Hi Sister Julie,

If I told you the complete story how I found this web site you would laugh! Let’s just say I was on Amazon looking for some books about the question below which lead me to St. Teresa of Avila, then here. God bless the internet!

To put my question in context, I will briefly explain its origin. I grew up Catholic (parochial school, altar boy, etc) and have had a persistent calling since early adolescence. Regardless, I shelved my spirituality during the teen years. Now 34, it’s growing again.

I am hoping you could recommend a source to help me have a deeper understanding of the Eucharist and what it means during mass. I have a Catechism and I think I understand the literal meaning-from a 30,000 foot view, but sense a huge gap in spiritual connection. I’ve been praying, begging, consulting, and have been attending mass stubbornly in spite of lack of “scope” in my understanding. I am not hoping for a mystical experience (I don’t think that highly of myself!), but a greater respect and awareness of what happens during mass. Hopefully my request isn’t laced w/unrealistic expectations of you, but I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t hidden from most people and that you may have encountered this search before-maybe personally? Am I approaching this incorrectly? Could it be a matter of 100% faith, regardless of depth of understanding or feeling? Sometimes I think God hides things from me so I don’t screw it up-you know, like heavenly Special ED. I’m not whining-just eager.

Thank you for sharing your time,
Dan

Dear Dan, I was delighted to read your comment, both because of how you found me and because of the way you explained your experience and desire. I also hear a bit of myself in you.

You well expressed that sense of being attracted, drawn in by something that is incomprehensible, something that doesn’t easily yield its secrets, yet is compelling nonetheless. I guess it’s no wonder why many of the truths of our religion are called “mysteries of faith”! But because it’s a mystery doesn’t mean we have to solve it or figure it out but to embrace it. Live into the mystery. Allow it to embrace us. (I’m a big fan of Thomas Aquinas and Karl Rahner’s theology of Holy Mystery, so I had to get a little of that in.)

That being said, there’s lots we can do to better understand things like the Eucharist and what’s happening at Mass. Though these are more intellectual exercises, they affect our spirit and faith and help us grow in our relationship with God and the people with whom we worship. One of my favorite books on the Mass is Joe Paprocki’s book Living the Mass. Another thing that I have personally found helpful is praying with the Scripture passages about the Last Supper. Sister Barbara Reid, OP, has a nice piece in “Scripture from Scratch” (2002) on the Last Supper.

Ultimately, the words of one of my IHM nuns keeps ringing in my ears as I think of how to respond to you: “Ride the saddle easy.” I know, not the most spiritual saying, but fitting I think. When you are at Mass, remember that the whole liturgy is a celebration of dying and rising, of bread and body broken, of wine and blood outpoured. It’s in the people praying around you, in the priest and liturgical ministers, in the wood of the pews and the glass of the windows. Give in to that sense of dying and rising, being broken and made whole. You are participating in the very life of Jesus the Christ!

Ride the saddle easy: don’t try to make a mystical moment happen or expect a clear understanding of what is going on. The experience of the Eucharist at Mass and in other incarnational moments in daily life will draw you into a fuller meaning. And, as I noted above, a little spiritual reading never hurts!

Blessings to you, Dan. My prayers are with you.