So it’s Christmas time or you know a Catholic sister who is celebrating her Jubilee or a special day. You’re thinking to yourself, What in the world do I get for a nun? Maybe she’s your child’s teacher or principal, or maybe she’s a coworker or mentor, or maybe she’s your cousin or aunt. However you know her, you’ve got yourself a quandary because she’s a nun. And nuns are different, right? They’ve got rules about stuff like that, don’t they?
First let me say that it is VERY thoughtful of you to consider giving a gift. Whatever you give, will be meaningful because it is from you!
By virtue of our vow of poverty and our community life, nuns live simply. We generally don’t have a lot of stuff nor do we need lots of stuff. But there is no rule against receiving gifts (within reason) for personal use or for the mission and life of the community.
Tips for giving gifts to nuns
1. Help out with Sister’s ministry.
Ministry is very important to sisters. We often sacrifice our own personal resources in order to further our ministry. Giving a gift to help support a nun’s ministry is a welcome gift indeed. For example, I personally don’t really need anything, but I’d gladly take anything (money, volunteer help, technical consultation) that can help further the ministry of A Nun’s Life. Most nuns that I know are like that because we love the ministry that we do.
2. Keep religious gifts to a minimum.
Now just because we are nuns and dig God and our Catholic faith doesn’t mean that we only like or want religious-type gifts. In fact, in an informal survey of nuns, most specifically said they do not want religious gifts. My guess is that religious gifts are the only thing that people think nuns can receive so nuns get tons of religious stuff. Nothing wrong with this, but just know that nuns can receive and do appreciate non-religious gifts too.
3. Give homemade gifts.
I personally cannot resist gifts made by children. So if you are giving a gift to your child’s teacher, catechist or principal, consider having your child make something. This tip qualifies tip #2 because while Sister may have what she needs in terms of religious items, a handmade gift from a child (yes, adults too) is precious.
4. Give something that Sister can share with her community.
By virtue of our chosen lifestyle, we are community women. We live in community, we pray in community, we discern in community, and we hang in community. So it’s nice when we receive a gift that we can share with our nuns. Maybe it’s a plate of homemade cookies, or a 3-month subscription to Netflix, or a gift certificate to a local restaurant. It might even be offering to help the community set up wireless Internet on their computer(s) or teaching them how to use the Internet or a particular kind of software. If you are handy, offer to sew or do light carpentry for the sisters. Such gifts are invaluable to us.
5. Donate to a charity or cause that is dear to Sister’s heart.
Maybe your nun has a passion for supporting the troops overseas or for helping adults learn to read and write. Maybe she does the 3-Day Walk for a Cure every year. Whatever it is, consider donating to that charity or cause.
6. Give the gift of an Amazon.com Gift Card
.
I know it may seem impersonal to give a gift certificate, but seriously, it is a great gift because Sister can choose what she needs. Maybe it’s the newest hip-hop CD or a specific book that will help her with her ministry.
7. Give cash.
Nuns may never, ever tell you this themselves, but I’m here to tell you that nuns do appreciate cash. It can be used for whatever it is that they need or care about. It helps every so often to have a spare $20 or something to eat out one night or to pick up a new book or to get that runny sink fixed once and for all. Giving to Sister’s religious community is also a very good thing. Like all Americans, nuns are also feeling financial hardship and would greatly benefit from donations.
Nuns: write in the comments below your suggestions and ideas about gifts.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Annie 12.16.08 at 9:12 am
Well, I know what I’m giving you….a parking ticket!
You’re welcome.
I think it’s funny that people tend to give nuns religious gifts! That never really occurred to me. I never really thought of nun gift-giving as much different from any gift-giving. I figured it would just really depend on the relationship you have with that person – you wouldn’t give a teacher what you might give your sister, if those two people were nuns.
Pat Farrell, OP 12.16.08 at 9:14 am
Thanks, Julie. This is great! Of course I don’t see here the wonderful birthday or feastday cards that have post-its attached where a signature or name would go, so that the sister recipient can give the card to someone else. Those are classic!
Another Sister Julie, CSSF 12.16.08 at 11:46 am
Favorite gifts:
1. Alternative Christmas gifts (I always get a card saying that a bunch of bees were given to some poor farmer or a pound of nails was donated to Habitat for Humanity–love it!) or some other charitable donation.
2. A hot-stone massage gift certificate–ahhhh….
3. Anything pratical, like something to share with my students (stickers, a book for the class library, a science kit, etc.) or with my sisters (like bringing over dinner, arranging local tours to see the harbor lights during the holidays or the spring flowers in the desert or ???)
4. Gift certificates to help support my hobbies, like art & crafts or computer supplies, movie passes.
You have to watch out about giving cash. Some orders require the sisters to turn in any and all money (which is fine bc the community provides for us), but they don’t hae the same policy for gift cards. Then there are other orders (I know of one here in So. Cal.) where what you buy for one sister must also be bought for all the sisters. One family wanted to buy their daughter a pair of slippers, and they ended up having to buy 12 more pair for the others sisters in the convent!
Not-so-favorite:
1. Anything personalized or engraved.
2. Chocolate covered cherries!!!
Sister Julie 12.16.08 at 12:32 pm
Good point about the cash, Sister Julie CSSF. In that case gift certificates are a good one.
Pat, I had never, ever encountered that phenomenon until I entered the community. It is one my most favorite practices just because it is so odd and so nunny!! Yet, it’s eminently practical and environmentally conscious!
Annie, I forgot to mention that nuns frown upon receiving parking tickets.
(FYI … reference to Facebook application called Parking Wars)
Kazimer 12.16.08 at 12:49 pm
I’d like to say that home-made baked goods are a neat idea : Christmas cookies, coffee rolls, bundt cakes and so on.
For example, in keeping in the spirit of this entry , I gave a friend of mine – who happens to be a priest – pre-made butter cookies in a tub.
His mother used to make them and I recall him talking about how he loved them especially since she used real butter.
The pre-made tub part made it easy for him to enjoy these cookies –bringing back fond memories of his mother and when he was a boy–plus he didn’t have the mess or time of making them–just put whatever amount desired on a cookie sheet and bake.
I’m thinking this idea would go over well with nuns/sisters too.
Sr Anne 12.16.08 at 1:19 pm
Brava, Sr. Julie! Things we can share with the community are most appreciated–from a fruit basket to a bottle of decent wine.
May I underscore the (ahem) bookstore gift certificate idea. We always need new books, whether for spiritual reading, pleasure, professional expertise, recipes… Any major bookstore will do (Borders seems to be in trouble, but they give a generous discount to educators); I myself am also not ashamed to recommend (or receive) a Pauline bookstore gift card!
Sister Julie 12.16.08 at 2:03 pm
Thanks, Kaz … mmmm …. coffee rolls!
Ever the marketer, Sister Anne! Good job. For those who would like to get a Pauline bookstore gift card, go to the Pauline website.
marla 12.16.08 at 5:35 pm
I don’t know how many of you have bookstores that take trade but, being poor myself, I gather all my gently used books and take them in for credit and pass that credit on to my favorite Sister. She then uses the credit for books as she needs or wants, and she can use a tiny bit at a time or all of it at once.
Annie 12.16.08 at 5:42 pm
The card thing…if someone wrote the card for you, then wouldn’t you want to keep it? Unless they only signed their name on it, which in that case that’s not much of a card! I guess I’m confused.
Susan Rose, CSJP 12.16.08 at 8:11 pm
Great Post!!!!!! I will be cross posting this to be sure (and maybe linking on facebook for those family & friends who find themselves in a quandry!).
Lisa 12.16.08 at 8:27 pm
This is a great post. You really give insight into the fact that Sisters/Nuns are ordinary human beings
christine, OP 12.16.08 at 9:58 pm
Fabulous post with right on ideas and suggestions! I also find postage stamps a great little gift.
And I too love the post-it in a card kind of card – a gift that keeps on giving: I appreciate the sentiment of the card, and often the second post-it with a personal message on it, and then I am delighted to have a nice card to send on.
Sarah 12.17.08 at 4:15 am
Personally, I’ve found it tough since I entered the convent to keep my possessions to a minimum. I think it’s wonderful that people are so generous and I love them to bits but I have to re-gift otherwise 1) I’d have more stuff than I need and I choose not to have that and 2) I’d have to spend more money on gifts, or not give them.
I’m planning in the new-year to become a gift-free zone… well, at least with people who I know and love enough to ask them to agree to that (both giving and recieving).
I’m still learning about the vows but it seems that, for me, poverty is about choosing not to be part of that big comercialised, money driven, possession driven culture. So, if you must give something physical then socks & undies are welcome, or clothing that’s long-lasting or a new hair-brush. But I’d much prefer you make me a card, or spend some time with me and/or God and/or yourself!
Sister Julie 12.17.08 at 5:26 am
Annie … on the topic of “the card thing” … The card comes to you with nothing actually written on it … both the envelope and card are blank. But there is a post-it note stuck on the inside with the person’s greetings. So you then keep the personal post-it note (if you want) and have the card to give to someone (or keep it if you’d like). It’s like the gift that keeps on giving. What I usually do is take the personalize post-it note and stick it in my prayer book reminding me that the Sister is with me in prayer.
Stamps are a GREAT idea … especially when a nun celebrates her entrance to novitiate, first/final profession, or jubilee — we’re going to send out thank-you cards and having the stamps is so helpful and thoughtful!
Sarah … excellent points about living simply. On one level it is true that we don’t need a lot of physical stuff and we do want to live counter-culturally. At another level we can’t really control what people want to give. Oooh, I have a story about this. Will write it in today’s post.
BarbaraKB 12.17.08 at 6:46 am
I believe there is an assumption that, because a person is in a religious community, they are not allowed to accept any sort of gift. This post (and comments) do a great job of clarifying gift-giving along with very *practical* suggestions for gifts. Thanks, Sr. Julie!
Sharon 12.21.08 at 3:10 pm
I enjoyed reading here, I wanted to be a Nun when I was growing up but things didn’t work out. Now I am just praying a lot, I wanted to give something to our Nuns locally but didn’t know what. Now I have some idea’s so , Thank You ! God Bless.
Rebecca 12.22.08 at 7:54 am
I’m still thinking about what to give to nuns I cherish… Er…
siobhan 03.20.09 at 8:04 pm
I am really stuck i really need help my aunt is a nun in ireland she is the most thoughtful giving amazing human being i know she has attended every religous event for every family member and is always there she remembers everyones birthdays and calls everyone on every holiday…her golden jubilee is coming up we are all flying over to ireland to attend it and we want to give her a gift she will really appreciate we are all having such a hard time with it we dont know what to do we dont want to give simple gifts because its her GOLDEN
Sister Julie 03.21.09 at 4:13 am
Dear Siobhan, Thanks for writing. The fact that you are all flying to Ireland is an AMAZING gift in itself. That is going to mean more to your aunt than anything. Because we are nuns and because of the life we’ve chosen, there’s really nothing fancy we need. And, we hold all things in common, so we appreciate stuff that benefits our community too. For example you might try to find out if the convent she lives at could use a new TV for their living room. Or sometimes I’ve heard of families giving a nun two round-trip tickets for her and a companion to visit someplace. If she loves reading and tech stuff, get her a Kindle. It’s stuff she could use and share but isn’t something she might normally spring for herself. If you have specific ideas, feel free to float them by here.
Sr. Liza 03.21.09 at 7:35 am
This is a fun topic. A Sister could say so many things and experiences they have with gifts. In my years as a religious, people usual give me Virgin Marys. You have no idea how many I have already. Through out my life as a religious, I have left a “trail” of Virgin Marys. (I feel a book coming on).
Of course, I spread them around. Many of the houses I have lived in, have at least 2-3 Virgins I have left behind. At work right now, I have two in my office and I am sure the number will increase by the end of the year. Mary and I have had our chats about this and we have had our chuckles together.
With my family and close friends, when they say to me, “hey, we would like to get you something, what would you like?” I usually tell them, just something practical I or my house can use, your choice.
So then their next question is always, “what is practical?” I also remind them that I move a lot. So small size is always appreciated. So as Sr. Julie has mentioned above, can be cash, practical gift card, something practical for the house, etc. “Practical”, “simple”, “small”, and “useful” are key words that can help people with “nun gifts”.
Living simple is our way of life and a gift in itself. When moving to my next house, I always know that down in the basement, I have to clean out the collection of Virgin Marys.
MP 04.09.09 at 8:43 pm
I came across this discussion while looking for a gift idea for a young woman in my parish who is entering a convent soon. I knew that sisters often appreciated cash. I gave a sister I once knew some cash and a bottle of wine each Christmas. She would share the wine with all the sisters at their Christmas dinner. I tried to think of something she’d enjoy, but couldn’t spend money to buy.
Bridget 04.14.09 at 3:04 pm
I think it post is GENIUS!!! I have a nun that I do a lot of ministry with and she’s going to do a reading at my wedding so I wanted to get her a gift. It post has given me lots of ideas when, prior to reading this, I was stumped! I think I’m going to get her either a decorative cookie basket to share with her community or a nice pen with her name on it, since she work in an office.