AS017 Ask Sister podcast recorded live on March 12, 2010. Sponsored by aNunsLife.org ministry. Topics include: discernment, vocation confusion, the Sr. prefix, how we felt when we first realized we were called to be sisters, gifts for nuns, and more.

Click PLAY below or right-click here to download the MP3.

Subscribe to A Nun’s Life Podcasts:

Ask Sister podcast is a live podcast where you have the opportunity to engage with us and ask questions about nuns, prayer, religious life, or pretty much anything in between!

Here are some of the questions we addressed in this Ask Sister podcast:

• What does the prefix “Sr.” stand for and the initials after a nun’s name?
• I’ve always thought about getting married and having kids, but I’m kind of drawn to becoming a nun. Help! I’m really confused!
• Who helped you as you thought about becoming a sister?
• May I give a gift to a nun for her diamond jubilee?
• How long before you felt at home in the convent?
• How long did it take you between your initial ‘discernment’ and your actual first vows?
• Do you have advice for a young woman who is discerning a vocation to be a Sister?

Do you have a question for us? Call our toll-free Voicemail Hotline at 888-703-4732 and leave a voicemail for us with your question. Be sure to give us your first name and city from where you are calling. We’ll play your message and respond on the Ask Sister podcast. You can also send us an email or comment below.

“Hello Sister. I am a fifteen year old catholic girl and attending a catholic school. I feel that God is calling me to become a nun. I am planning on finishing high school and then taking to a religious life. The problem is I do not know where to go now that I know God is calling me. Can you tell me where I need to go to become a sister? Alyssa”

Hi Alyssa, Thanks for writing. Here are a few resources to check out on A Nun’s Life website:

• How to Become a Catholic Sister or Nun: a general idea of where to start, what the general logistics are, and some helpful hints from someone who’s been there and is now a Catholic sister
• Vocation Forum: a place to explore vocations to religious life

The age requirements for each community varies some. Some communities encourage you to get a college degree first. They may encourage you to “experience life” since you’ll be just out of high school. But it also depends on where you are at with your discernment, how long you’ve know the community (or other communities), etc. Even if you choose to go to college first, I’d highly encourage you to stay in touch with the community. Visit them during spring break or on weekends or whenever you have time.

Basically the first steps start with you and your discernment with God. What do you feel God is calling you to? What are you attracted to in terms of a lifestyle? How will you grow in your relationship with God and others?

In terms of the more practical “next steps” kind of thing, it is important to get to know some nuns. Have a chat with one, and see what she is like. Go to a talk by a nun. Go to mass at their motherhouse. Check out a vocation day at one of the communities. Spend some time just getting to know a community. It’s just like developing a friendship. In the meantime know that you are doing God’s will. You don’t have to wait until you decide on a particular calling. Live now how God is calling you to live. Develop (if you’ve not already) a regular rhythm of prayer, do some spiritual reading (scripture, writings of the saints, etc.), involve yourself in a ministry. Be faithful to your vocation now as a student. Remember, that too is a calling from God. If you don’t know a community of sisters, ask one of your parish leaders. Also, every diocese has a vocation office so you can check with them too and let them know what you are thinking. There are also some online vocation resources to help you along. Here are a couple:

• Vision Vocation Network
• Catholics On Call

As you get to know sisters and their communities, pay attention to how you feel, and how attracted you are to the community. Do you feel at home? Do you feel like you are growing in your relationship with God? Can you see yourself flourishing as a human being with these sisters? Keep bringing all of this to God in prayer.

There are no right or wrong steps in this journey. And they may not happen in any particular order. But this is sort of the gist of it. Let me know if you’ve got further questions or more particular ones. God bless you, Alyssa.

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Join the sisters for evening prayer tonight at 6 p.m. CST and every Monday through Thursday at http://anunslife.org/live

AS016 Ask Sister podcast recorded live on March 5, 2010. Sponsored by aNunsLife.org ministry. Topics include: novenas, scapulars, nunly traits and characteristics, waiting to enter religious life, discerning a call from God, and more.

Click PLAY below or right-click here to download the MP3.

Subscribe to A Nun’s Life Podcasts:

Ask Sister podcast is a live podcast where you have the opportunity to engage with us and ask questions about nuns, prayer, religious life, or pretty much anything in between!

Here are some of the questions we addressed in this Ask Sister podcast:

• What is a novena? What is a scapular?
• How do I know what God wants me to do?
• What can I do to prepare as I wait to enter religious life?
• What traits or skills do you need to possess to be a sister or nun?

Do you have a question for us? Call our toll-free Voicemail Hotline at 888-703-4732 and leave a voicemail for us with your question. Be sure to give us your first name and city from where you are calling. We’ll play your message and respond on the Ask Sister podcast.

AS015 Ask Sister podcast recorded live on February 19, 2010. Sponsored by aNunsLife.org ministry. Topics include: possible to disappoint God?, having so many religious communities to choose from, how long discerning, retreat and vacation and more.

Click PLAY below or right-click here to download the MP3.

During the podcast we played a clip from Patrice Touhy of VISION Vocation Magazine and VocationMatch.com. She gave good advice on what to do if you get an overwhelming number of results using VocationMatch.com which matches persons with religious communities. The segment is included in the podcast above and also as a stand-alone audio clip below.

If you have questions about VISION Vocation Magazine or VocationMatch.com, please feel free to contact Patrice.

Subscribe to the A Nun’s Life Podcast:

Ask Sister podcast is a live podcast where you have the opportunity to engage with us and ask questions about nuns, prayer, religious life, or pretty much anything in between!

Here are some of the questions we addressed in this Ask Sister podcast:

• Will I disappoint God if I do not join religious life? And if I join, are there any series of change that will occur?
• How do I chose a religious community when there are so many choices?
• How long did you discern to become a nun?
• Is it easy for fully professed religious to change congregations? Do they start over?
• Do sisters and nuns go on vacation?
• Can sisters and nuns wear nail polish?

Do you have a question for us? Call our toll-free Voicemail Hotline at 888-703-4732 and leave a voicemail for us with your question. Be sure to give us your first name and city from where you are calling. We’ll play your message and respond on the Ask Sister podcast.

The turn of the new year often fills us with ideas and inspirations to try something new, to set out on a new path for the new year. To those of you who have entertained (however briefly or maybe for a long time!) with the idea of becoming a sister or nun, I invite you to consider the following:

Do you long for something more, a something that just can’t seem to be filled by your current work, relationships, endeavors, etc. even though you experience these as good?

Are you interested in deepening your life of faith through prayer, ministry, and community with others who share similar values, vision, and mission?

Are you open to the Spirit and the often surprising ways the Spirit leads?

Are you attracted to the life of Jesus the Christ and to lives of saints and holy people who strove to follow Jesus and live the Gospel?

Do you wish to live and think and “be” in a way that places the common good ahead of other goods such as personal wants?

Are you able to let go of preconceived images of what religious life is or should be?

Can you accept the humanity of yourself and of sisters and nuns and at the same time trust that the Spirit is alive and well in and through our humanity?

Do you feel both attracted to and terrified of the though of religious life, wondering perhaps, why God would call you of all people?

Are you willing to use your gifts, talents, experience, energy, and passion for God’s purposes and for a common mission and life in God?

Are you up for the greatest adventure of your life?

This is your invitation, your opportunity to take a step toward responding to this call. You don’t have to have it all figured out, or rationalize it, or be without doubt or fear. That’s all part of the package. Yo are invited to take a leap of faith, trusting that though you do not know where it will lead, that God is right here with you and will lead you to good.

What do you do now? Start reading and doing any of the suggestions on our page How to Become a Nun. Say something to that sister you admire but were afraid to say anything to about your desire. If you’ve felt attracted to the mission and life of Sister Maxine, myself, or other sisters here at A Nun’s Life, then take a chance and contact us. Check out Catholics on Call. Call the vocation director of the community you’ve been thinking about. Attend a retreat or day of prayer where you can explore how your desires and attractions are part of God’s call to you.

There is only one thing left to say.

Begin.

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Please join us at 6:00 p.m. CST (your time zone) for Praying with the Sisters podcast, a ministry of A Nun’s Life. Visit aNunsLife.org/LIVE.

Listen to our last Praying with the Sisters podcast from December 31, 2009. Click PLAY below or right-click here to download the MP3.

Much can be said (and written) about seeking God’s blessings and seeking God’s ways. Countless questions about God and directed to God have been uttered — what is the meaning in life, my life? how can I give my life to God? what is God like? where is God? does God hear me, notice me?

Sometimes, when pursuing one of these Big Questions, we stumble upon blessings that we did not intentionally seek. For example, way back when, I spent time discerning how God was calling me to use my gifts in the world as a Catholic sister. I was happily committed in my life as a sister but was still trying to find my place in the world in regards to form or context of ministry. Through prayer, conversations with my sisters, retreat, and simply trying new things, I began moving toward a kind of “answer” to what I was seeking. In the midst of all that discernment, that “figuring out” where God was leading me, there were some unexpected blessings.

Like blogging.

I started a simple little blog more as a hobby and to learn more about Internet technologies. I had no expectations for the blog other than it would help me learn a few tricks. I certainly did not expect that I would be working full-time with the A Nun’s Life website and community some 3+ years later! The blog was one of those blessings I stumbled upon while I was trying to pursue this other question of what work I wanted to commit myself to as an IHM Sister. It seemed irrelevant at the time, a mere distraction, yet it was and continues to be a great blessing that has taken me, and my original question, to a new place.

What “blessing stumbled upon” have you had in life? In what ways is God calling you to not necessarily answer your original question but simply to live out of the new place in which you find yourself?

Footnote: Thoughts today inspired by Teresa of Avila (p. 62) and my nun Sister Maryfran Barber, IHM.

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Join Sister Maxine, the A Nun’s Life community, and me for Praying with the Sisters podcast at 6 p.m. Central Time tonight (your time zone).

This is the final in a series of three posts on Saint Teresa of Avila. The whole piece was originally published in VISION, the Catholic Religious Discernment Guide.

Read the first part My BFF is a 16th century nun, Teresa of Avila and the second part Teresa of Avila’s desire to give her life to God.

A leap of faith

Teresa spent a year and a half living with the nuns. Still, she resisted becoming a nun, saying, “I could not be persuaded to be one” (Life 3.2). Though obviously attracted to the life, Teresa needed time to adjust to the possibility of God calling her to religious life. Like Teresa we are often given the same challenge of imagining our life in a different way. Teresa says little about how or even if she resolved her questions, but we do know that she decided to become a nun anyway. She was able to set aside her doubts and fears and respond to God’s call.

This didn’t mean that Teresa’s life was easy once she made the decision to become a nun. Explaining her call to family and friends proved to be a challenge. Her father so loved her that he couldn’t imagine letting her leave for the convent until after he died. Nothing Teresa said or did could change his mind. But Teresa wished to remain true to the call from God. She knew herself well enough to know that if she didn’t pursue God’s call now, she might never do it. So early one morning, Teresa quietly left her father’s house for the convent: “I remember, clearly and truly, that when I left my father’s house I felt that separation so keenly that the feeling will not be greater, I think, when I die. For it seemed that every bone in my body was being sundered” (Life 4.1).

The pain which Teresa wrote about here is real. Whether it be family or friends, careers or possessions that we want to hold onto, God’s call is all-encompassing. It is a call to be open to radical change in our lives, if that’s what God asks of us.

Filled with a new joy

Teresa entered the Carmelite Monastery of the Incarnation in 1533, took the habit, and eventually professed solemn vows as a Carmelite nun. Her initial struggle gave way to a lasting joy: “[God] gave me such great happiness at being in the religious state of life that it never left me up to this day, and God changed the dryness my soul experienced into the greatest tenderness. All the things of religious life delighted me, and it is true that sometimes while sweeping, during the hours I used to spend in self-indulgence and self-adornment, I realized that I was free of all that and experienced a new joy that amazed me.” (Life 4.2)

When I first began considering religious life, I never would have imagined I’d experience this “new joy” of which Teresa wrote. But the experience of responding to God’s call and eventually professing my vows as an IHM Sister was a joy that I’d never felt before. I felt like a new person, yet more myself than ever.

Trusting in God Always

All along the way, it helped to have Teresa by my side. Today she is still very much a companion. Sometimes I turn to her writings for encouragement, other times for help in a pastoral or theological quandary. Whenever I have questions about prayer or don’t quite understand how the Spirit is moving in my life, I pray and seek guidance from Teresa. Even Teresa’s own tangles with God (once, when complaining of her suffering, Teresa heard Jesus respond, “This is how I treat my friends” to which Teresa rejoined, “No wonder you have so few!”) give me assurance that my struggles are not out of the ordinary and that there is a way through the darkness.

Although I have known Teresa for many years now, I continue to discover new things about her. Recently, I read a book of her letters. The letters reveal a woman who was deeply committed to a contemplative life but who was, of necessity, engaged in what one commentator calls “a maelstrom of activities.” Sometimes this maelstrom got the best of her. Wrote Teresa, “With so many duties and troubles … I wonder how I’m able to bear them all” (Letter 39 in The Collected Letters of St. Teresa of Avila).

As a religious I can identify with this constant balancing of prayer, ministry, and community life. It is both a joy and a challenge to live this life. Religious life calls us to our best selves and often summons strengths and gifts that we didn’t even know we had. I’m sure on more than one occasion Teresa was surprised to see how things worked out or what paths opened up that she could have hardly imagined. Perhaps some of the best advice that Teresa has ever given to me is to trust always in God, even when things are tough or unclear. She reminds me that determination is indeed a virtue and a necessity in the life of faith.

“Have great confidence,” Teresa wrote, “for it is necessary not to hold back one’s desires, but to believe in God that if we try we shall little by little, even though it may not be soon, reach the state the saints did with his help. For if they had never determined to desire and seek this state little by little in practice they would never have mounted so high.” (Life 13.2)

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What struck you about Teresa’s life and her desire to trust always in God? If you could ask Teresa anything, what would it be?

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Join Sister Maxine and me for prayer today at noon Central Time at http://anunslife.org/live.

I am delighted to announce that my community, the Immaculate Heart of Mary Sisters of Monroe, Michigan — are offering a Come & See Weekend for women who are attracted to our way of life and want to learn more about becoming an IHM Sister.

The weekend is October 23-25 and it will be hosted by Sister Mary Bea, IHM Vocation Director, and myself. All the info is below. If you have any questions or wonderings, feel free to contact Sister Mary Bea or to email me (be sure to add in the @ and . symbols of my email).

This weekend might be for you or someone you know if …

• you are a woman around 18-55 years of age who is attracted to religious life and wants to learn more about IHM Sisters
• you feel a longing to deepen your relationship with God and want to express this in a life-long commitment
• you’ve met an IHM Sister and thought, Hey, she’s pretty cool. I’d like my life to also have that same sense of joy, prayerfulness, and desire to serve others.
• you know someone who seems to have a calling to religious life and would be at home with the IHM Sisters life and mission

IHM Come and See
October 23-25, 2009
Friday 7 p.m. to Sunday 12:30 p.m.

Come to:

• Join in formal and reflective prayer with the Immaculate Heart of Mary Sisters
• Learn important tools and dimensions of a fruitful discernment
• Discover our IHM history, passion for justice, and our mission to care for creation
• Spend time in our “green” Motherhouse
• Share your stories with our wisdom figures and newly vowed sisters

Register now:

• Contact Sister Mary Bea, IHM Vocation Director, at 734-240-9820 or via email
• We can welcome up to 10 women for the Come & See Weekend
• Please register by October 16, 2009

Location:

IHM Motherhouse
610 West Elm Avenue
Monroe, Michigan 48162
www.ihmsisters.org

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Join Sister Maxine and me for prayer today
at 12:00 p.m. noon Central Time (UTC-5)
at anunslife.org/live

I have been meditating on the Vow of Poverty this morning after reading comments on the Nun News Roundup podcast we did on Friday.

Jean raises some very good questions about discerning a call to religious life and encountering the question of privilege. Here’s what she wrote in part:

I am struggling mightily with a concern that 21st century American religious life may place many of its new or younger entrants (post-1990s, say, and I did just pull that out of my hat) in a tremendously privileged life and socioeconomic/cultural class in this society. That the matter of who legally owns the resources can be, in real terms, very much “semantics”, placing many religious and communities well and even deep within the ranks of the “non-poor” in terms of both concrete resources and the stew of privilege (or not) that is “class”, a powerful possibility in this society.

Jean, poverty and the vow of poverty are not easy realities to get one’s head around! But it is good to tangle with them as you are considering your calling in life and exploring religious life. I pulled your comments to the fore because I know I thought about them when I was discerning religious life (still do!) and I know others are as well. So I think this conversation will be helpful to many. All are welcome (as always) to participate in the conversation.

Although not all sisters and nuns profess a vow of poverty, one of three evangelical counsels (the other 2 are chastity and obedience … Jesus’ advice to those who wish to dedicate their lives to God), all religious strive to live this virtue in their personal and communal life.

Here are a couple of my thoughts on the vow of poverty … one comes from my reading of Pope Benedict XVI’s book on Jesus of Nazareth and the other comes from a visitor’s question a while back about the different dimensions of poverty. It’s important to note that poverty in the sense of the vow, the evangelical counsel, is not the same as poverty in the sense of destitution or lack of subsistence or means of supporting oneself or one’s family.

I would like to hear more from you about the topic of living poverty as a religious. If you are a sister or nun, what does this mean for you? If you are discerning like Jean, what concerns do you have? And for all visitors, do you find echoes of the evangelical counsel of poverty in your own life?

P.S. Join us for prayer at midday today — live at noon Central Time.

Every religious congregation and diocese has Vocation Directors, that is, persons whose primary ministry is to reach out to people discerning their calling and to help them see if they are called to that particular community or diocese. In religious life, a Vocation Director is there to help you get to know the community, to introduce you to and facilitate connections to other sisters or brothers in the community. She or he is also the one who gets to know you, where you are from, what your story is, what attracts you to God, to religious life, and to that particular community.

For those of you who are discerning, it can feel like a huge step to make Official Contact (begin dramatic music) with a religious congregation. I remember how terrified and exhilarated I felt the first time I made contact (yes, it felt a little like Richard Dreyfuss’s character in Close Encounters of the Third Kind) with our IHM Vocation Director. It was not because she or any of the nuns were alien-esque but rather it was something happening within me. I was actually making concrete, publicly articulating this desire that was welling up in me … a desire that I still struggled to put coherent words on.

Some of my fears about contacting a Vocation Director had to do with thinking I was “signing on the dotted line”. I didn’t know that the Vocation Director was there to help me discern, give me more data for my research, help me to get to know the community. I didn’t know that she held both the community’s best interests and my best interests at heart. I was also afraid that as she got to know me, she’d find out I wasn’t all that holy or nunly (whatever I thought that meant!).

The very act of making contact was for me a real help in my discernment because I had to trust God and really believe that the Spirit was working within me. It was like my secret was finally going to be out in the open which was not only terrifying but kind of a relief. I didn’t know what would come of all that but I knew that if I didn’t respond to this nudging of God’s Spirit (no matter how crazy it all seemed to me) then I might miss something. I could never have dreamed that that little nudging would end up in the life I experience now as an IHM Sister dedicated to the liberating mission of Jesus.

I came to value and rely on the relationship that I had with my Vocation Directors (I had two, not because I was a handful … or was it? … but because one was at the end of her term and the new one was beginning). One of the most important things they did for me was to help me to get to know other sisters and to have others get to know me. That was foundational for me and to this day I continue those ever-deepening relationships. My directors and the nuns I met sustained me as I went through the ups and downs of discernment. They let me know that I was welcome and wanted and also that I was free to do what God called me to do, even if it meant not staying.

For those of you considering religious life, what’s your experience of “making contact”? or even just considering making contact? For others, have you ever had this kind of experience of “making contact” in which you made public a desire that you were still in the midst of trying to make sense of?

If you’d like more info about discernment and calling, check out Vocation Forum, Catholics on Call, and Vocation Match.

Kudos to Sister Mary Alternative (an Episcopalian woman considering religious life) for starting this post: “You may be a nun if …” Here are some of her responses that I love!

You may be a nun if …

• you see nuns everywhere you go
• you see nuns so often that now even your friends are seeing them in airports and stuff
• you have the book of common prayer online version saved to your favorites on the blackberry

Here’s a few more from personal experience:

• have vocation/nun material hidden where no one can find it
• you want nothing to do with the idea of being a nun, but yet you find it strangely compelling too
• you know what it’s like to fall in love with a person or a lifework yet it feels like all the pieces aren’t quite together yet … something is missing
• you regularly engage in “nun surveillance“

How would you finish this sentence? “You may be a nun if … “

Discerning a call to become a Catholic sister or nun can be challenging enough (who me, Lord??) but figuring out how to break the news to family and friends is a whole other challenge.

I recently received a question about how to break the news to one’s parents. Here it is in part.

I am very nervous about how they will take the news because becoming a sister is something so radical compared to even what I wanted for myself for years! …. With discussions of college and my future happening at home every day, I feel like I’m pretending to be something I’m not, but I have absolutely no idea how to go about breaking the news…. They know I am incredibly Catholic and I have the reputation as being the most religious in the family, but I am still afraid my news will shock and possibly disappoint them. I know I will eventually have their support, but it is their understanding I crave and I am afraid that that will not happen. When you told your parents, did you tell them suddenly and all at once? Did you sit down at dinner and say “HEY GUESS WHAT! I’m going to be a nun and serve our LORD and our GOD!” or did you do it in small doses, making small hints until they finally guessed it for themselves?

It can be very difficult to put into words one’s call, because you’re probably still figuring it out for yourself and trying to live into what it might mean for your life and future. To actually articulate this to someone else, especially someone whom you love and don’t want to disappoint, can be a real challenge. Even if others are familiar with religious life, it is usually a bit of a jolt for them to think that you — their child, their best friend, their sibling — are thinking about it for real.

Because I was away at college, I could pursue my call without worrying that my family would find out. Even though I was surrounded by religious and seminarians at my theology school, I still didn’t say much about my own possible call because I was still shocked myself. And, I wasn’t sure how it would affect my relationship with them. Would they treat me differently? Or, if I decided not to become a nun, would they be disappointed? Or what if I fell in love in the midst of discerning? How awkward would that be?!

As for my parents and family, I waited until I was sure that this was something that I was going to do. I wanted to get to a place within myself that I could feel strong and know how to talk about my feelings and this sense of call. I wanted to know within myself that even if my family never “got” what I wanted to do, that I’d still be okay with it, albeit a bit sad. I talked a lot with my IHM mentors about how to approach my parents. And I talked first with my sister and brother about it because I knew I’d get the straight-up-without-ice response from them — as well as their love and support.

It wasn’t easy letting my parents and others know. They had a LOT of questions which I wasn’t always sure how to answer. Some wondered if I was being brainwashed, others if I was heartbroken from my last relationship. Some thought I was too young. Almost all feared that I was “limiting” myself, that I was somehow boxing myself in. They feared that I was going to become less of myself — or not myself at all.

Even though I tried to reassure them that become a nun was the most freeing thing I’d ever done, that it was helping me to become more myself, they just didn’t know for sure until they saw me live into it. They saw that I still told the same stupid jokes, that I still loved to hike and feed the chickadees, and that I still loved them dearly.

There’s no easy way to tell family and friends, but remember that this is your call and that just as much as God is leading you, God is also working in your family and friends’ lives too. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and your call when you begin to talk about it with others because they’ll have tons of questions for you, and probably a few challenges. Hang in there with them, and hang in there with yourself. Know that my prayers are with you.

I’d love to hear from others about how they broke the news. Also, any parents or friends out there who have had the experience of being told that a loved one wishes to become a nun? How did you experience hearing the news for the first time?

My IHM sister Jill Kress is guest blogging over at IHM Calling blog. Jill describes what it’s like Between the Commas … Becoming an IHM Sister.

Sister Jill is a regular visitor at A Nun’s Life, most recently shedding light on the discernment process in our online discernment discussion last night with Sister Mary McDevitt, IHM, of Visitation Spirituality Center.

You can also see Jill in action in a video she did for A Nun’s Life last fall on discerning a vocation.

Welcome to A Nun’s Life, and welcome to our online discussion with Sister Mary McDevitt, a Catholic Sister in my IHM Congregation and a spiritual director. Sister Mary will be joining Sister Maxine Kollasch and myself in order to listen to and respond to your questions about discernment and how to know God is calling you.

This discussion takes place right here on this page in the comment section (below). We begin at 7 p.m. EST and go until 9 p.m

I asked Sister Mary a few preliminary questions just to give us a glimpse of who she is. Read more on my original post introducing Sister Mary.

Sister Julie: Who are the IHM Sisters of Monroe, Michigan? What is your spirituality and mission/ministry?

Sister Mary: The IHM Sisters were founded in 1845 for the education of children in the area. Through the years we have expanded to broader and wider ministries. After a long history of classroom teaching, we have come to understand education in many forms through parishes, retreats, and other ministries. Some still are called to ministry within schools.

The spirituality of IHMs is to share in the work of Jesus to bring about the “dream of God” for this world and for even for the whole planet. Since our earliest history there is a predilection to minister to those who are in dire straits either directly or through education indirectly.

Sister Julie: What was it like for you when you discerned becoming a Catholic sister and entering the IHM community?

Sister Mary: In the 1950s when I considered my future, vowed religious life was the only way I could think of enjoying a life given within the Church for the building up of the Body of Christ. Lay ministry was not very much in vogue. The vowed life seemed to be as a way to give my life totally to the work of God.

Sister Julie: What kind of work do you do at Visitation Spirituality Center?

Sister Mary: Visitation North Spirituality center is a place of welcome for all those who seek some space and time for themselves. We offer spiritual direction, at home retreats, as well as thematic presentations such as Lent, grief, and creative space for artists.

Please extend a warm welcome to Sister Mary McDevitt, IHM.

Tonight, A Nun’s Life is hosting a blog discussion on discernment and decision making with Catholic nun and spiritual director Sister Mary McDevitt, IHM.

TONIGHT
7-9 p.m. EST

http://anunslife.org

The discussion is like other discussions we’ve had here (e.g. Doubt the Movie discussion) where the interaction is through comments back and forth on the blog. So all you need to do is visit around 7 p.m. EST. Go to the most recent post (which will be called Discernment and Decision-making Discussion), read and offer comments/questions. This is your conversation! You can email me or comment directly on the blog post. You’ll have to update/refresh your screen to see new comments/questions.

If you have any preliminary comments or questions please write them in the comment section below. If you can’t join us tonight from 7-9, check in anytime later and you’ll be able to see the discussion.

For more info on discernment and practical steps for decision-making, see Sister Mary’s earlier posts this week:

• A Spiritual Director comes to A Nun’s Life to discuss Discernment
• Decision-Making Using a Process of Discernment of Spirits
• 4 Steps for Discernment and Decision-Making
• The Discernment Chart

In yesterday’s post on 4 Steps for Discernment and Decision-Making, Sister Mary noted in Step 2 that you can create a kind of chart to help you figure out how you feel about a decision that you have to make.

I thought I’d give you an example of what that chart might look like for the question, Should I go to graduate school or not?

The pros and cons don’t have to seem like significant reasons, they just have to be important to us. I remember when I had to choose a high school, I ended up going to one because their basketball uniforms looked more cool than the other school’s. Now it wasn’t my only reason, but that desire encapsulated for me all that I felt about the school and that I could envision myself in that school, with those people, and, of course, in that uniform!

Try making a chart for yourself. Consider something in your life that requires you to make a decision. It might be big, it might be small. Try it out and be attentive to the guidance that Sister Mary gives on discernment. Let us know how it goes.

What questions or observations do you have for Sister Mary McDevitt, IHM, in preparation for our online discussion with Sister Mary this Sunday, February 15, from 7-9 p.m. EST?

In Decision-Making Using a Process of Discernment of Spirits, Sister Mary McDevitt, IHM, led us through understanding discernment, consolations, and desolations. When discerning and having to make a significant decision, it’s important to be aware your own inner spirit which is where God dwells within you. Today, Sister Mary takes us through concrete steps to help us figure out how God is calling us. She uses the discernment question example from the previous post, “Should I go to graduate school or not?”

Now, let’s get practical.

Are there steps I can take once I am more aware of my inner spirit?

1. Pray

• I pray and stay in the presence of God often.
• I ask God to give me freedom of spirit.
• I try to say to God, “Whatever choice is your will, it’s ok with me.”
• When I lift up each choice to God — e.g., about going to graduate school — I notice what my heart says. I check out my thoughts, too, and the long-range consequences of this action.

2. Write down two columns for each choice

• I line up the pros and cons of the situations. Two columns on why I would not go to graduate school — the good side (pro), and the not-so-good side (con).
• Then I do the same with the reverse: the pros and cons of going to grad school.
• I pray over the list and see which reasons are most moving, most serious and which affect my relationships with other people.
• One expert suggests: Be on your death-bed and ask which choice you would be glad you made.
• For Christians: Bring the decision and kneel under the Cross of Christ. How does it make sense there? Will this decision bring me closer to Jesus Christ in my living the Gospel?

3. Time for confirmation

• Once I have made a tentative decision, I talk it over with those who know me.
• I wait awhile and see if I feel peaceful in this decision as it becomes clearer.

4. Choose, act and be grateful

• One or many of these steps may guide me. I may wish to do these steps with a spiritual companion.

Sister Mary has given us a lot to think and pray on. In preparation for our live discussion with Sister Mary this Sunday, February 15, from 7-9 p.m. EST, please offer your comments and questions below.

The following reflection is from Sister Mary McDevitt, IHM, a spiritual director and sister in my community. Sister Mary will be joining us this Sunday, February 15, from 7-9 p.m. EST to have a live discussion with you around discernment and decision-making.

What is “Discernment of Spirits”?

Why spirits in the plural? From many holy writings we can say that not every personal impulse and not every attraction is necessarily from God. For example, “I feel called to be on a beach in Hawaii.” The attraction may be something rather shallow that is from our own non-reflective spirit’s prompting.

For those of us who believe in a spirit world, some decisions may be the tempting of an evil spirit. This is tricky because evil never looks like evil, but instead looks like good. On the other hand, the inspiration may be truly from the Holy Spirit of God. So there are at least three kinds of spirits: holy, not-so-holy, and evil.

How do I figure out which spirit is prompting me?

Saints in both Hebrew and Christian scriptures and during the history of spirituality have searched to find, “What is the will of God for me?” or, “What is the dream of God for the part of the world that I inhabit?” (Think of the “dream of God” as Martin Luther King’s, “I have a dream”.) Let’s say the question is, “Should I go to graduate school or not?”

Here are two steps that might help me figure it out:

1) Self-Awareness

I must search my heart. I need to habitually analyze what I am thinking, and feeling, asking if this inspiration comes from God and and where is it leading? This takes time, habitual prayer, and profound honesty.

2) Awareness of my affective states

This means recognizing certain good feelings known as consolations. These feelings lead me closer to God. Other feelings identified as desolations are also states of affectivity which may indicate an increasing distance from God.

Here are some examples:

1) C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis, while riding on the upper layer of a bus in England, felt he was touched by God. He described it like someone asking him to let go. He knew it was from God. When he surrendered to the good Spirit he wrote that it was as if he was a “man of snow” beginning to melt and what was rigid became flexible. (Read more about C.S. Lewis)

2) Angela of Foligno

Angela of Foligno experienced desolation and only dryness of spirit, feeling abandoned by God. She could not pray as usual and only felt absence. (Read more about Angela of Foligno)

3) Immaculée Ilibagiza

Immaculée Ilibagiza, having endured 3 months of hiding with 7 others in a crowded bathroom during the Rwandan genocide, wrote later in Left to Tell, “A wave of despair washed over me and I was overwhelmed by fear. I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as I could to resist negative thoughts… I prayed as intensely as I ever have. The struggle between the evil whispers raged in my mind.” (Read more about Immaculée Ilibagiza)

Think about a situation in which you have a decision to make. Given what Sister Mary outlined about discernment, consider what consolations you experienced, and what desolations you experienced. Keep in mind that just because something is uncomfortable or difficult doesn’t mean that it is automatically desolation. We can feel consolation and profound peace, even in the most difficult situations. Correspondingly, just because something is easy and pleasurable doesn’t mean it is automatically consolation.

Write down, either here or for yourself, an experience of consolation and/or an experience of desolation. What did you do with the experience? What did you learn from it? (“I don’t know” is a perfectly acceptable answer!)

P.S. Tomorrow’s post will deal with getting practical with discernment and decision-making. And please plan to join us on Sunday from 7-9 p.m. to chat with Sister Mary.

Discernment is a topic that regularly comes up on A Nun’s Life. Last month I wrote a post called How is God calling you? and a few of you asked about continuing the conversation with a spiritual director. Well, I’ve been working on that and am pleased to announce that one of my IHM Sisters who is a spiritual director will be joining us this Sunday evening from 7-9 p.m. EST for a discussion on discernment and decision-making from a faith perspective.

Sister Mary McDevitt is an Immaculate Heart of Mary (IHM) Sister from Monroe, Michigan. For many years, she worked in areas of spiritual formation within the IHM congregation and engaged in retreat work. Sister Mary taught history of spirituality and spiritual direction at a local seminary in Orchard Lake, Michigan. There she assisted seminarians and lay men and women to complete their Master of Divinity degrees before they served as pastors, associates and staff in parishes. Sister Mary is now director of Visitation North Spirituality Center in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan.

In preparation for Sister Mary’s visit, I asked her to provide us with an overview of what discernment is and some concrete steps to help us figure out how God is calling us. Over the next few days, I’ll post her reflections on discernment and we can chat about it. Then on Sunday, Sister Mary will join us on the blog for a live discussion (like how we did the Doubt movie discussion).

Stay tuned for more on discernment and details about Sunday’s live discussion with Sister Mary. Feel free to offer any preliminary thoughts, questions, etc. on discernment or ideas of what you’d like to see Sister Mary address within the realm of discernment. And please spread the word about this event!

Is God really calling me? How do I figure out what God is trying to say to me? Am I the only one who feels this way?

If you have some of these questions, especially if you are kinda, sorta attracted to (but simultaneously terrified of) a call to consecrated life in the Catholic Church, then the Vocation Forum is for you. What is the Vocation Forum, you ask? It’s a discussion area for people who are discerning God’s call in their life. It’s a place to share vocation resources and questions with other discerners. It’s a fairly new forum and one that we hope will grow and continue to be a welcoming, supportive place for people discerning. Got a friend or daughter or coworker who is thinking about religious life or wondering what their call is? Send them over to the Vocation Forum.

Occasionally I or my nun Sister Maxine Kollasch, IHM, will be on the forum to support you and to figure out any weird technical issues, but mainly this is your place, your conversation.

Not sure if this is for you? Well, give it a shot. A good way to get to know the forum will be at our live “social hour” this Sunday, February 8, 2009, at 8:00 p.m. Eastern Time. It’s an opportunity to get to know others and to discuss thoughts and questions around discerning God’s call.

You need to be a member of the forum to participate, but not to worry, membership is free and easy to do. If you have any questions, just let me know. Feel free to comment below. Also, if you have any other requests or suggestions around how A Nun’s Life can help with vocational questions, issues, etc. please let us know!

And if you’d like to check out other resources that help in discerning your calling, visit Catholics on Call or VISION Vocation website.

I would like to introduce you to my nun, Sister Jill Kress, IHM. Sister Jill is a novice with my congregation, the IHM Sisters of Monroe. She was recently interviewed by the Michigan Catholic newspaper. She address important issues for all discerners. You can read the interview at IHMcalling.org.

Back in November 2008, Sister Jill did a video in response to a question from an A Nun’s Life reader, part of the series Your questions. IHM Sisters respond. Here’s the video in which Sister Jill responds toa vocation question:

What special advice would you have for someone who is an only child and wants to become a Sister?

The calling to be a nun is a pretty amazing thing. It’s a real adventure because it is always full of twists and turns and the unexpected. You never know where the Spirit will lead you. Being a nun is also pretty countercultural — we live in community, we hold all things in common, and we are celibate — all these things are meant to help us be free, free to serve God and God’s people. It’s a radical way of life.

Sometimes it’s difficult to know if what you feel is really real until you begin to act on it, test it out. Keep this desire in your prayers and take some steps to see what being a nun is like. Read a book about or by a nun, go on retreat at a convent, or get to know some sisters. Also, it’s okay to want to think about becoming a nun but also feeling bummed out about being a wife and mom. Any life choice a person makes involves some kind of sacrifice — doesn’t mean that a nun wouldn’t have made a wonderful mom or wife. This is definitely something that is good to pray on and begin to talk with a spiritual director about.

For some people, the call is crystal clear. For others, like myself, it’s a process of trying it out, testing it, and ultimately living into it to see if that is where God is calling me. I think it becomes clear when you feel like it is as natural as breathing air, that it just “fits” with you. When you feel like you are living fully into who God calls you to be and feel like you are growing and able to use your gifts and talents for the good of God, the Church and the world. For me there was no precise moment or flash in the sky, it’s just that I grew into it and was at peace, even though I doubted, struggled, resisted, yelled … there was always this undercurrent of peace.

I personally never wanted to be a nun. It was the kind of thing that snuck up on me. I resisted and resisted because I wanted to be married and have a family. But the more I considered religious life, the more it just seemed to fit me. I tested it out, even when I wasn’t totally sure. What I found was that learning about religious life and getting to know sisters helped me to sort of try it on and begin to imagine my self as a sister and see if it was really something God was calling me to. There was a lot of uncertainty, but also a lot of peace. It took time time for me to grow into God’s call for me. Over time a lot of questions were ones that I was able to live with — and be happy with.

If you are thinking about becoming a nun or are discerning any major life decision, find ways to test it out and don’t be discouraged if things are unclear or unsettling for a bit. Hang in there and know that the Spirit is with you and is guiding you. If you’d like to hang out with others who are discerning, do stop by Vocation Forum. Or for more info you might stop by Vision vocation network or Catholics on Call.

Blessings!

Question from Hayden …

Hi Sister Julie! First of all, I admire you so much! Nuns fascinate me so much. What an amazing spirit you have to lead a life totally for Christ. I am a Christian (Episcopal; raised Episcopal, Methodist, and went to a Church of Christ College), and desire to be closer to God every day! I do have a great relationship with Him, but sometimes think I have trouble hearing what He is telling me. Any advice? I want to learn how to really listen with an open heart and mind. I think it was fate that I even stumbled upon your blog! You are amazing!

Hayden, I’m so glad you came by for visit. Your question is an important one, one that many people including myself have wrestled with. Even Saint Teresa of Avila — a Doctor of the Church in the Roman Catholic tradition because of her teachings on prayer — struggled with prayer and listening to God.

The first thing I want to say is that your very desire to be closer to God is itself a clear indication that God is working within you, drawing you close. As Thomas Merton, the great spiritual writer and Cistercian monk, wrote in a prayer, “I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you and I hope that I have this desire in all that I am doing.” He continued, saying, “And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road although I may know nothing about it.” For me, that is one of the key things to listening to God and responding to God’s call — tapping into that God-inspired desire within yourself to please God, to respond to God in love, to reverence and stand in awe of God.

One of the best ways to do this is to spend time with God as much as you can. Practice Saint Paul’s injunction that we “pray without ceasing“. That means to have a spirit of prayer in all that you do, as you go about your daily life. It also means taking time just to be with God, alone and without distraction. This can be tough to do, and it is also a very intimate and vulnerable thing to do. But just as we would in a relationship with a loved one, we grow into these moments, we’re able to behold a sunset together without words or to gaze into one another’s eyes with great love. These experiences with God nurture us and help us be more in tuned with what God’s desire is for us, what God’s voice “sounds” or “feels” like.

Saint Ignatius of Loyola teaches that there are some other specific ways to get in tune with God’s call to you and to help you better listen to and respond to God. The overall term for this is “discernment”. Ignatius developed a simple method by which you can review each day in a way that will help you grow in self-understanding and free you to follow God’s will. This practice is called the Daily Examen.

Those are just a few of my thoughts as I pray with you, Hayden, and all of us who long to draw close to God.

What ideas or thoughts does this inspire in you? What helps you to listen to God’s call to you?

I’ve just returned home after family and nun festivities and work in four different states. I had some time in Monroe, Michigan, home of my IHM Motherhouse. There’s absolutely nothing like being home with one’s nuns. Although I had some work to do, I feel renewed and encouraged. Community life is such an amazing bond — it is unlike any other relationship or way of being that I have ever experienced.

Now that I am home in Chicago, I am preparing myself for tomorrows Online Conversation with Father James Martin, SJ - rereading chapter 4 of his book My Life with the Saints. The chapter discusses part of his vocation story. Here’s a PDF of the chapter for you to read: My Life with the Saints: Chapter 4. It’s not necessary to have read it to participate in the conversation, but it may give you some ideas of stuff you’d like to ask Father Martin or talk with him about.

Here are some things I’d like to ask Father Martin about …

1) You write about Thomas Merton being asked by the Gethsemani monastery porter, “Have you come here to stay?” (page 57) When did you feel that this question was being posed to you as well? How did it feel to first get a glimpse that God might be calling you to religious life? How did you respond? What did you do with any feelings of uncertainty, fear, resistance, etc.?

2) “For me, Thomas Merton’s description of religious life was an invitation to new life” (page 59). Could you say more about this? How is religious life an invitation to new life? What did that mean for you?

3) You are so right about people (myself included when I was younger) thinking that a call from God is “something of an otherworldly experience”. What can religious, vocation ministers, parents, and parish leaders do to help people sense God’s call in the ordinary “language” of every day life?

4) How did you feel called to the Jesuit way of religious life? Were you attracted by any other kinds of religious communities?

5) How can the saints help people who are discerning a major life commitment? How about the “smaller” discernments in life?

6) What other saints have been your friends along your journey into and within religious life? why?

This conversation is for you so please ask your questions and engage with Father Martin. Feel free to pose your questions now or as we go along tomorrow. See you tomorrow morning!

A friend recently asked me if I know of a community for men that will accept people with mental illnesses that are managed? I personally do not know but thought that the “wisdom of the crowd” could help us out. Please respond with your suggestions. Many thanks!

I’ve touched only a little bit on the subject of religious life and persons wishing to join a community who have a managed mental illness. (See Can You Become a Nun if you have a Chronic Illness?, When a Sister is sick or dying …, and Chronic Illness and Becoming a Nun REVISITED.) As you can tell from my previous posts, it’s not a clear-cut issue. My general sense is that communities discern with candidates on a person-by-person basis. There is no absolute rule that says if you have x, y, or z illness you cannot become a religious. A lot has to do with how well the individual is living with it and to what extent the community has the ability/support systems/understanding to support the person. These considerations all takes place within the mode of discernment, of prayerfully and expectantly seeking God’s Word to oneself and also to the community.

While there may be some communities who are more open to discerning with persons with managed mental illness, all communities must be open to where God is calling them and to help persons discern their calling. I’ve seen wonderful generosity of spirit by religious communities who have discerned with a person even when it was clear that the person did not have a religious vocation with that community. These communities have used their wisdom and discernment expertise to help these persons come to a true sense of who they are and where God is calling them — in some cases that has been to marriage, missionary work as a lay person, college, or another community.

I look forward to your suggestions regarding men’s communities. Again, thank you in advance.

A while back I began a “series” called Decoding Formation.

• Decoding Formation: a basic introduction
• Decoding Formation: who me??
• Decoding Formation: Initial Inquiry

Here’s the next segment of the series. As mentioned in a basic introduction, each religious community may have its own particular nuances to the formation process, however, the basis for the formation process is discernment and the pattern for formation is similar.

Once a person has gone through the period of initial inquiry (discerning and learning more about a particular religious community) she may feel ready to take the next step which is formally preparing for applying to enter the community. The period of time when a person prepares to apply to join a community is called aspirancy or pre-candidacy. This period gets its name “aspirancy” because the person “aspires” to pursue her call to religious life through a particular community. The main work of this period of time is to continue the discernment and prayer that has been ongoing both in the life of the aspirant and in the community.

The person interested in joining begins to more formally study and experience the community’s lifestyle and spirituality. She may be invited to attend certain formation events or community events so that she can truly get a feel for the community. It is so important during this time that the person meet sisters, get to know them, and share her journey with them. Developing and tending to relationships are important aspects of community life.

When I lived in Toronto (5 hours away from the IHM Motherhouse in Monroe), I visited Monroe maybe once a month, but everytime I was there, various nuns would look out for me and be sure I had someone to eat with at lunch or sit with at an event. They made sure they introduced me to other sisters and took me around to the infirmary to meet sisters who weren’t up and about. Though I wasn’t living near Monroe, I met women then who have become my very dear friends. They are the people who helped get me through formation and the various joys and sorrows of life. They kept in touch with me and always welcomed me in Monroe. The events that I went to were important, but more important was the opportunity to get to know these women, to tell them my story and listen to their own. Somewhere in their, I/we discovered that we had a common story and that’s how I knew in part that this was to be home for me.

In addition to the ongoing formation and getting to know one another, there is a formal application process. Once there is a sense from both the woman and the community that the process should continue, the woman may ask to apply to formally enter the community. The application process is not for the faint of heart. It involves getting reports from physicians and psychologists that indicate that you are healthy of mind and body to join. It involves filling out forms with all your basic information, education and employment history, family, etc. Usually there is a series of “essay” questions in which you reflect on your call, your spirituality, your history, who you are, and how God has been at work in your life. Then there are interviews — interviews with formation personnel, leadership and/or sisters at large. Again this is an opportunity to learn more about one another. I say this is not for the faint of heart because a lot — I mean A LOT — of soul-searching takes place. The process of applying gives you a fabulous opportunity to take a look at yourself — mind, body, and spirit — and to integrate your whole self with this call from God. It is amazing as it is terrifying, yet it is all good because you are coming to know yourself better and God and the community. It may feel like you are laying everything out there — because you are — but let me tell you: it is worth it. Whether you end up joining the community or not, this is perhaps one of the most valuable times of your life.

During this time of aspirancy/pre-candidacy, the person maintains responsibility for herself. She financially supports herself and carries on all her ordinary responsibilities. Though she is in the act of applying, she is under no obligation to join. She is always free to leave at anytime. She is not under vows, though she most certainly will be trying to live as if she is as she grows more accustomed to the lifestyle. On the community’s part, there is no obligation to accept a person who applies nor is there an obligation to financially support her. This arrangement allows both parties to remain free in discerning the call. In this way neither the community nor the woman is beholden to the other. Both can freely listen to the Spirit and have that be the center of the relationship and decision.

Once the application process is complete and there is a sense of readiness on behalf of the woman and the community, leadership and/or formation sisters review the application, reflect on their experience with woman, and enter into a period of discernment. After this time, the community will convey it’s response to the woman applying. When the woman is accepted, she may enter the period of postulancy or candidacy. See next installment: Decoding Formation: Postulancy/Candidacy.

… a continuation of the Decoding Formation series … click here for the previous post: Decoding Formation: who me?? …

Once a person has a fairly good idea that they are attracted to the religious lifestyle of a particular community, she may enter an informal period called initial inquiry. As the name suggests, this a time when a person first approaches the community to learn more about the community and the process of joining.

Each community has a sister who is responsible for relating with women discerning a vocation. The sister is called a vocation director (or similar title). The sister and woman may exchange emails or letters or have phone conversations. They may meet in person in the woman’s sphere of life or the sister’s or someplace in between. It all depends on what the discerning person is comfortable with. There should be no pressure here. Just some time, however long, to become acquainted with the sister and her community. The sister is also there to support the person in her discernment even if that discernment means connecting with other religious communities or even pursuing a call that doesn’t lead to religious life.

This is a wonderful time of exploration, discovering new things about oneself and God, feeling a little scared and excited at the same time, and striving to remain open to the Spirit, wherever the Spirit may lead.

This period of initial inquiry may lead to taking a completely new direction in life or it may lead to entering a more formal period of time in preparation for applying to enter the community. See the next installment on Aspirancy/Pre-Candidacy.

In my last post about Decoding Formation, I gave a very basic introduction to the idea of formation and discernment. Now here’s a little “behind the scenes” look at what it can sometimes feel like when you discover that maybe, just maybe, God is calling you to religious life.

It all starts with that tiny little part of you that decides that you are going to be open to God’s call. After that, it’s all over. Being open to God’s call sounds like a good and holy thing (and it is), but it can also be rather messy, complicated, and downright uncomfortable. God has this way of thinking that he is, well, God, so often his ideas are not exactly what I had in mind when I first decided to be open to him.

Like the whole religious life thing. Being a nun was not at all on my radar screen. I was taught by a few nuns and even had a couple nun friends … but I did not under any circumstances want to be a nun. So when I was confronted with the possibility (why? because I thought I was being good by trying the “open” thing), I kept thinking, “Who me?? What did I ever do to suggest that I’d think this was a good thing for me??” Turns out that being a nun was the best thing that could have happened to me. But it was a difficult process of letting go of my assumptions about nuns and religious life, coming to terms with my relationship with the Roman Catholic Church, overhauling my relationships with others, and taking a sober look at who I truly am. Even though the process was a bit rocky for me, I wouldn’t change any of it because it helped me to be more in touch with reality, God, myself and others. Even if I didn’t continue in religious life, it would have been one of the greatest blessings of my life.

The initial discovery of a possible vocation is not always this rocky. I for one went kicking and screaming, but others can be very welcoming of God’s call to become a religious. Either way, we all have to go through the process of finding a real answer to the question “who me?” for it forces us to think about how and why God may be calling YOU, not somebody next door, but YOU. That can be an awesome and terrifying thing. At the same time it can be attractive and joyful. These seemingly opposed feelings … terror (“No! Not me! Stay away!”) and attraction (“Yes, I’m kind of liking this. I feel peaceful.”) can happen simultaneously.

The key is to hang in there with all the questioning. Whether it results in a vocation to religious life or not, it doesn’t really matter (even though it feels like that is the main point). The fact is that God is calling you to a deeper relationship with himself. He is trusting that you are ready for this next moment in your lifelong adventure with him. Maybe ultimately you are being drawn to religious life. But what is so much more important than that is being drawn into a relationship with God, wherever that relationship may take you. Embrace the questions, live into the mystery, find a home for both the feelings of terror and attraction, pray, and see what today brings.

For the next installment in this series, click here: Decoding Formation: Initial Inquiry.

My good friend is preparing for her final vows so I’ve been thinking a lot about my own journey to final vows.

The basic elements of the journey of professing vows in religious life are not totally unlike those of the journey of professing vows for marriage. When a couple gets married they usually get engaged first. Engagement is a period of time when the couple publically pledges their commitment to one another, prepares for marriage, and continues to get to know one another more deeply. In religious life, the “engagement” period is known as formation.

Formation is a time when a person pledges their commitment to a particular religious community (that is, they are not still “dating” other communities or people, though they are free to leave should they choose to), prepares to become a religious within that particular community’s tradition, and continues to get to know the members of the community and herself or himself as well. Each religious community may have its own particular nuances to the formation process, however, the basis for the formation process is discernment and the pattern for formation is similar.

Discernment is the grounding of all major life choices, though often we may not be conscious of the fact that we are discerning. In general the term discernment refers to the process of “separating or distinguishing between” or “coming to know or recognize” (Merriam-Webster). In this context, the word discernment is used more specifically to refer to becoming aware of, learning more about, and embracing one’s life calling. Basically, as the Catholic Web site Disciples Now points out, discernment is nothing more than a “fancy word that means figuring out what God is telling us.” Discernment can refer to a particular stage — e.g., discerning a call to religious life — and it can also refer to a mode of being in the world — e.g., to be a discerning person.

A person who is considering becoming a religious (a nun, sister, brother, or monk) is in a discernment mode, that is, figuring out what God is calling them to in terms of making a life commitment. The whole process of formation is one of discernment as a person enters more deeply in relationship with and conversation with God. While discernment to enter religious life may technically come to an “end” when one professes final vows (you pretty much have a good idea of how to answer the question “is God calling me to religious life?”), discernment continues for the rest of one’s life as a person deepens their appreciation of that call or encounters new dimensions of that call or discerns “little” calls within the big call.

So that’s formation and discernment in a nutshell. In future posts I will unpack this a little more and write about the general stages of formation. For next installment of this series, Decoding Formation: who me??.

Questions, comments, queries? Comment or send me an email.