Celibacy in the City

I must admit I never found the idea of living a life with no sex un-appealing, mostly because I am asexual, so I have, since I can remember, admired the lives of sisters and nuns, but have never saw them as ‘holier than thou’, they’re just normal people. I do get annoyed when there is an assumption that people who follow a religion are seen as anti-sexual (for people who have had bad experiences with religion, this is understandable), I grew up viewing my religion as openly erotic, and so though that I look on sex a beautiful gift to be celebrated. It isn’t for me, but I still find sexuality very interesting, and would regard myself as a sensualist, I love art and that is where I feel I can express myself fully.

Last April we offered in our monastery an on-going formation workshop for English-speaking Redemptoristine nuns. My presentation concerned the vow of chastity and my title was “Love Changes Everything – The Vow of Chastity: A Promise of Radical Availability.” You can see, just from the title, where my personal approach to this vow takes me. But here is the part that speaks to celibacy:

“While every vocational choice of the baptized person requires obedience to faithfulness and the poverty of simplicity, the call to celibacy is unique to religious vocation. Chastity appears first in the list of vows in our Rule. One of the most prominent scholars of religious life today, Sr. Sandra Schneiders, IHM, sees this vow as primary to religious life, a symbol of the call to exclusive relationship to Jesus Christ. She defines consecrated celibacy as “the freely chosen response to a charismatically grounded, religiously motivated, sexually abstinent, lifelong commitment to Christ, externally symbolized by remaining unmarried.” So it is freely chosen. It is a gift of the Holy Spirit. It is a promise freely made because I choose to make the relationship with Jesus primary in my life.

“But the kicker is that, even with the call, even with the freely chosen response and with years of living the celibate life, we remain sexual beings. The vow does not turn that off. Not only do our bodies continue to act and respond in ways appropriate to our sexuality and gender, our minds and our psyches may have to revisit, from time to time, the hard reality of saying “No,” to sexual intimacy and procreation. In our inter-novitiate class on the vows, Sr. Kitty Hanley, CSJ told us, “It is not a question of what you will do if you fall in love but rather what you will do WHEN you fall in love.” You might say, “Oh well, that doesn’t apply to us cloistered nuns. We don’t have the access to people that active religious do.” Well, I don’t believe that. We see priests, spiritual directors, doctors and physical therapists among others. We also live with other women on whom we can develop a teenage crush kind of thing. I have not had the experience of living with much younger new members but I imagine that adding them into the community mix can make for some interesting feelings in either direction – an older sister drawn to a younger one or a younger one idolizing her role model.

“And then there is the physical reminder that can come now and then or more often; a physical sensation that serves to announce that I am still a female, a normal woman, embodied in the flesh and hard-wired for physical intimacy, mother nature’s way to preserve the species and give joy to the heart. Having the sensation does not sully my promise. Having the sensation is not a sin. It is as value neutral as any emotion. The real issue is “What do I do with this?” Is it an opportunity to put myself down or to feel guilty? Or is it an opportunity for awe and wonder at how beautifully we are made? And is it another chance to reverence my promise, the exclusivity of my relationship with Jesus Christ?” (for complete presentation visit Monastic Musings)