Should I stay or should I go?

Sister Julie
This Random Nun Clip is brought to you by A Nun's Life Ministry.

Sister Maxine
Our next question comes from Emmanuel by email. And he writes, "I love my girlfriend a lot. But she doesn't show me that she likes me. She treats me like she's doing me a favor to go out with me. Meanwhile, my ex-girlfriend wants me back. So I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I have been together six months. I pray about this. But God isn't answering me." Doesn't your heart go out to Emmanuel? He sounds sad in here.

Sister Julie
He does sound sad. And he also seems to have a sense of where he's at in his current relationship. You can tell just by the fact that he asked us the question, that he has a little bit of dis-ease in the relationship and knows that there's just something not quite right, either with the relationship or how he feels about being in that relationship.

Sister Maxine
And he says they've been there for six months, they've been in this relationship, and the fact that she's not real demonstrative. Does that raise any red flags for you?

Sister Julie
Well, I think there are some people who just aren't demonstrative. They might have a lot going on inside, but they may not be the kind that are particularly expressive about it. But it just seems to be more than that. When Emmanuel says she doesn't show me that she likes me, that she treats me like she's doing me a favor. I mean, that's, that's expressive. So, you know, there's a little discontinuity there.

Sister Maxine
Yeah. Cuz that's, like really different from if she just wants to make it go slow and not move things along too fast. That's real different.

Sister Julie
Yeah.

Sister Maxine
And I think Emmanuel can trust his instincts on that.

Sister Julie
Totally. In our chat room. We've got folks offering their wisdom for Emmanuel.

Sister Maxine
Our guest OMA says, "God put him in the friendzone. Take a step back." The fact that, as you were mentioning, Emmanuel is asking these questions, I think it is -- Emmanuel's not hearing anything from God because God's like, "You really need to think about this." Sometimes it seems like God is already telling us what we need to know. And for Emmanuel, it might be coming up in his reservations about where this is going and how this is looking. And now he's kind of looking over his shoulder at the ex-girlfriend.

Sister Julie
I think the other thing is that he's \taking the right step of bringing it to God. And then, in our chat room, Judy B suggests what could be a second step, which is actually talking to the girlfriend. It sounds like he's dealt with this for a little while, he may already be getting the signs that it's not quite an approachable topic. But hopefully, there's an opening where he could lean into a conversation about that.

Sister Maxine
He probably needs to know, is this going to go someplace? Or isn't it? And to call the question, it may free her as well. She may be worried like, Oh, I'm going to hurt his feelings. But to act like you're doing somebody a favor, doesn't suggest that you're necessarily concerned about someone else's feelings.

Sister Julie
No, I hear you, Sister.

Sister Maxine
I mean, I want to be charitable, because you never know her circumstance.

Sister Julie
Right. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Now, Sister, what do we do about the ex-girlfriend?

Sister Maxine
Well, that's an interesting thing. Because when you're in one situation, it's better just to, I think, deal with that situation. And not be looking back and thinking, "Oh, the grass is greener, it was better," because he says that the ex-girlfriend wants him back. But he doesn't say "I am in love with my ex-girlfriend."

Sister Julie
Right, or that he wants her back.

Sister Maxine
Right. I mean, we all want to be wanted.

Sister Julie
Right.

Sister Maxine
But you also have to feel love for somebody.

Sister Julie
Yeah. I mean, he doesn't want to be duplicitous, and just like he feels he's being treated unfairly by his girlfriend, his current girlfriend. He doesn't want to now become the one treating his ex-girlfriend unfairly by just being with her simply because she loves him.

Sister Maxine
And in the chat room, it's like, rebounds are not a good idea.

Sister Julie
No.

Sister Maxine
It's important for Emmanuel to really consider, first of all, the current relationship he is in and what he wants to do with that presently. And whether it's talking with his girlfriend and figuring out if she's actually serious, to trust his instinct, to keep praying to God -- I think that's a critical piece and maybe that's what brought him at least this far.

Sister Julie
But if I can play the devil's advocate here, why continue praying about it, if God isn't actually answering poor Emmanuel.

Sister Maxine
Maybe, in fact, God is just walking with Emmanuel, waiting for Emmanuel to think this out himself. Now granted, I have often wished that God would write a big direction on the wall, like, "Do this, do not do that."

Sister Julie
Sister, I did that for you last week. And did you follow my sage wisdom? No, no, you did not. [laughter] Thought I signed it: God.

Sister Maxine
I don't know why I would have been suspicious of that. [laughter] But, I mean, I can understand that.

Sister Julie
Yeah. And in our chat Mark says, "God is answering, but Emmanuel is not listening." And I think to your point, too, Sister it's like, we're basically giving God only one way to answer us and that's yes, stay with your girlfriend or no, don't stay with your girlfriend. God's not the yes, no -- binary answers are not exactly God's strong suit. Well, maybe it is. But God chooses to do the more nuanced approach.

Sister Maxine
Because of that little thing called free will.

Sister Julie
You know, free will is a wonderful thing and a terrifying thing, because it means that we have to use our own gifts in our own life, guided by the Spirit. And I think God's response is not so much, "Let me take over, here's my will, do it." But it's that God is saying, "I'm with you." And Emmanuel, you've got the perfect name. Emmanuel means "God with us." And so to live out of your namesake and realize that the answer really is God saying, "I'm with you, I've given you the life. Heck, I've given you two nuns who can help you out.

Sister Maxine
And a whole chat room full of people giving some great advice. To hear full episodes of A Nun's Life podcasts, visit the podcast page at anunslife.org/podcasts.

This transcript has been lightly edited for readability.