IGF058 In Good Faith with Sister Barb Giehl - Sister of Mercy, Mother, Grandmother

Sister Rejane  
This is In Good Faith, a conversation about living faith in everyday life. I'm Sister Rejane of A Nun's Life Ministry. Our guest today is Sister Barbara Giehl, a Sister of Mercy of the Americas. Sister Barbara just made her first vows in September 2022 and lives and ministers at the Mercy by the Sea Retreat and Conference Center in Connecticut. Sister Barbara grew up in Rochester, New York, where she encountered both the Sisters of St. Joseph of Rochester, and the Sisters of Mercy. She was taught by sisters during grade school, high school and nursing school, as well as working in the Sisters of Mercy motherhouse. Sister Barb was drawn to religious life in high school, where she began a pre-postulant program with the Sisters of Mercy. But once she began nursing school, she told her formation director she needed a break, but would be back. Little did she know but that break would last over 40 years. She met, fell in love, and married her husband Jerry, and they had four children. Barb stayed connected to the Sisters of Mercy through the years and eventually became an associate of the Mercies. Five years after her husband passed away, the thoughts of religious life returned. Barb is clear that religious life isn't a good retirement plan. It has been a journey of one "yes" at a time. She is exchanging the values of owning property and being in charge of her own life, for living in community and discerning with God her life's direction. She is also clear that she was able to weave her family and community relationships together in a joyous balance and is so grateful that she is honoring her call to religious life. Welcome, Barb.

Sister Barbara  
Well, thank you. Thanks for having me.

Sister Rejane  
Yes. And congratulations are in order. You just made your first vows last September, correct?

Sister Barbara  
I did -- September 10. That was a great day.

Sister Rejane  
That's wonderful. I did actually see part of it on the YouTube that was recorded. And, you know, the one thing I really loved is, as Mercies, you take a fourth vow. I think our audience knows poverty, chastity and obedience. But I wonder if you could tell us a bit about the Mercies’' fourth vow. I just think it's lovely,

Sister Barbara  
We take a vow of service to women and children, and people who -- the term is ignorant -- to serve them and to provide what is needed for them in any way that we possibly can. For a lot of Mercies, that is a vow that is attracts them to the community, this this vow of service. And it's something that I am very proud of, to be part of the community that would consider that in their vows. It's always with us and always part of everything we do.

Sister Rejane  
Yes, I just love that it's publicly announcing that you're here for others, right? In that sense of service. Beautiful, because oftentimes we think of poverty, chastity, obedience within ourselves, in our relationship with God, or within our community. And we have to do a lot more explaining that it's also for service of others. So I just love that it's announced that way.

Sister Barbara  
Especially if you’re poor and sick or sick or ignorant, or all of the above. Those are really what we focus on.

Sister Rejane  
Sure. And tell us what your ministry is right now. What are you doing these days?

Sister Barbara  
As of September 11, I joined the staff at Mercy by the Sea Retreat and Conference Center in Madison, Connecticut. It is a retreat center that we have had for over 50 years. It's a place for people to come and to be fulfilled spiritually any way that they need.

Sister Rejane  
And you're by the water are you not? Or close to it?

Sister Barbara  
We are right on the water. We have 39 acres right on the beach front of the Long Island Sound.

Sister Rejane  
Okay, I'm a little jealous. I'll tell you why. I was about 30 miles by water away from you one point in my life. I worked with the Passionist priests and brothers on Shelter Island, which is nestled between the forks on Long Island at St. Gabriel's Retreat Center. I did that straight out of college. I was there for nine months, working with youth and high school students doing retreats. We would take the ferry to Greenport and then Greenport would take you up to New London, Connecticut. So I never made it to Madison, but I am jealous because I miss being by the water.

Sister Barbara  
Oh, you come any time!

Sister Rejane  
Okay! [laughter]

Sister Barbara  
It really is very, very beautiful, any time of the year. There's just a feeling of serenity here. When you walk on these grounds, you just know you're on holy grounds. It's great place for people to heal or just to be any way they need to be.

Sister Rejane  
Right. Right.

Sister Barbara  
I'm very, very fortunate.

Sister Rejane  
Yeah, that's what I loved when I did retreat work too. It worked so well for me as well, that peacefulness, just kind of absorbing it.

Sister Barbara  
It's a great place to be. You know, Mercy is very steeped in hospitality, and it's a great place to be able to offer that Mercy hospitality to anyone who comes on or grounds.

Sister Rejane  
Yeah, that's wonderful. Well, I think we're gonna back up in time now. Let's talk about when you first began thinking about a vocation to religious life. I know you've had an unconventional path. But it's wonderful.

Sister Barbara  
[Laughter] That's the term that's used. Well, actually, I met the Sisters of Mercy as a very young child, and I won't go into that whole big thing. But my grandmother lived next door to someone who was an aunt and uncle to a woman that came from Ireland, and she was a Sister of Mercy. And so I met the Sisters of Mercy very, very young in my life. I was always very drawn to Sister Bridey. Her name is Sister Mary Bride Clare, and I just loved I loved being in her presence. I spent a lot of time in my grandmother's, because I was an only girl and I had five brothers. So I think my grandmother used to try to save me.

Sister Rejane  
I can imagine. [laughter]

Sister Barbara  
So anyway, whenever Bridey was around, she would invite me over, so I kind of got to know her. And she just was a very happy and really fun person for me. I was educated by the Sisters of St. Joseph of Rochester for grammar school. And then when it came time for high school, I just felt really, I guess I didn't realize it then as an eighth grader, but I felt very called to go to Mercy High School. And logistically, it was much more challenging than going to the Sisters of St. Joseph school. But I pursued and ended up at Mercy High School in Rochester, New York. And I think it was probably my junior year that I started feeling the possibility of being called to religious life. While I was in high school, I had to work for my tuition, to work off tuition. And I worked in the motherhouse kitchen, cooking. I worked on the motherhouse switchboard. And I got to know the sisters in a different way than just as a student and realized how just normal they were. Just normal people. And kind of could see what their lifestyle was like. So I started feeling called to religious life and at that time, there was a program called a pre-postulant program that I think some orders had. So I joined this pre-postulant -- it was actually, I think, more of a pre-formation program.

Sister Rejane  
Okay.

Sister Barbara  
There were other women, and we would go off on retreat every couple months and meet with the director. I actually did that for four years until I was about 20. And when I was in college, I decided, "You know what, I am way too young to be making this decision." But still felt very called to religious life. But just felt, "I can't make this decision at this point." But I remember saying to my vocation minister -- we took a walk. And we were at the end of a road sitting on this big, big boulder, both of us crying as I was saying I was going to take a little break, but I wouldn't be back. I said, "Don't worry, I'll be back. My plan is to come back." Well, never in a million years would I think it would be 43 years later. And she actually -- when I re-entered, she was still alive. She did a reading at my entrance.

Sister Rejane  
Oh my gosh.

Sister Barbara  
Yeah. So.

Sister Rejane  
What is her name?

Sister Barbara  
Sister Marie Joseph Crowley. She went home to God last year. So she wasn't there for my profession. But she was there for my entrance, which really meant a lot to me. So that was that was really the beginning. So after I took my little break, I met my husband -- who actually was in the seminary at the time. And we became friends. And I had actually left my formation process. And then at some point, he came and told me he was no longer pursuing priesthood. I think kind of the neat thing about that is I don't feel guilty because he didn't leave for me. And I didn't leave for him. So there was none of that.

Sister Rejane  
Sure.

Sister Barbara  
We each had made independent decisions. And we were friends. And we ended up falling in love, and got married. We were married for 31 years. While I was married, I became a Mercy Associate. So I stayed very connected to the order. I had a lot of friends that were in the order. And I think one of the really, really touching things for me is that when I made the decision no longer to enter religious life, my friends that were sisters stayed friends. I just wasn't dropped on the side, you know?

Sister Rejane  
And these were the people you were in that pre-postulant, pre-formation? Or were there other ones?

Sister Barbara  
I don't think any of them were. I think it was people that had entered ahead of me.

Sister Rejane  
Okay.

Sister Barbara  
Like Marie Joseph stayed connected. I was in nursing school, about two hours away from Rochester, and she would come down and visit every once in a while. She actually did a reading at our wedding. People just stayed connected. And then I was offered the opportunity to look into Mercy Association. At that time, I had four children. And they were little -- four kids and six years, so it was a pretty busy time in our lives. And someone called me and told me about Mercy Association. I remember my first response was, "Oh, my God, I don't have time for any kind of a club."

Sister Rejane  
Right! [laughter]

Sister Barbara  
They were like, "Just come and see, just come and see." And when I did, I actually said yes, that I would go through that program. And what I didn't realize is how much I was missing in my married life that formal connection to Mercy. And once I became an Associate, that created that for me. I felt like I was back home again. And so I was an Associate for 27 years. I actually was director of Mercy Association for Rochester for five years. So I stayed very connected to the community.

Sister Rejane  
I think some of our audience may not know a lot about Associates and how they interact and hold that charism, but within a different way of life.

Sister Barbara  
So Mercy Association is very active within the Sisters of Mercy. We have lots and lots of Associates. I loved being a Mercy Associate. We make a covenant, to support and be part of the Mercy charism and what the community is doing and there's different ways of living that out. Some associates like to volunteer and kind of do things. Others are involved actually with the community and attend things -- like we used to be able to attend, when it was local, Chapters and community meetings, and just be kind of woven into the community. Taking our covenants very seriously. Initially, when I became an Associate, we renewed our covenant yearly. And then we were actually invited to make a lifelong commitment. When I entered the community I was found that I was kicked out of Association. I couldn't do both.

Sister Rejane  
Oh! [laughter]

Sister Barbara  
One or the other, I was told. [laughter]

Sister Rejane  
You're either a vowed member of the community, or a covenanted member. You can't be both.

Sister Barbara  
Yeah.

Sister Rejane  
We are going to take a moment for a brief break. This is In Good Faith, a program of A Nun's Life Ministry. We want to thank our sponsors and individual donors like you, whose support makes the In Good Faith program possible. Please visit anunslife.org for more information, to make a donation, or to become a sponsor of the ministry. We will be right back.

Welcome back! I am Sister Rejane of A Nun's Life Ministry, and my guest is Sister Barbara Giehl. You can find past episodes of In Good Faith, and all our podcasts at anunslife.org, and on all the major platforms where you get your podcasts.

Sister Barbara  
So we were married 31 years. My husband, in his final years, actually ended up teaching at Mercy High School, where I had gone to school. And his parents ended up living in our motherhouse receiving long-term care. So we were very connected. My kids were very connected with the house that I affiliated with. We used to spend Thanksgivings together -- we always have a Thanksgiving dinner at our house and the sisters that I affiliated with would come. My in-laws were at the motherhouse. Our kids were used to going up there and visiting their grandma and grandpa. So they just became very intertwined. My husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2009. And passed away nine months later.

Sister Rejane  
Sorry.

Sister Barbara  
Thank you. It was a really, really tough time. I would say probably about four or five years later, I started getting this very strange urge -- I don't know, I guess a poke or something. I'd wake up in the morning, and I'd start thinking about religious life again. I kept telling myself, "You're just crazy, you're lonely, you don't know what to do with yourself." And so I would pack it away for a while, and then it would pop up again. So it was nothing I ever, ever thought about while I was married. And never ever, ever had any idea that this is how life was going to kind of play out. So it just reached a point where -- I am a person that, I always feel like if I don't ask, I'll never know the answer. I was so sure the answer was going to be no. I've heard people say to me, "Oh, you're so brave. You were so brave." Well, I don't really think I was so brave, because I was sure the answer was going to be no. But then I'd have my no and I could just go on with life. You know, I had Mercy in my life. And I was happy. So I put the question out there. And after some time, I was told, yes, I could begin the process. So then I had to kind of figure out what the heck am I going to do with this? And what have I done with my life -- or to my life?

Sister Rejane  
So it kind of turned things upside down?

Sister Barbara  
It did!

Sister Rejane  
Because you were expecting the no.

Sister Barbara  
I think when I asked the question, I was 58 years old. And you know, there's a guideline with the Sisters of Mercy that you know, it's for women under 45.

Sister Rejane  
Right.

Sister Barbara  
And so I knew I was way out of the normal range. And, you know, why would they take an old lady like me. [laughter] So I really didn't feel like it was a big risk. But then I could put it away and just go on. Sure. So when the yes came, then I had to decide what the heck I was going to do with that. And I think probably the best advice I had gotten was -- you know, I'm a person who always looks ahead to the end, what am I trying to reach. Of course, I start looking at perpetual vows and final vows. I just finally pushed myself back. I remember meeting with the President of the community and saying, "I'm going to say yes to this." And the first step was to start meeting with the spiritual director for a year to try to figure out what the heck it was that I was being called to. And so I met with a spiritual director. And then I also met with the president of the region that I was living in monthly, and we would we would just talk. By the end of the year, it was really clear to me: I felt I was really being called to religious life. I didn't know how it's all gonna unfold, that's for sure. I had no idea.

Sister Rejane  
But you had that strong feeling. And you had done that discernment.

Sister Barbara  
Right.

Sister Rejane  
Okay.

Sister Barbara  
So then I started a formal discernment program. And I did the same thing: not really looking ahead, but just trying to walk through that discernment.

Sister Rejane  
And what did that formal program look like?

Sister Barbara  
Meeting with a vocation minister. And my vocation minister was actually from Maine, and I was living in Rochester, New York. So we would meet halfway, we would meet usually once a month, or maybe once every other month, Sister Dale Jarvis. And so we would meet in Albany, or a different location, and we would talk on the phone. It was pre-Zoom. So we were on the phone. She would provide me with things I needed to read. And then we would have discussions. And so at the end of that, I shared with her I did feel called to continue. And then she made the recommendation for me to continue on. And then I had to meet with the Institute leadership team to ask to enter. So they said yes.

Sister Rejane  
You got another yes. [laughter]

Sister Barbara  
[laughter] That's two. After that I entered.

Sister Rejane  
Well, let's talk about the conversation you must have had with your children.

Sister Barbara  
Oh, I did. Yes.

Sister Rejane  
Because that's something a lot of us don't have. We have parents and siblings, but children -- yeah, I'd love to hear about that.

Sister Barbara  
So I had made the decision up till then not to share that information with them, what I was doing. I have four adult children, a daughter and three sons. So I had made the decision, I did not share that with them. Actually, I had not really shared it with anyone. I was working with a Vocation Minister, I didn't know where was going to lead. So when I was told yes, and that I would be meeting with the leadership team, I decided to start telling the kids. I went to my daughter first because I thought she would be the most difficult. She's the oldest. There's no gray in her life: she's a black and white person. So I knew it could be a difficult conversation.

Sister Rejane  
Sure.

Sister Barbara  
So I thought, well, that will help me kind of lead into it. So I was at her home one day and told her. It was hard, because -- you probably remember this -- in the beginning, it's really difficult to talk about, you don't have the right words, you're stumbling, you don't really understand it yourself. You don't really know what to say or how to say it. And of course, I was stumbling, and trying to explain it to her and probably making a big mess of it. They knew my previous years of thinking about becoming a sister when I was younger. And my daughter just said, "What are you trying to say to me? Are you going to go back and become a nun?" And I just went, "Whatever gave you that idea?" And she said, "If you are, I think it's a great idea."

Sister Rejane  
Oh, good.

Sister Barbara  
So that was an easy conversation. My second son, he was from out of town, and he and his wife stopped over one day unexpectedly -- they were in town -- and I just decided to share it and they were great. They were lovely. My daughter-in-law's Methodist and she said, "I don't understand it. I don't know anything about nuns, but --" Well, actually, her first thing to me was, "Can we still say 's***' around you?" [laughter] Then her other question, which I always find so humorous, was: "Now, can we see you? Or are you just going to be in a dark room praying all day?"

Sister Rejane  
Oh, that's a great question.

Sister Barbara  
Yeah. But you know, my son came over, it was my youngest son, he put his arm around me, and he says, "You know, I can't say I totally understand this. But our biggest desire for you is to be happy. And if this makes you happy, then we'll be happy." Another son, when I told him, his response was, "Well, I always wondered what would happen if you told us you were going to get remarried. But I guess if it's God, that's fine."

Sister Rejane  
Hmm.

Sister Barbara  
And then another son really struggled with it. He was still grieving heavily from the loss of his dad. And I think he really saw it as God taking me away from him. And he was the local one that I spent the most time with, and his kids. So I think it impacted him the hardest. He was just worried, you know, he was worried he was losing me. And so we had some tough words at points. And I just had to be honest with him when he said things that I felt were either inappropriate or hurt my feelings. But I was always very open in discussing it and trying to do my best to answer questions. He really, really struggled with the fact that I had kept it a secret. And I guess that made it more difficult for him. He said, "You know, you've been doing this for two years, you've been sneaking around." I explained to him why, but for him, that wasn't the right choice. But we have a great relationship now. In fact, he had a great big party after my vows ceremony. There were 90 people, mostly Sisters of Mercy, or sisters from other communities. So he opened his home. His wife came over to me and said, "These are really cool women."

Sister Rejane  
Aww!

Sister Barbara  
I think more comfortable I've become, in my life, in in this choice, the more comfortable it's become for them. I will never not stay involved in their lives and I try to make myself available. There's been times -- I was in the canonical novitiate during the beginning of COVID. And I was in Philadelphia, and you know, all of my poor kids were struggling, they all have children. And I knew I could have been a lot of help for them during that period of time. And I couldn't. That was hard for me. But they completely understood it. I think we just try to get through each obstacle, each thing that comes before us, and deal with it.

Sister Rejane  
Well, and thank you for sharing, because that was so beautiful. Every child had a different response. And a different take.

Sister Barbara  
Absolutely.

Sister Rejane  
And I do resonate. I was keeping it a secret, too. And, yes, some family members were like, "We're not surprised. You've been living and working with them for eight years." And then I had the response of, "What do you mean, you've kept this a secret? How can you do this to me? That's a surprise." So I understand. And it's usually the ones you think are gonna be hard are not. And the ones you think are gonna be easy might not be. You just don't know.

Sister Barbara  
Right. Exactly.

Sister Rejane  
You can't make assumptions.

Sister Barbara  
I have some very close friends and telling each of them -- it just they made me feel so good that everybody was so supportive. And that really made me feel, "Oh gosh, maybe this is the right thing." You know, if everybody was negative about it, it would have made me really stop and think. But one of my most favorite things was some holiday, I got a letter and it was addressed to Sister Grandma Barb Giehl. And I just loved it. And family is like, "Do we have to call you sister?" I said, "No, please don't. I'm still Barb."

Sister Rejane  
And how many grandchildren do you have?

Sister Barbara  
I have six grandkids. They're between the ages of seven and 10. They're kind of all spread around the country. And yeah, it's really fun.

Sister Rejane  
All right. Well, let's talk about once you entered, what was that like?

Sister Barbara  
After I entered, I was sent to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for candidacy. And I lived as a candidate in community for two and a half years. I was not happy about having to leave Rochester. I'd lived in Rochester for 60 years of my life. I owned a home and I had a job -- I was working as a nurse. So being sent to Philadelphia, six hours away, was very traumatic for me, I would say. When I was told I was going to Philadelphia -- I really thought I was gonna stay in Rochester. So it was a surprise. And I -- how I like to say it is, I didn't eat or drink or sleep for like three days, I was so traumatized. And I was like, "Who can I talk to, to talk sense into? I just can't do this." And it was really interesting, because one morning -- and I never do this, I am a very slow riser. And I got up and I sat on the side of my bed, and I just sat there and I talked out loud, actually talked to the dog. And I said, "Well, if it doesn't work, I'll just come home." You know, it was like, "I'll give this a try." And then everything was okay. I just I packed up and moved to Philadelphia. I lived with four wonderful women, and had a great community experience. I loved living in Philadelphia -- we have a lot of sister presence in Philadelphia. It was it was a great experience. It wasn't the easiest thing because I still owned a home in Rochester and making that trip -- about every six weeks I would make the six-hour drive back to Rochester and take care of my home and my property and do yard work and do what I needed to do to keep that up to speed. But it ended up working out. After two and a half years I was accepted to be received into the community as a canonical novice, and as it was our novitiate, which had been in St. Louis, moved to Philadelphia that year. So I literally moved 10 houses down the street from where I had been living, and spent another year in Philadelphia. So I was there for three and a half years. The following year was apostolic novitiate. And I ended up moving up to Connecticut, and spent the year working. I'm a nurse by trade. And so I ended up working in Hartford as a nurse in the House of Malta Medical Mobile Clinic. And I did that for a year. There were a lot of interruptions because of COVID -- it kept closing down to volunteers. But it was a great ministry, great ministry. It's actually a medical van that moves to four different areas in Connecticut, providing healthcare to those that don't have insurance or those who have home insecurities or not a place a safe place to be. So it was a great experience.

Sister Rejane  
Wow. Well, I'm wondering if you can talk about -- because you come from a different lived experience than a lot of your sisters, being a wife and a mom -- what challenges have you faced living in community?

Sister Barbara  
Oh, what day? [laughter]

Sister Rejane  
[laughter] I can only imagine.

Sister Barbara  
I think the first challenge, I would say, is people trying to understand why a woman in her 60s would even want to consider religious life. A lot of people in the community just focused on, "How can you give that up? How can you give that up?" You know, I was I was very fortunate. My husband and I, before he died, we had purchased a home on one of the Finger Lakes in upstate New York. And so it was lakefront property. We had jet skis. We had a motorboat. It was beautiful. You know, wake up in the morning and you're on the lake. And I ended up selling a couple years ago. And, you know, it was all questions like, "Do you have any idea what you're giving up?" I had to think about that. Absolutely. And it was not something that was easy -- some was easier than others. But I had to do it. I couldn't give everything up cold turkey. So I did it very kind of thoughtfully and slowly. The first thing I got rid of were the jet skis. And then I got rid of the boat. And it was kind of like, every time it was a whole process I had to go through. And, you know, once I did let go -- I would say "letting go" was really the right term -- once I did let go, it was gone. There's lots of wonderful memories, but I don't feel deprived. I feel like it was the right thing to do. So you know, kind of working with people, trying to explain. I think it's just an amazing, amazing blessing to be offered a second vocation in life. And it really was not anything I was looking for. So it really is a gift. You know, other things, it's hard. I found it really, really hard. I was very established in the community I was from -- both the wider community, as well as the Mercy community

Sister Rejane  
In Rochester, right?

Sister Barbara  
Right. People knew me very well. And to go someplace where nobody knows you is very unsettling. It was really hard for me. People knew who I was before. They knew what I could do. They knew how I did things. And it was like, I was starting all over again, you know, I don't want to say proving myself, but letting them get to know me. And it was hard. You know, I remember one sister asked me once if I knew how to use a dishwasher. That was one of my favorites. [laughter] I'm kind of lucky in that lots of times, I can turn stuff like that into humor -- you know, "They don't really mean that." So it's things like that. The other thing I struggled with -- and I still struggle with sometimes -- is not being in complete control of my life and my decisions, that there's other people that are involved. And you know, it's a discernment process, and I just can't decide I'm gonna do something major with my own decision. That's taken me a bit of learning, and being able to accept it. The other thing I had to get used to was when things didn't always go my way. You know, in life, there's big things and little things. I just learned, you know, big things are things that you want to kind of stay connected with and follow through. Little things -- when you wake up in the morning, it's probably going to be changed. And so I just learned really to weigh things, not to make a big deal about everything. The next day, it's probably all gonna look different anyway, so that thing that you thought was a big thing probably isn't anymore. I find myself really lucky in many, many ways, to be part of a community where conversations can happen -- that if there are things that I need more information about or need to understand better, that I can ask. There's usually opportunity for conversation. Every once in a while, a decision is kind of rethought about, when I have some input in it, and other times, I just gain a better understanding of why that decision was made.

Sister Rejane  
That's a beautiful way of saying about the communication, right? It is ongoing, for sure. And you're right relationships take a lot of time to build. They don't just happen overnight. We are going to take a quick break. Thank you to all our donors and sponsors who support A Nun's Life Ministry and our In Good Faith podcasts. If you have any questions or comments about this podcast, please leave us a message at 913-214-6087.  We'd love to hear from you, our listeners. We will be right back.

Hello, listeners, we are back. Remember to fill out our listener online survey that can be found in the show notes. Your feedback is important to us. Let's finish our conversation with Sister Barbara Giehl. So how has your relationship with your family -- it sounds like it's always been pretty woven, up to your entering, and now that you're in community -- how has your family woven in with the sister relationships?

Sister Barbara  
Actually, I live in a place now for the first time where there's room for my family here. On this property, we have a couple of vacation houses. And of course, it's a place they want to come because it's right on the ocean. My daughter lives in New York, so she can hop on a train and come with the kids. But last Memorial Day, I ended up reserving one of the houses and three of my four kids came with their kids, and we spent the weekend together here. And they got to meet a lot of people and they got to see where I lived. And they felt very comfortable there. So I think relationship-wise, the more interaction they have with people in my life, the easier it is for them, and they're getting more used to it. I mean, Christmas is always think challenging, because I don't need much. It's always, "We don't know what to get you!" They've been very creative, though. One of them gave me a gift certificate for to a plant store, which I love gardening.

Sister Rejane  
So do I!

Sister Barbara  
So I've got some money to spend on some plants for outside. That was a great idea. I said to them, I've got everything I need in the house. And I only have a room. So if it can't fit in my room, I can't use it. I'm not really into all that trinket stuff. I used to be -- you know, I had a whole big house. I think I think everybody's doing well. There's times when, you know, they may call and ask for help with babysitting or something. And either I can I or I can't. But that's no different than when I wasn't in the community. I wasn't always available at the drop of a hat to them. One of the cutest things was, prior to welcoming people on retreat, my job is to do a little ambiance in the direction rooms. That involves going out and picking some wildflowers, setting up an area and putting some nice fresh-cut flowers on the table. It was the weekend my granddaughter was here, granddaughter and grandson. So I asked them if they wanted to come and pick some flowers with me. And my granddaughter said yes. So we went out and I taught her how to cut flowers with long stems. And we did all this stuff. We did the flowers. We go into the chapel. I'm setting up the chapel. And I look -- she's eight years old and she's a character. She's in the chapel and she's walking with her hands folded in front of her going, "Hmmm. Hmmm." And I looked at her and I said, "Gabriella -- what are you doing?" And she said, "I'm being a nun!" [laughter] And I looked at her and I said, "Have you seen any nuns around here doing that?" She goes, "No, but I'm gonna be a nun."

Sister Rejane

It's precious. [laughter]

Sister Barbara  

So we came back to my house. My daughter was there with my grandson. And I said, "Tell that to your mom, what you what you told me." And she goes, "Oh, I'm going to be a nun." My daughter said, "Well, you know, you can't get married." And she goes, "I don't want to get married." And she goes, "Well, you can't have kids," and she goes, "I don't want kids." [laughter] It was pretty cute. I don't know where she saw it, I have no idea. Probably online somewhere, I have no idea.

Sister Rejane  
Oh my gosh.

Sister Barbara  
I think we're good. They ask me questions sometimes, questions about God that I don't think we ever would have had conversations about. The question I always like is, "Why did you become a nun? Why did you feel like you had to become a nun?" And that's coming out of the little guys, you know? We talk about it. Everybody seems to be pretty okay with it.

Sister Rejane  
That's really special. Oh, my gosh. Well, what suggestions would you have for more mature women who are discerning a vocation to religious life?

Sister Barbara  
Well, the very first suggestion I would make is make sure you know the community that you want to enter, or that you want to look at. I really think you really need to know them well. And they need to know you. Actually, prior to my entering the community, I used to listen to Nun's Life podcasts, but I was driving, because I felt like it gave me questions to ask, you know, and questions to think about. And it was, it was interesting to hear other people's stories. But one of the things that I remember most about one of them -- and I don't even know who the sister was this said it was -- you need to know your community well, because somewhere, sometime, no matter how well you know them, they're going to disappoint you. Something's going to happen and it's going to give you some disappointment. And if you have a strong connection and a strong relationship with your community, it's easier to manage that. And it'll help with that disappointment. You know, when I entered the community, I felt like I really knew everything. It's kind of embarrassing to say now, because I thought, "I've been connected to this community for 40 years. And I have friends that are nuns and who are sisters, and I know everything I need to know. What are you going to teach me?" But I learned so much. It's so different after you enter a community and you become a member. You learn a lot, you learn about a lot about yourself, and you learn a lot about what it means to live religious life, that you really can't experience unless you do it. So I would say that. I think the other thing is just to be open. You have no idea where it's gonna lead. Just be open. You know, doors open, and sometimes doors close. And I think the key is that if you're happy, you have more happy days than those that are upsetting or disappointing, then maybe you are doing the right thing. But just keep your ears open and your heart open. And don't be afraid to try something. Or don't be afraid to ask. I learn a lot when I ask questions. If I harbor feelings of distrust or misunderstanding, then it makes me not a happy person. So I just ask, you know, and sometimes I don't like the answer. Sometimes it makes sense to me. And I think taking it one step at a time. When I swim, I don't jump right in the water. I have to put my toe in. You know, I gotta go in a little slowly. And I think sometimes it's the best way to do it. So you can kinda just acclimate yourself and get comfortable.

Sister Rejane  
Yeah, I was reflecting on the gospel today. And the reflection talked about that -- taking the small steps. In order to make a major life change, sometimes you just have to break it into smaller manageable steps. Like you said, one yes at a time, or one toe at a time, if you're in the pool.

Sister Barbara  
I think of all the sisters ahead of us. It was so different and when they entered, it was like just totally cut off from everything they knew -- gave up everything, let go of everything immediately. I'm grateful. I'm grateful I could do it the way I did. Would it've been easier -- it's kind of like pulling a band-aid off: is it better to go slow and less pain, or pull it all off? I've learned I have to move through the process. To own it, I have to move through it. That helps me to own it and to understand it and be okay with it and be at peace with it. It's just part of who I am, I guess.

Sister Rejane  
Sure, sure. And we each have our own way of doing things. So it's wonderful to know that. And community certainly helps you learn some of that.

Sister Barbara  
I brought a lot of stuff with me. And I'm still getting rid of it. It's like, I haven't used this in five years. My big question was, "Am I gonna need this?" You know, there's very little that I need.

Sister Rejane  
Well, Barb, thank you so much for taking this time today.

Sister Barbara  
Thanks for asking me!

Sister Rejane  
Yeah, yeah. And I think that's great that A Nun's Life was a little bit of a part of your discernment.

Sister Barbara  
It was! It was!

Sister Rejane  
The podcast, huh?

Sister Barbara  
Well, I used to love listening to them when I drove between Rochester and Philadelphia.

Sister Rejane  
Sure, sure.

Sister Barbara  
Yeah, it was interesting hearing about other communities. But most of all, for me, it helped me form some questions that I didn't even know I had questions about. Sometimes I don't exactly know what to ask and, hearing discussion about things, it brought things to the surface for me. And it really helped. Yeah, so you guys do good work.

Sister Rejane  
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And congratulations and blessings as you continue on your journey in religious life.

Sister Barbara  
Great meeting you and being able to spend this time with you.

Sister Rejane  
Thank you, Barb. In Good Faith is a production of A Nun's Life Ministry, helping people discover and grow in their vocation by engaging questions about God, faith and religious life. This program is made possible through the grace of God and the support of our sponsors of A Nun's Life Ministry, and you, our listeners. Don't forget to call us and leave a message. Tell us what you like, ask a question, or just say hi. Call 913-214-6087 and visit us at anunslife.org. God bless.