Heather Graham and bad girl nuns

I think Heather Graham needs to raise the bar a little on how she wants to live her life. I look at her comments more as someone who is shallow and a poor role model for young girls. If she thinks it’s all about looks and short skirts where will she find her strength when faced with life’s problems.

We had an interesting discussion here recently about what it is to be counter-cultural. If to be counter-cultural means to choose a way of life which differs from that which might be considered normal – such as the pursuit of money, sex and freedom – then nuns are surely counter-cultural. It’s a fact of life, I’m afraid, that cultural institutions such as the popular media will deride those who don’t conform to their norms. But take heart, Sr Julie – I doubt that the peddling of stereotypes by the popular press will influence anyone who has given any thought to the life which you have chosen. My impression, here in secular Britain at any rate, is that most people admire those who have chosen the Religious life – if only because they admit that they wouldn’t stand a hope of aspiring to it themselves

I think we are all called to be counter-cultural (in the world but not of it) and so I applaud all who enter the Religious Life for following the call of God and their own hearts to something that is often derided by the media. However, most people I speak with and work with deride the media far worse than they deride any of us, so I think it’s amusing when what they put out there is thought to be the popular image of Religious, or Priests, or anyone who is called to be holy, and by that I mean they are living the life God gave them to live to the full, be that married, single or Religious. For God’s sake – literally – let’s all just be Real. As I heard it said long ago – “you were born an original, don’t die a copy”. Thanks Sister Julie for commenting on this ridiculous perception of Religious – I concur with Christopher – everyone I know respects and admires you all.

Sister Julie–

Your comment about the “bad girls” entering the convent brought to mind the movie, “The Trouble With Angels.” Hayley Mills is the hell-raiser at a girls Catholic boarding school who, at graduation, decides to enter the order. While a comedy (and probably a dated one at that; the film was made in the mid 1960s), it has several serious moments. There is one scene where, if I remember correctly, Hayley Mills looks out her window to see one of the sisters praying outdoors. The music accompanying this moment is very touching and reflective (the film score was written by the late Jerry Goldsmith, one of the masters of his art); it is as if Hayley Mills’ character has realized she has a vocation.

Irene – one of my favorite lines fom the Trouble with Angels is the “good” girl to the “bad girl” when she decides to enter …. “You’re going to make one crazy nun!.”

But really, I’ve found that the women who have chosen to live this life fully are a little bit crazy, in a good way. Working for peace and justice, standing in solidarity with the poor and most vulnerable, living “counter-culturally” and hopefully in tune with the Gospels.

Heather … don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!

Peace,
Sister Susan Rose, CSJP

Sister Julie,
I certainly understand how you feel about the stereotypes of religious life seen so frequently in the media because it is just about the same what is done to the nursing profession by the media.Some people who have only been in nursing for a short time have actually said when they’ve been given an assignment by me as the supervisor”this is no fun,where are all the fun people.like E.R. or House?”I always ask,you’ve gotta be kidding,right?When I get the emphatic NO,I say if that is why you got into nursing,you just may as well leave now,because the 2% of nurses/doctors who are like House/E.R. don’t keep their licenses long enough to see the reality of nursing which is nothing like the media portrays it.Nursing is hard work,both physically&mentally,and the people portraying nursing as well as sisters,and many other professions so poorly wouldn’t be able to do the job for even a shift.It’s possible that the medias portrayal of nursing plays a part in the huge nursing shortage in this country.After all if you go into nursing looking for what the media says is “the norm” you will not last very long!

marla… I agree… Heather Graham WISHES she was cool enough to be a nun.

About a year ago, I met a nun who told me “when I told people that I was entering after high school, no one could believe it. I was a wild child.” This always makes me laugh. Yes, she’s still tearing it up fighting/supporting/advocating for the causes she believes in.

The stereotype that nuns are dour/docile/etc. isn’t definitely detrimental to the image of religious life. Not only does it misinform non-Catholics, but Catholics too. There are many people of my generation who have never had real interaction with nuns. The nuns they know are from tv. My best friend (who was raised Catholic) never met a nun until she worked at a day camp at a motherhouse. She thought all nuns either didn’t talk/have emotions/etc. or were like the negative portrayals in media. That was 3 years ago. I’m still trying to set her straight. I think the media overrides what so many people assume about nuns and encourages negative stereotypes.

Sr. Julie– you really should invite Heather Graham to learn what a nun is really like.

SisterJ, I agree that inviting Mrs. Graham for a retreat would be an awesome thing to do. Whether she accepts or not is not the point – extending the courtesy would be an open door to possibility of dialogue.

I thinkyou could invite Heather to dinner, followed by a rousing evening of recreation–Wii, cards, joke night, sing-a-longs, whatever your sisters do for fun. I remember hearing a lot of raucous laughter in the background when you filmed your sisters answering questions from us last year. You IHMs certainly know how to re-create!

Graham told the Daily Star: “When I was a child my parents threatened to send me to a convent. I’d have made a terrible nun.

Does anybody actually believe that people can be “made nuns” against their will?

It took me several years of discernment and completing requirements in order to be accepted. So many people seem to think that women just show up at the door of a convent and when the door closes “forever” they are somehow instantly transformed into nuns, having their will, intellect, hearts and souls supressed.

Let’s pray for a better portrayal of religious life in the media.

I think the book, The Nuns, by Marcelle Bernstein, written in 1976, did a very good job of describing the breadth of Catholic female religious life- from contemplative orders to sisters standing in protest lines with Cesar Chavez.

Here are two great, albeit dated, articles about the portrayal of nuns in the media: http://www.medialit.org/reading_room/article189.html

http://www.medialit.org/reading_room/article190.html

There was an organization started in the 1970’s, called the National Sisters Communication Service, that was staffed by professional sister-communicators, who monitored and assisted the media in their portrayal of sisters. Unfortunately, I believe it no longer exists (although many of its records were donated and are archived at the University of Missouri).

Unfortunately, it is in the nature of human beings to stereotype, and in the big scheme of things, although not condoning the stereotyping of religious sisters, it certainly is not as drastic as the common imagery given to other minority groups or certain professions (as noted by Jane’s psychiatrist and this writer- a lawyer).

Best regards, wishes and prayers to all-

David

I liked the portrayal that Minute Maid did of the nun. It got rid of the stereotype of “that all nuns wear habits” not to mention other stereotypes “that all nuns are ugly” and “that all nuns are old.” And also, the very common stereotype “nuns become nuns because they can’t get dates.” This commercial just shot down all four of those! That makes me very happy. So I give the commercial two thumbs up.

In the overlap of the two posts (Heather Graham and the book Lying Awake, I am following along and appreciate these perspectives.

Barbara, I appreciate very much what you say: “I read it as a book of FICTION, as Sister Julie pointed out…. He was not writing a vocational pamphlet and authors do twist realities (as they understand them) to make a literary point”.

Your statements work very well for me when I make the following substitutions:

****”press interview by actress, aka theatrical artist” for “book of FICTION”

and

*** “writing” for “acting”

and

“she/her [Heather Graham]” for “he/him [Mark Salzman".

Then, regarding Heather Graham's two brief comments about herself,
"I read it as a press interview by an actress [theatrical artist]…”

and she playfully referred to her own apparent Catholic upbringing and identity to tell a story about herself, about the persona she is trying to sell since her profession involves the use of self.

“She was not writing a vocational pamphlet and [actresses - theatrical artists] do twist realities (as they understand them) to make a [theatrical] point.

There is no material difference, in my view, between HG’s use of common “nun narratives” and Mark Salzman’s use of common “nun narratives”. I am a fan of a form of essay called “creative non-fiction” (David Sedaris is master, for example), and the social worker in me believes that is what HG what up to: a brief creative-non-fiction oral essay about herself.

What ***is*** is different is the response elicited here by these different creative, liberal use of “nun narratives” and the stereotypes implicit and explicit in those narratives. I have all kinds of questions about that (my analytical brain always has questions about everything; I am the person here who has said I often evaluate life in terms of “is there a PhD dissertation question buried somewhere here?” and then I fantasize the next seven years of my life devoted to that question) and you all don’t need to hear all my questions.

I do think I may have hit on what is troubling me about this whole thing and it has bothered me at other times.

What is the spiritual value of focus on others’ narratives about self?

I have tried to identify something in the Gospels that helps me understanding the spiritual “good” in concern about self and image such that HG’s two quips about self resulted in the response it did.

Should not our responses TO something ABOUT religious life BE, in fact, religious life?

I could find nothing that helped me discern the spiritual value in the censure here of Heather Graham’s “creative non-fiction” that employed common nun stereotypes to make her point.

What I did find was Jesus speaking in the Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are those who are persecuted in my name”. People were going to tell a bunch of nonsensical stories about them such that would be persecuted even to the point of death. And they were to go on about their business, the business of love, forgiveness and salvation, the mothers of all “big pictures”, even with their persecutors.

My stepmother teaches 3rd grade CCD and, in a dialogue this spring on the triune God, a child asked, “Why does Jesus pray then?” Her response was gorgeous: “Because Jesus did everything to show us how to love OUR lives”.

Jesus did not dis the Romans were about to kill him, who were going to kill his apostles in their effort to kill Jesus’ ministry of love, forgiveness and salvation. Jesus did not dis people who persecuted God. The apostles learned not to dis people who persecuted God. And we’re dissing HG for saying “I’m too sexy for your convent”?

Who are we?

Jean