Yesterday I wrote about tips and ideas for giving gifts to nuns. I want to follow up with a post about receiving gifts.

Receiving gifts can be an art, especially when you receive something that is not quite what you wanted or you can’t use or that you just plain don’t like. It’s okay to admit this, folks. I’ve been reflecting a lot on this — not really in terms of receiving presents, but rather in terms of the things that happen in life that aren’t exactly what we want, but we must receive them, embrace them regardless of how we initially feel or think about them.

A recent event brought this home to me. While I was in New York City with Sister Maxine Kollasch, IHM, we stayed with a wonderful group of nuns. When we arrived at the convent late Sunday night, they brought us into the dining room and fed us. Even though it was nearing bedtime, all of the sisters in the convent came down to the dining room to meet us and to be with us while we ate dinner. It meant the world to Sister Maxine and me.

While cleaning up the dishes afterward, we noticed a HUGE tray of croissants in the kitchen. Seriously, they were giant croissants and there was enough to feed the convent for days. The nuns remarked that the croissants had been dropped off for them by a gentleman who brings them something every week or two without fail. Even after they told him to stop (”Enough!”) he still kept on bringing stuff — croissants, fruit, bread, sweets, and all kinds of wonderful things. Now the nuns didn’t really “need” the stuff, in fact it was more than their household could use. But these nuns understood something about the art of receiving gifts. They recognized that he was expressing his deep gratitude and his affection for them in this gesture. And I think they also knew that their receiving of the gifts was a gift in return.

I learned from these wonderful nuns about giving generously and receiving generously. The simple truth is that our gift-giving and gift-receiving ought always to be an expression of love, a love that is sometimes extravagant, sometimes “more than enough”. After all, this gift exchange is nothing other than a reflection of our God who is lavish in love of us, who goes to great lengths to care for us, and who cherishes us more than a thousand buttery croissants!

So it’s Christmas time or you know a Catholic sister who is celebrating her Jubilee or a special day. You’re thinking to yourself, What in the world do I get for a nun? Maybe she’s your child’s teacher or principal, or maybe she’s a coworker or mentor, or maybe she’s your cousin or aunt. However you know her, you’ve got yourself a quandary because she’s a nun. And nuns are different, right? They’ve got rules about stuff like that, don’t they?

First let me say that it is VERY thoughtful of you to consider giving a gift. Whatever you give, will be meaningful because it is from you!

By virtue of our vow of poverty and our community life, nuns live simply. We generally don’t have a lot of stuff nor do we need lots of stuff. But there is no rule against receiving gifts (within reason) for personal use or for the mission and life of the community.

Tips for giving gifts to nuns

1. Help out with Sister’s ministry.

Ministry is very important to sisters. We often sacrifice our own personal resources in order to further our ministry. Giving a gift to help support a nun’s ministry is a welcome gift indeed. For example, I personally don’t really need anything, but I’d gladly take anything (money, volunteer help, technical consultation) that can help further the ministry of A Nun’s Life. Most nuns that I know are like that because we love the ministry that we do.

2. Keep religious gifts to a minimum.

Now just because we are nuns and dig God and our Catholic faith doesn’t mean that we only like or want religious-type gifts. In fact, in an informal survey of nuns, most specifically said they do not want religious gifts. My guess is that religious gifts are the only thing that people think nuns can receive so nuns get tons of religious stuff. Nothing wrong with this, but just know that nuns can receive and do appreciate non-religious gifts too.

3. Give homemade gifts.

I personally cannot resist gifts made by children. So if you are giving a gift to your child’s teacher, catechist or principal, consider having your child make something. This tip qualifies tip #2 because while Sister may have what she needs in terms of religious items, a handmade gift from a child (yes, adults too) is precious.

4. Give something that Sister can share with her community.

By virtue of our chosen lifestyle, we are community women. We live in community, we pray in community, we discern in community, and we hang in community. So it’s nice when we receive a gift that we can share with our nuns. Maybe it’s a plate of homemade cookies, or a 3-month subscription to Netflix, or a gift certificate to a local restaurant. It might even be offering to help the community set up wireless Internet on their computer(s) or teaching them how to use the Internet or a particular kind of software. If you are handy, offer to sew or do light carpentry for the sisters. Such gifts are invaluable to us.

5. Donate to a charity or cause that is dear to Sister’s heart.

Maybe your nun has a passion for supporting the troops overseas or for helping adults learn to read and write. Maybe she does the 3-Day Walk for a Cure every year. Whatever it is, consider donating to that charity or cause.

6. Give the gift of an Amazon.com Gift Card.

I know it may seem impersonal to give a gift certificate, but seriously, it is a great gift because Sister can choose what she needs. Maybe it’s the newest hip-hop CD or a specific book that will help her with her ministry.

7. Give cash.

Nuns may never, ever tell you this themselves, but I’m here to tell you that nuns do appreciate cash. It can be used for whatever it is that they need or care about. It helps every so often to have a spare $20 or something to eat out one night or to pick up a new book or to get that runny sink fixed once and for all. Giving to Sister’s religious community is also a very good thing. Like all Americans, nuns are also feeling financial hardship and would greatly benefit from donations.

Nuns: write in the comments below your suggestions and ideas about gifts.