Mary Oliver’s poem “The Summer Day” has been following me around the past few days like a small child asking to be picked up and held for a while. Here are some of my thoughts …
There are the big decisions we make with our life — becoming a nun, marrying the love of your life, going to college, raising a child — these decisions dramatically change our lives, help us grow into who we are. Then, there are the (seemingly) not-so-big decisions, the little grains of sand that slowly, imperceptibly change our lives. Days, months, years later we look and Behold! — a pearl.
What are these things, these grains of sand that transform seemingly miraculously? Maybe it’s the way my Aunt Elena used to take me for hikes when I was younger and explain to me each little creature we met — a tree, a bug, a mound of dirt, a fawn tucked in the forest shadows. That little grain of sand has been transformed over the years of my life and become an essential part of who I am and how I see the world.
Maybe all life decisions — even those big, dramatic ones — originate from a tiny grain of sand tucked away in the oyster shell of our heart. Maybe we know it’s there but pay it little attention. Maybe we have no idea it’s there until something outside of ourselves bumps into it — the wise word of a friend, a painful break-up, surprising generosity, soul-searching depression. Who knows? Somehow — even in spite of ourselves — that innocuous bit of sand becomes a pearl, a pearl of such great value that you’d give up everything for it.
Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant searching for fine pearls. When he finds a pearl of great price, he goes and sells all that he has and buys it. (Matthew 13:45-46)
"She wrote the way she lived: on the fly, without retrospect, always on the way, climbing higher."
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
DJC 02.20.08 at 7:18 pm
Very nicely expressed. The older one gets the more Pearls we find in our life.
A lovely memory of your aunt.
Anne-Marie 02.21.08 at 9:32 pm
Sister Julie, thank you for this. I love your writing, but this post spoke to me especially.
Jen 02.23.08 at 8:01 pm
You posted this a day after I had an “Ah Ha” moment. About six months ago (before I started discerning) someone asked me what my dream was. I laughed. “Seriously,” they said. I said, ” I am realistic. I don’ t have dreams.” They encouraged me to purchase the “The Dream Giver.” For some reason, something made me purchase the book, even though I didn’t believe I had a dream. I got the book and the corresponding journal. I read about 4 chapters and then got fed up with the book, not being able to see my dream. A few months later, when I started discerning I picked up the empty Dream Giver journal to write about my discernment journey. Just last week, it hit me. Maybe I finally found my dream…to be a sister. I picked back up the book again and began to read it, seeing many correlations with discernment.
So, in some way that conversation was a grain of rice that turned into a pearl.