Continuing my reflections on Saint Teresa of Avila …Teresa was in the convent school with the Augustinian Nuns (see previous post) for about a year and a half. She says that although she grew closer to God, “I still had no desire to be a nun, and I asked God not to give me this vocation” (Life 3.2). But, she notes,
“By the end of this period of time in which I stayed there I was more favorable to the thought of being a nun, although not in that house, for there were things I was afterward to understand were most virtuous that seemed to me to be too extreme…. These good thoughts about being a nun sometimes came to me, and then would go away; and I could not be persuaded to be one.” (Life 3.2)
I love Teresa’s honesty here. I think many people struggle with their vocation (not just to religious life). For some, they know clearly what they are meant to do; but for others like Teresa (and myself), it’s not immediately clear. We have to test it, wrestle with it, ponder it, and ultimately live into it. No one way of discerning is better than another. Somehow or another we end up where God is calling us, though it may be a matter of moments or years. It is so important to hang in there and to continuing to pray and to serve others. Flash of light or cloud of unknowing? — which image fits your experience of finding your vocation? Or what other image fits for you?
Archived Comments
- October 8, 2007 at 8:40 am
-
Flash of light, Sister Julie. The Lord took me completely by surprise. It was an absolute, “Who, Me?” moment. It still amazes me!
- October 8, 2007 at 9:46 am
-
Looks like I may be destined to forever sail / float around on a cloud of unknowing, with the only thing keeping me sane at times the knowledge that others have passed many years in similar situations and the good Lord has looked after them just like the lilies of the field and the birds of the air.
- October 8, 2007 at 1:41 pm
-
Great post. It inspired one of my own.
- October 8, 2007 at 2:01 pm
-
Hmm… Cloud of unknowing with tiny, tiny glimpses of the sun behind.
- October 8, 2007 at 2:03 pm
-
Right back at you, Susan Rose … great post.
- October 8, 2007 at 2:34 pm
-
I am not a very subtle person… The Universe knows that I often put my head through the brick wall before I remember to look for the door that is right there. So, more than just a flash of light… it’s more like a biff to the back of the head. LOL
It’s more of an ability to look back at something and realize how any particular situation has helped me be successful in this (any particular) situation. The pieces fall into place and from the hindsight I have been able to see the ‘signs’ of being led which make it easier for me to see the signs AS I am being led rather than from hindsight.
As I am sure you will agree, Sister Julie, there isn’t a final AhHA! and then you are done. Each moment is being led into being a better and more complete picture of potential.
It reminds me of a conversation I had… we were talking about society falling down around us… in the movies the hero runs off to make things better… but someone has to stay behind and cook dinner that night or figure out how to make the area safe for those left behind. Not everyone gets to build the Ark… some of us have the honor of feeding the builders… it’s not as “glamorous” as being a religious or being the hero of the movie or building the Ark… but those things are just as vital and just as important… and just as much a part of the Plan as anything else….
- October 8, 2007 at 3:08 pm
-
Yes, Elizabeth … Whatever our vocation is (religious life, teaching, parenthood, caregiving, priesthood …) is the most important for it is God who calls us to it and it is thing that leads to our own fullest human life.
- October 8, 2007 at 4:44 pm
-
Mine was definitely a flash of light. I felt like I was eavesdropping on a classmate’s own Call when she announced that she would be entering the convent after high school. I had no plans after college, and her simlpe statement sounded soooo right to me. Of course, this was a week before graduation, so the vocation director (who happened to be my homeroom teacher) told me to go ahead and go to college as I had planned and to get back to her in a year. Well, by that time I had found out that there were more than just two orders of sisters in the world (the PBVMs that taught me in elementary school and the CSSFs that taught me in high school), and that I wanted to shop around a bit. She said to get back to her in another year. Well, my sister was getting married at the end of that year, and I still hadn’t found the AHA moment is deciding which order. I told God that, if He still wanted me, He had better tell me which order by the time my sister got married or the deal was off. On the day of the wedding, the priest that officiated at my sister’s wedding asked me which order I would be entering, and I said that it was either the Felicians or the Carmelites. He said, “Oh! The Felicians….” He said something, but I couldn’t hear him. The heavens were opened and the heavenly choirs began to sing. AHA! And then to demonstrate that He meant business, God made sure I caught the bridal bouquet!
30 years later, I’m still here.
- October 8, 2007 at 7:41 pm
-
I’m not sure about the cloud of unknowing, but I do not receive many sudden flashes it seems. I think of my response to God as something like being a very complex 1000 piece puzzle of some beautiful landscape scene. When we are living as “normal” everyday laity in the workaday world we tend to clutch this prized puzzle close to our hearts, cherishing the fact of its completeness and the lovely picture on the box, the pieces rustle excitingly and we dream of the day when we will sit down to put it together…we dream about putting it together ourselves.
Then something begins tugging at the box, as if It was wanting to hold it too. We grip it more tightly and resist the unseen tug… our beautiful puzzle must be kept safe from harm or it will be ruined! Still the box seems to be pulled by some strange force beyond our control, we grip it for dear life and look desperately around for a clue as to who is upsetting our dreams. This is perhaps the moment in our life when we wake up and see that it is God asking us to surrender our lives to Him fully. It is possible to cling to the box…to fight God off and cower away in protective anger…only to find that when the day does arrive when we have the time to open the box and examine the pieces, they are all blank, and the picture on the cover was all we will ever know…
Real joy comes from letting go when the pull comes…to allow the puzzle to slip from our grasp and spill out in a shower of colour for all the world to see…and then allow God to begin arranging the pieces for us. To look with delight as the picture of our life mysteriously takes shape every day…a piece fits in over here, and then two or three sections go together, another piece ties in here, and pretty soon the desire to try and put all the pieces together ourselves, always waiting for when we have enough money, or for when we retire, or when the kids are in school, or for after we’re married…pretty soon those desires become like so much dust in the wind as the sheer joy of being caught up in the creative moment happening to us and in us!
My journey is learning how to let go…to allow God to put the puzzle together in His way and His time to work our His purposes and bring Him pleasure. Like an alabaster box of perfume broken and poured out in abandon… That is all.
- October 9, 2007 at 4:46 am
-
I’ve enjoyed Br. Dominic-Michael’s thoughts on this. – I think the jigsaw analogy works very well and I’m glad he specified it as a landscape scene ‘ a shower of colour for all the world to see..’ Man at his best.
- October 9, 2007 at 6:19 am
-
Julie, CSSF — isn’t it true how those flashes of light can be the oddest, most seemingly simple moments of life, that just seem to spontaneously burst into light. God uses any and all things to get our attention sometimes!
Dominic-Michael, OHS — wow! what a lovely image, my brother. Sometimes it can be tempting to toss the pieces back in the box, to remain content with the picture on the box and not the actual pieces of our life. Thank God that God is always moving us keep the box open and to allow him to move through our life.
- October 9, 2007 at 11:03 am
-
Sr. Julie and Ann, Jesus so often used parable in explaining/describing life… painting word pictures that help us get a new perspective… I’m glad you found it helpful.
