The unexpected yes

Sister Rejane  
This Random Nun Clip is brought to you by A Nun's Life Ministry. Our guest today is Sister Barbara Giehl, a Sister of Mercy of the Americas. Sister Barbara just made her first vows in September 2022 and lives and ministers at the Mercy by the Sea Retreat and Conference Center in Connecticut. Sister Barbara grew up in Rochester, New York, where she encountered both the Sisters of St. Joseph of Rochester, and the Sisters of Mercy. She was taught by sisters during grade school, high school and nursing school, as well as working in the Sisters of Mercy motherhouse. Sister Barb was drawn to religious life in high school, where she began a pre-postulant program with the Sisters of Mercy. But once she began nursing school, she told her formation director she needed a break, but would be back. Little did she know but that break would last over 40 years. She met, fell in love, and married her husband Jerry, and they had four children. Barb stayed connected to the Sisters of Mercy through the years and eventually became an associate of the Mercies. Five years after her husband passed away, the thoughts of religious life returned.

Sister Barbara  
So we were married 31 years. My husband, in his final years, actually ended up teaching at Mercy High School, where I had gone to school. And his parents ended up living in our motherhouse receiving long-term care. So we were very connected. My kids were very connected with the house that I affiliated with. We used to spend Thanksgivings together -- we always have a Thanksgiving dinner at our house and the sisters that I affiliated with would come. My in-laws were at the motherhouse. Our kids were used to going up there and visiting their grandma and grandpa. So they just became very intertwined. My husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer in 2009. And passed away nine months later.

Sister Rejane  
Sorry.

Sister Barbara  
Thank you. It was a really, really tough time. I would say probably about four or five years later, I started getting this very strange urge -- I don't know, I guess a poke or something. I'd wake up in the morning, and I'd start thinking about religious life again. I kept telling myself, "You're just crazy, you're lonely, you don't know what to do with yourself." And so I would pack it away for a while, and then it would pop up again. So it was nothing I ever, ever thought about while I was married. And never ever, ever had any idea that this is how life was going to kind of play out. So it just reached a point where -- I am a person that, I always feel like if I don't ask, I'll never know the answer. I was so sure the answer was going to be no. I've heard people say to me, "Oh, you're so brave. You were so brave." Well, I don't really think I was so brave, because I was sure the answer was going to be no. But then I'd have my no and I could just go on with life. You know, I had Mercy in my life. And I was happy. So I put the question out there. And after some time, I was told, yes, I could begin the process. So then I had to kind of figure out what the heck am I going to do with this? And what have I done with my life -- or to my life?

Sister Rejane  
So it kind of turned things upside down?  

Sister Barbara  
It did!

Sister Rejane  
Because you were expecting the no.

Sister Barbara  
I think when I asked the question, I was 58 years old. And you know, there's a guideline with the Sisters of Mercy that you know, it's for women under 45.

Sister Rejane  
Right.

Sister Barbara  
And so I knew I was way out of the normal range. And, you know, why would they take an old lady like me. [laughter] So I really didn't feel like it was a big risk. But then I could put it away and just go on. Sure. So when the yes came, then I had to decide what the heck I was going to do with that. And I think probably the best advice I had gotten was -- you know, I'm a person who always looks ahead to the end, what am I trying to reach. Of course, I start looking at perpetual vows and final vows. I just finally pushed myself back. I remember meeting with the President of the community and saying, "I'm going to say yes to this." And the first step was to start meeting with the spiritual director for a year to try to figure out what the heck it was that I was being called to. And so I met with a spiritual director. And then I also met with the president of the region that I was living in monthly, and we would we would just talk. By the end of the year, it was really clear to me: I felt I was really being called to religious life. I didn't know how it's all gonna unfold, that's for sure. I had no idea.

Sister Rejane  
But you had that strong feeling. And you had done that discernment.  

Sister Barbara  
Right.

Sister Rejane  
Okay. To hear full episodes of A Nun's Life podcasts, visit the podcast page at anunslife.org/podcasts.

This transcript has been lightly edited for readability.