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Of Grasshoppers and Choices
Summer Day
Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
~ Mary Oliver in New and Selected Poems (Boston: Beacon Press) 1992
Indeed … what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Becoming a nun was and is my answer to this question! How about for you? Or are you still wondering?
(more on the Pulitzer Prize winning poet, Mary Oliver)
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What will I be when I grow up? Hmm. I’m 61. It’s ever evolving, and hopefully still on the right track .
Although the nun thing is the overarching way I answerd this question, the answer is always being lived into and evolving, as you noted, Kathy.
by being your authentic self, you give others the permission to be their authentic selves…
That is what I do with my wild and precious life… or, rather, one way…
Thank you Sister Julie, your site gives me great things to think about and it a soft and comforting spot in my hectic and often scary (although in a good way) life.
Thank you.
My answer like your was to become a sister. No I find myself journeying with others who are trying to find their own answer to the question. It’s an amazing privilage that that keeps me in touch with that pivitol period in my own life all the time. God’s plans are beyond our imaginings!
Its true… these grains of sand – they keep collecting. I used to pray… well, I used to talk to Jesus a lot. Tell Him about stuff that’s happening in my life. Ask Him before making decisions etc. I loved it and just thought it was the way to do things. It was good for me.
But the truth is….. the grains kept collecting…. and little by little, we dialogued and I regularly went to Him for discussion and comfort. But NOW He’s calling me to something bigger…. (well, atleast I think He is)…. and I’m scared… but that grain of communication has led to this… and what better way to live this precious life than the way He who created it, wants us to live it…..? Still, I have doubts and I’m scared…. Oh help!
Dear Rosemary, I’ve felt that way too in my life. One little bitty grain of sand doesn’t seem so extraordinary or powerful … but over time they do collect and it’s like WOW! … Feeling, sensing God’s call can be pretty awesome as in terrifying!! The great prophets talk about a sense of being attracted to God’s calling at the same time that they are terrified by it. “Fear of the Lord” — doesn’t mean a servile fear but a deep awe. Hang in there … I know it may feel uncomfortable, but when things are in disarray it can mean the Spirit is active in re-ordering our lives, guiding us to what God is calling us to. Though you may have doubts and fears, hold on to your hope and love and trust that God is taking care of you. My prayers are with you, Rosemary. Sister Julie
Thank you so much Sr Julie. Your site has been a great comfort in many ways. One of them being that I realise that I’m not the only one who’s ‘crazy’. I have come a long way since my first feeling of the call…. and continuing to trust in Him. Sometimes though (well, many times) I wonder if I’m fooling myself and this ‘feeling’ – is it me or is it God? Still, I go ahead. The prayer you posted of Thomas Merton was AMAZING and a huge comfort. Thanks again… will remember you also in prayer.
It took an illness to nudge me into facing being respectful of the gift of a wild and precious life. Here I am at 50, about to attend undergraduate studies after completing 1 1/2 years at a technical college. It started by holding a paintbrush that had a mind of its own. And coming to realization of unexplained wonders and the desire and need to follow.
No Sister Julie, I am not wondering any longer. Although I don’t know where my studies will lead, I just know that it is the right thing to do.
When I read this poem a few weeks ago it truly struck a chord! What a gift from Mary Oliver.
That is wonderful, Janice! I am so happy for you and wish you all the best.
S.Julie,
I am so glad I stumbled on to your blog,had to be divine intervention.It really is great to find out there are older people like me still going through discernment,but that feeling has never left me,and I’m thinking about acting on it for a change.I just don’t know,Rosemary said it great.I finally was able to tell my friend who is as close as a sister (relative kind) to me. That was a big step!I’m hoping I finally can figure this out.It’s not like I can’t make decisions,I make big decisions daily in my line of work,just the “call” question been the stumper.If you have any good ideas how to solve this,drop me an e-mail,Thanks!
You are most welcome here, Sue! I’m proud of you for taking that step. It is a big deal when you are able to verbalize it to someone who really knows you. What you said about being able to make big decisions in one area of life and then having to make a decision like this — very well said because many of us feel/have felt that way. This is a decision about you, about your whole life, and encompasses all the other decisions you’ve made — and will make. So it’s okay to feel stumped! At the same time that it is a major decision, it’s also one that you can say a “little” yes to each day and grow into. The fact of the matter is that you’ve been saying “yes” to God already for some time now. In your desires, in your yearnings, and even in your sense of being stumped … you are drawing ever closer to God. My prayers are with you Sue! Sister J
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