I am sure Caroline Flack thinks it was kind of clever to declare herself a nun after rumors about her relationship habits. Flack, the TV cohost of “reality companion show” The Xtra Factor (another Simon Cowell production), reportedly tweeted, “Decided I won’t make eye contact with a male human being again. Going to become a nun.” (source)

But you know, Caroline, many have tried to pull the nun card when they were in similar situations. Think Sinead who got married shortly after making her nun declaration. Think Emma Pooley (one of your country women) who declared her cycling fail to riding “like a nun in a habit”. In fact there was even a Facebook group dedicated to people declaring their nunhood after a bad relationship, too many relationships, or no relationships at all! Dear Natalie Portman and Heather Graham have also wrangled with nun-related issues.

Sure it’s a fun publicity stunt to draw attention, but in the meantime, you manage to reinforce a rather disrespectful stereotype of Catholic sisters and nuns. It sounds something like this:

• “My boyfriend/girlfriend left me so I’m going to become a nun.”
• “Since I can’t get a man then I guess I’ll become a nun.”
• “If I’m not in a relationship (or several) then I must be a nun.”

Basically being a nun is equated with not having a romantic relationship or not having sex. Never mind those pesky distractions like prayer, mission, ministry, and community. Consecrated celibacy, which is what we Catholic sisters and nuns profess, fits into a whole life commitment that is dedicated to God, and it is an adventure the likes of which would blow your mind!

I encourage you, Caroline, to understand what a nun’s life is really like before you make comments that are inaccurate and disparaging. Perhaps then when you declare yourself a nun, it will be because you have reached beyond yourself to help another person, or because you have immersed yourself in loving kindness, or because you have noticed the great beauty in your life and in the world around you.

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Join the A Nun’s Life Community for prayer at 6 p.m. CT in the chat room today. And don’t forget! Tomorrow is Ask Sister where you and Caroline can ask any question you’d like about being a nun!

As a celibate, non-sex-having, vocationally-engaged person, I was intrigued by and a bit apprehensive of an article by Jamie Manson entitled Celibacy: Neither healthy nor helpful for the future of vocations in National Catholic Reporter (March 11, 2010).

Although Manson states somewhat parenthentically that she is “not suggesting that celibacy is wrong or unhealthy” and that “for some individuals, this choice is very life-giving”, I get the distinct impression from the entire article that such a choice would be fundamentally against the very nature of “today’s young adults”. Hmmm.

At the old age of 38 and a member of that old-fashioned Generation X, you can take my two cents for what they’re worth. First I concur 100% with the universal call to holiness. There is no such thing as a “higher” calling. You can slap the label “consecrated” or “ordained” or whatever on the calling but it’s still not any better or worse than any other calling. However God calls you is what is most fulfilling for you. True, we still have many remnants of pre-Vatican II ideas and those continue to affect how people understand their own calling and that of others.

I feel badly that Manson and others continue to experience an undervaluing of their desire for a “healthy, loving, committed sexual relationship” and their desire to devote their lives “to the service of the gospel”. But I don’t think changing a recognition of the value of celibacy in consecrated life is going to change that. I think that the problem is that the church (magisterium and people of God) hasn’t yet fully committed to the idea of the universal call to holiness. Even Manson herself seems to feel that the only way that people can be recognized as seeking “a healthy, loving, committed sexual relationship” and “being fully and authentically committed to bringing the life of God into the world” is through consecrated life. Otherwise, why the concern about being “banned” from consecrated life?

I guess I’m confused a bit (which happens at the old age of 38) because I fundamentally agree with Manson about vocation and calling, but there are so many negative celibacy over- and undertones in the article that I’m left wondering (a) if she really understands celibacy (celibacy is a far richer concept and experience than simply not being involved in a sexual relationship) and (b) what she’s really trying to say. Is it that religious life, consecrated virginity, the eremetical life, and other forms of consecrated virginity should lift the celibacy requirement?  Is it that there should be an additional form of consecrated life that recognizes the value of sexual relationships? Is it that the church still has a long way to go in truly promulgating the universal call to holiness? Is it that celibacy is fundamentally unnatural for young people today and into the future? Is it that celibacy’s only value is for the quirky few who find it life giving?

Well, those are a few thoughts from one quirky Gen X-er. What do you think?

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Join two celibate women and others for prayer tonight at 6 p.m. Central Daylight Time at http://aNunsLife.org/LIVE (note: due to Daylight Saving Time our broadcast has shifted to UTC-5)

Celibacy is a way of life for Catholic sisters and nuns as well as for religious brothers and monks. But what is celibacy and how does one live celibacy, especially in a society that can be both sex-obsessed and a bit prudish about sex?

Before talking about celibacy, I think it’s important to point out that celibacy is not a condemnation or rejection of sex. And celibacy (as well as sex) relates to a lot more than the physical act of having sex. “Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others. (Catechism) Also important to note is that there is a difference between celibacy and chastity.

Okay, so celibacy. I’m responding in part from a reader’s email asking for a post on celibacy — not just an “academic” approach to what it is but sisters’ own personal witness to the celibate life.

As she noted, it’s not all that often that we celibate folks talk about it from a personal standpoint. I think mostly that’s because it is has to do with one’s sexuality and is indeed personal. Still, since celibacy isn’t mainstream, I think it’s important that we do talk about it with some degree of candor while also respecting personal boundaries. I was blessed to have a couple nuns whom I could ask any thing and it was through their own experience and witness to celibacy that I could find answers to my own questions and carve out a way of understanding what God’s particular call to me.

The only thing I knew about celibacy in religious life, prior to knowing my nuns, is that it meant NO SEX. It was something that was half-admired, but also half-mocked. Are nuns celibate because they “can’t get a guy” or because they are sexually repressed? Is it a special calling for only the holiest of holies? Does God give nuns a gift of not having sexual urges? None of those things particularly appealed to me or applied to me (I did not imagine myself to be particularly holy) so I never thought that lifelong celibacy would be my particular calling.

In grad school when I first began thinking about religious life (and resisted being attracted to it) I got to know more religious — women and men who were celibate. They didn’t strike me as repressed people and seemed to have a healthy sense of self and other. They were not “holier than thou” people, just ordinary women and men serving God.

Long story short, I became more open to the idea of celibacy and now I’m celibate for life.

My witness to celibacy is more than just not having sex, it’s about being free. An important “ah-ha!” moment was watching Dead Man Walking and the scene where Sister Helen Prejean talks about why she became a nun and chose not to be married. There was a sense that her not being attached to one single person or one single family allowed her to be free to go where the needs were. It made a huge impression on me. I began to realize that as big of a deal it was to commit to no sex it was a bigger deal to commit to the positive life stance of being free to serve wherever God called.

I know you probably have some questions so I’ll end here with this quote:

“Life is not all about sex.”

Samantha (Kim Cattrall) in a Sex in the City episode

I am a little late writing my post today because I have a couple of my friends visiting from Monroe. I tried to get one of them to write a post this morning, but sadly, coffee had not yet been fully absorbed in her system. The girls are on their way to Racine, Wisconsin, for a sex workshop. Okay, that may be a little too sensational of a description, but it makes for good reading. Seriously they are attending a workshop on psychosexual development for men and women in formation from a variety of communities in this area.

It’s been great hanging out with them. Last night I took them out for Thai food (vegetarian Pad Thai is AWESOME). When we got back to the convent (Chloe the Convent Cat had everyone’s bed ready but I think she ate the mints on the pillows) we each had some work to do. It was actually quite funny because I looked up at one point and the younger one was sitting in her flannels knitting and our veteran sister was reading the NY Times online from her Mac laptop. The juxtaposition of young knitter and older Internet surfer made me laugh!

This morning we enjoyed coffee together and chatted about IHM community life and other verities of life. It’s so good to have my nuns here. I love to see how our IHM charism incarnates itself in each and every nun and how she uniquely expresses that common charism.

So now I must go before they get too absorbed in double yarn overs and Persepolis. Got to get them on the road so they don’t miss out on the sex workshop!

Big news it seems in the entertainment world. Natalie Portman has been outed as having turned down the role of a young nun in the movie Doubt because she couldn’t wrap her head around the character being celibate. Playwright John Patrick Shanley explained: “We asked Natalie Portman, and Natalie was very interested but kept saying she had a problem. And we finally nailed down as to what the problem was: she basically said she didn’t understand celibacy.”

As you might suspect, I have a few words of wisdom for Natalie, as well as for Amy Adams who eventually took the role. Celibacy, my friends, is not an easy thing to understand especially in our society, but it is worth wresting with.

First things first: celibacy is basically abstaining from sexual relations. For people who take a religious vow of celibacy (as Catholic sisters and nuns do), the meaning of celibacy goes deeper than “merely” not having sex. Don’t get me wrong, not having sex is a significant choice and is not for the faint of heart. But it’s more than that for nuns. When we profess a vow of celibacy, we make a conscious choice of how we want to BE in the world, how we want to comport ourselves and how we want to relate to people and to the world. It means that we choose not only to not have sex, but also to not engage in sexual activity or to have “romantic”, exclusive relationships.

Whereas a married, sexually-active person gives herself/himself to a spouse and to a family, a nun gives herself to her relationship with God which is expressed through her relationship with her religious community (her “family”) and her mission (the way she serves the world). Being celibate leaves a nun “free” to go where God and her community calls her to go (having children and a spouse can make this more challenging). There’s also a counter-cultural dimension to the vow of celibacy. A nun testifies by her life that sex is not what it’s all about. Yes, sex is good, but even for healthy, sexually-active people, it doesn’t define a person nor constitute who she or he is.

Celibacy is not all that a nun is about — there is much more, though celibacy is definitely the first thing that might hit you! Celibacy is lived within a community of sisters who support one another in this lifestyle. We also profess the vows of poverty (simple living, holding all things in common) and obedience (to God and to the mission of the Congregation) which combined with celibacy shape a nuns life and help her live her life-long commitment to God, her sisters, and the world.

There’s lots more to say about living celibacy as a nun, but I’ll stop for now with an invitation: if you are considering playing a Catholic sister and nun, don’t get hung up on the celibacy part of it. It’s worth wrestling with and you can always come by A Nun’s Life for some insight and advice!