And I talked first with my sister and brother about it because I knew I’d get the straight-up-without-ice response from them — as well as their love and support.

It wasn’t easy letting my parents and others know. They had a LOT of questions which I wasn’t always sure how to answer. Some wondered if I was being brainwashed, others if I was heartbroken from my last relationship. Some thought I was too young. Almost all feared that I was “limiting” myself, that I was somehow boxing myself in. They feared that I was going to become less of myself — or not myself at all.

Even though I tried to reassure them that become a nun was the most freeing thing I’d ever done, that it was helping me to become more myself, they just didn’t know for sure until they saw me live into it. They saw that I still told the same stupid jokes, that I still loved to hike and feed the chickadees, and that I still loved them dearly.

There’s no easy way to tell family and friends, but remember that this is your call and that just as much as God is leading you, God is also working in your family and friends’ lives too. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and your call when you begin to talk about it with others because they’ll have tons of questions for you, and probably a few challenges. Hang in there with them, and hang in there with yourself. Know that my prayers are with you.

I’d love to hear from others about how they broke the news. Also, any parents or friends out there who have had the experience of being told that a loved one wishes to become a nun? How did you experience hearing the news for the first time?

Continuing my reflections on Saint Teresa of Avila …Teresa was in the convent school with the Augustinian Nuns (see previous post) for about a year and a half. She says that although she grew closer to God, “I still had no desire to be a nun, and I asked God not to give me this vocation” (Life 3.2). But, she notes,

“By the end of this period of time in which I stayed there I was more favorable to the thought of being a nun, although not in that house, for there were things I was afterward to understand were most virtuous that seemed to me to be too extreme…. These good thoughts about being a nun sometimes came to me, and then would go away; and I could not be persuaded to be one.” (Life 3.2)

I love Teresa’s honesty here. I think many people struggle with their vocation (not just to religious life). For some, they know clearly what they are meant to do; but for others like Teresa (and myself), it’s not immediately clear. We have to test it, wrestle with it, ponder it, and ultimately live into it. No one way of discerning is better than another. Somehow or another we end up where God is calling us, though it may be a matter of moments or years. It is so important to hang in there and to continuing to pray and to serve others.Flash of light or cloud of unknowing? — which image fits your experience of finding your vocation? Or what other image fits for you?

My blog provider WordPress.com has this nifty little feature that allows me to see what kind of hits I get from search engines. I think it is my favorite feature. Today I was looking at it and found that the search term “how to get out of being a nun”. I don’t know who entered that the search term or why, but I’ve got to say: I feel your pain.

Basically I never wanted to be a nun. I had my life all planned out — and it most certainly did not involve celibacy, obedience or poverty (the three vows we sisters profess). Life has a funny way of not going the way we plan it all the time. While I was in my last year of college I got to thinking about what I was going to do and how I wanted to live my life. I was involved in my Catholic faith community at school (after a couple year hiatus exploring other faith traditions) and considered my options as a single, Catholic woman. I was aiming for married life, having done the “single” thing. A third option, however, was something I had never considered. So, in a (misguided) spirit of fairness, I thought I’d look into religious life just to say that I did. Then I could cross it off the list. Well so much for that. What happened was that the more I looked into it, met sisters/nuns and brothers/monks, the more I was attracted to the lifestyle. All the while I was thinking NOOOOOO! How do I get out of being a nun?????

I tried my best to get out of it. Let’s see … there was ignoring it, not going to church, doing stupid things to make me feel like I was not nun-material, yelling at God, not talking to God, looking up old flames, checking out Buddhism (until I found nuns there too), and taking up running (trust me, it sounded like a good idea at the time; I was willing to try anything to get me as far away from God as possible).

Finally, I gave into it. Best decision of my life.