Can someone with a disability become a nun? For instance I am legally blind and about to reach the age were I can enter if I wanted to. Are nuns aloud to take medications? Because I heard if your not perfect in health they will reject people.

- Aarin

Dear Aarin, Thank you for writing. This is a tough one. Religious congregations do require a person to be physically and mentally healthy in order to become a Catholic sister or nun, but sometimes if a person has a managed illness or a disability they can still become a sister or nun. We are allowed to take medication for both temporary and long-term illnesses or conditions.

I think the main thing is that religious communities want to be sure that people are capable of living the mission. But words like “healthy” and “capable” mean different things to different people so it really depends on your relationship with particular communities. Some communities might not be able to handle it (i.e., don’t have the resources, or their mission is of a kind where a person couldn’t engage in it because of their illness or disability, etc.) while others might be able to.

There are a couple discussions about this that we’ve had on A Nun’s Life. You might find them of interest.

• Can You Become a Nun if you have a Chronic Illness?
• Chronic Illness and Becoming a Nun REVISITED
• Discerning religious life with persons who have a managed mental illness

It is very important to get to know a community and for them to get to know you too. Talk it over with the vocation director. Also, I encourage you to find a spiritual director to help walk with you as you discern how God is calling you. And do take a look through How to Become a Catholic Nun and maybe even consider joining the Vocation Forum here to chat with others who are thinking about religious life and how God is calling them.

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In the last post Make My Heart Simple, a conversation started around the verse, “I will give glory to your name for ever, for your great kindness is upon me: you have rescued me from the deepest depths.” (Psalm 86).

Many of us have been or currently are in those “deepest depths” … that place where life takes a different, often tragic, turn that we did not expect or particularly want. A sudden major illness or disability ranks right up there in this regard. Unfortunately (fortunately?) I know this all too well having had breast cancer almost 7 years ago and having a tough recovery for that first year or so.

After the shock of finding out about having cancer or going deaf or whatever it may be, it can be difficult (understatement!) to get a handle on one’s thoughts and feelings. Fear, anger, guilt, grief, bitterness, vulnerability, sadness and questions like “why me?”, “what do I do?”, “why if …”, “how can I live like this?” …. all these things can all come rushing in on us and can feel like they are crushing us.

Then there’s the question of God. Where does God fit into this? Did God “will” me to get sick? Is God responsible for this? Can I get angry with God or  yell at God for this thing that has happened? Do my feelings of fear, anger, or bitterness mean that I don’t trust God? Will God be with me through this?

It is totally okay to have these feelings and questions. Life just took an unexpected turn and even if things turn out okay and are “back to normal”, what you have gone through does change you irrevocably. Even though it’s been 7 years since I had my first surgery and then got the “all clear”, I am still dealing with how my life has changed — having breast cancer made me rethink everything — my perspective on life, God, myself, relationships and the whole world. And yes, I was bitter about the whole affair. I was young, I had fallen in love with the IHM life and mission, I was active in ministry, and then SMACK! Cancer. After the shock and just getting through the things that needed to be done, I was able to feel more — to feel scared, bitter, and heart-broken. I never blamed God, as I don’t believe God gives us things that hurt us, but I did wonder if any good could come of this. How could I live with something that God didn’t want for me and I certainly didn’t want for me either? Was it possible — really and truly possible — for me to not only cope but to fully embrace this?

There is a great quote from one of our IHM founders, Louis Florent Gillet, CSsR, that is a guiding lights in my life, and it has come to embody how I see God at work even in the midst of my struggles:

“I began without thinking of the future of the work, leaving it to God alone to bless and make it prosper, if it were pleasing to God and useful for the good of others.”

The message of this quote helps me to move through the anger and the grief to a place where I can truly embrace the thing before me (in this case, cancer) and trust that God will make good come of it. Doesn’t mean that God willed the tragedy or that God or I condone it. It just means that even in the darkest, deepest depths, God is there and finds a way bring good to me and to others.

As I write this, I am very much mindful of the tragic death of Natasha Richardson, of the sudden death of one of my friends’ religious sister, and of my own nuns who are living through cancer. Please keep these women and their loved ones in your prayers.

From what or whom do you draw strength when you are in the deepest depths?

A friend recently asked me if I know of a community for men that will accept people with mental illnesses that are managed? I personally do not know but thought that the “wisdom of the crowd” could help us out. Please respond with your suggestions. Many thanks!

I’ve touched only a little bit on the subject of religious life and persons wishing to join a community who have a managed mental illness. (See Can You Become a Nun if you have a Chronic Illness?, When a Sister is sick or dying …, and Chronic Illness and Becoming a Nun REVISITED.) As you can tell from my previous posts, it’s not a clear-cut issue. My general sense is that communities discern with candidates on a person-by-person basis. There is no absolute rule that says if you have x, y, or z illness you cannot become a religious. A lot has to do with how well the individual is living with it and to what extent the community has the ability/support systems/understanding to support the person. These considerations all takes place within the mode of discernment, of prayerfully and expectantly seeking God’s Word to oneself and also to the community.

While there may be some communities who are more open to discerning with persons with managed mental illness, all communities must be open to where God is calling them and to help persons discern their calling. I’ve seen wonderful generosity of spirit by religious communities who have discerned with a person even when it was clear that the person did not have a religious vocation with that community. These communities have used their wisdom and discernment expertise to help these persons come to a true sense of who they are and where God is calling them — in some cases that has been to marriage, missionary work as a lay person, college, or another community.

I look forward to your suggestions regarding men’s communities. Again, thank you in advance.

In response to my post Can You Become a Nun if you have a Chronic Illness? I received an email from Sr. M. Zita Wenker, OSB, a Benedictine sister who is a member of the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified, Monastery of the Glorious Cross in Connecticut. I asked her permission to post it on my blog because it is such a direct, honest response to considerations involved in accepting people with a chronic illness. It brings a new light to this complex and important issue.

1. As vocation director, it’s important for me to know exactly what the chronic illness/condition is, that someone has who is considering religious/monastic life. There are some illnesses that could be integrated into community living rather easily–someone with a heart condition, for instance, knows what her limitations are, and as long as she gets adequate rest, takes her meds, and exercises common sense in what she does, it could be very workable. Of course, this assumes that the community is willing to take her condition into consideration, and would not ask some work she couldn’t do. On the other hand, I’ve seen women with such severe allergies that they spend most of the day preparing their own special diet, or staying out of any place with dust, mold, mildew, etc. This kind of condition would be next to impossible to integrate, at least into any community I know of.

As far as I know, there’s no community that will accept women with mental illness of any kind, or those with the likelihood (from family history) of developing it in the future. Any candidate has to be well-balanced psychologically and emotionally. (God help us all! We joke that if we were applying today, we wouldn’t be accepted!!!)

Back to chronic illness–a few women with fibromyalgia and/or chronic fatigue syndrome, seem able to manage it well. Nevertheless, I suspect it would be rather hard in community, where everyone is expected to pull her own weight. Again, it would depend on what the community is willing to do—to what degree it can stretch. In my experience, we’ve had to say no to women with cerebral palsy. Some are so afflicted with it that normal conversation isn’t possible. Others have much milder cases, and may perhaps be integrated, but still–in our experience we’ve had instances of psychological problems surfacing years after entering, in some women who have CP. To what extent it’s due to the CP itself, I’m not competent to say. We also refuse women with multiple sclerosis, or other neurological conditions that would get progressively worse. Whether a community could handle the repercussions of accepting such women would depend on the various communities–we are small, and can only handle so much. A larger group might be able to do it.

2. My community is one that is open to women with certain physical limitations: blindness, deafness (although this is a challenge for the person and the community), polio and its after-effects, arrested TB, heart problems, diabetes—these are some of the conditions our members have. We are the Benedictines of Jesus Crucified, Monastery of the Glorious Cross, 61 Burban Drive, Branford, CT 06405. We are a monastic community, with no outside ministry.

An apostolic community that accepts women with disabilities is the Sisters of the Lamb of God, in Owensboro, Kentucky.

The Visitation Monasteries may be open to some women with chronic illnesses, depending on what they are. The various monasteries probably have varying criteria, so anyone interested would have to try one by one.

A group that is not a religious community, but is a “pious union,” is the Franciscan Missionaries of Jesus Crucified. They welcome women (and men, for that matter) with chronic illnesses.

My community offers the possibility of becoming Oblates to those who are interested in living according to our spirituality, but in their own homes, marriages, jobs, families, etc. Some of our Oblates are physically handicapped and many are not. It’s not a factor, as long as they want what we have, and understand what becoming an Oblate entails. A lot of communities have Oblates, third orders, associates, affiliates, etc. These can sometimes be a route for women who might not be able to be fully accepted into a community.

I hope this is some help. Please visit our web site at www.benedictinesjc.org.
Sr. M. Zita Wenker, OSB

In her email to me, Sister added that the following:

Some apostolic communities are beginning to be more open to women with certain chronic conditions, although of course they have to be careful too. Sometimes not being able to do everything that is expected of all members can eat away at a person’s self-esteem and self-worth.

If you have any questions for Sister M. Zita, please let me know and I’ll forward them to her or feel free to write to her at the snail mail address given above.

In my last post “Can you become a Nun if you have a chronic illness?” I received some good feedback from Lisa about the different ways that chronic illness can be understood. Lisa also suggested that I balance out the post by writing about the fact that “if people become ill once in community, particularly post perpetual profession, the community stands with them and does not ask them to leave.”

When a person is fully a member of a religious community, the community is with her 100%. Should she become physically or mentally ill or whatever, the community takes care of her and does not abandon her. She is still a vital member of the community even though she may have to find new ways of expressing this.

Let me give you an example of a sister who was cared for by the community and who, down to her last breath (unable to communicate well or get out of bed), was a vital member of the community. I remember a day when one of my dear IHM sisters was sick and dying. Normally when a sister is dying, there are always sisters sitting vigil with her. Our nuns make sure someone is always in the room or nearby so the sister is not alone. So this one day I went in to see my dear sister Mary Ann. The sister with her graciously left so we’d have some time alone together. I went to her bed and just held her hand and talked to her. She was not really awake and I wasn’t sure if she knew I was there. She didn’t open her eyes or make any response. I wanted to be strong for her as she had always been for me, but I just couldn’t muster up any strength. So I started praying the Hail Mary aloud. Amazingly Mary Ann, in a barely audible voice, said a few of the phrases of the Hail Mary. At that moment I knew that of course she knew I was there and with what little breath and energy she had, she consoled me — she was still being there for me, comforting me like she always did when things were tough. I stayed with Mary Ann a while longer, just sitting in vigil with her. It was one of the most grace-filled moments of my life. Mary Ann died not long afterwards.

The community takes care of one another in sickness and in health. We stand with one another, not always perfectly, but with great love, care and affection. Even when a sister is dying, she can be a source of life and energy and love for all those around her, the sisters, the housekeeping staff, the family members, the health care staff. Everyone. Although being sick or having a serious chronic illness isn’t the same thing as dying, the way we care for one another is the same. It isn’t always pretty being sick, but it is a true blessing to have sisters who care so deeply and would move mountains for you.

I was recently asked this question and have struggled with how to respond to it. A little wisdom from the sisterhood would be most welcome!

Most if not all communities require physical and psychological “healthiness” as part of the process of becoming a sister. The community wants to ensure that the person is fit to live the community lifestyle and mission. The community also wants to ensure that the person is in a position to best live out her vocation and use her talents and gifts.

Having a serious illness can be a very consuming thing. It can affect how one gets through the day, who one interacts with, how much one does, etc. Living with a serious chronic illness can therefore be perceived as a limitation (debatable). On the other hand, people with a serious chronic illness often have a unique insight into life, God, and the world that granted is forged in the fires of hell but nonetheless is an invaluable gift to the world.

So what happens when a person with a serious chronic illness feels called to religious life? How do communities handle this? I think in general we tend to discourage such persons from entering — is this the result of discernment or discrimination? I know that sounds harsh, but people with a chronic illness (or any illness for that matter) have long been discriminated in our society. As women religious we really need to examine what we are doing and why. Not being a formation director or in community leadership, I don’t know all the factors that go into discernment with persons. I trust in their wisdom. Still, my heart breaks for people with a chronic illness who feel called to religious life.

So my questions are these: